I have been struggling with consistency the past few days. Worse, I am struggling with a lack of desire to be consistent. Lying around all the time should make it easier to spend more time in the Word, but I find there is a whole different set of distractions available to me. There are projects that I want to work on while I have the time, like organizing family pictures and researching home school options (my favorite website right now is www.homeschoolreviews.com). There are books I want to read (lately I have been devouring Joel Rosenberg’s books, The Last Jihad, The Last Days, and currently, The Ezekiel Option). And, while none of these are bad things, it’s amazing how much time they can eat up so that, at the end of the day, I have spent little or no time in the Word.

Another thing making it difficult is my irregular sleep schedule. I have gotten out of the habit of getting up at my regular time to be alone with God. Some nights I can’t get to sleep until 1 a.m., and on nights when I do fall asleep earlier, I often wake up in the wee hours of the morning, again unable to sleep. Pain and contractions certainly make sleep difficult sometimes! Of course, I can (and sometimes do) use that time to be in the Word. But usually my brain is so foggy from sleep deprivation that I can hardly concentrate on a verse, much less process what God is trying to say to me.

Maybe I’m being a bit hard on myself. I haven’t given up, and I do crack open my Bible at least a little each day. But why is it so much easier to distract myself from the pain with a novel or a movie (I’ve watched the whole Lord of the Rings series in the past couple of weeks) than it is to enter into the Word of God? I want my spirit to be renewed, and no other content, however worthy, can replace God’s living Word for doing that.

I know that my weak prayers and efforts are sweet incense to the Lord. I know that He sees the “yes” in my heart and understands my struggle. What concerns me, as I mentioned at the beginning, is how much my desire for time in the Word and prayer has decreased over the past few days.

Last night, when I couldn’t sleep, I listened to a OneThing podcast of a sermon by Misty Edwards. She was talking about the parable of the virgins with their lamps and oil in Matthew 25. She put it very simply: the lamps are our outward life and ministry. The oil is our inward life with God—intimacy with Him in the secret place (primarily spending time in the Word). The foolish virgins are the ones who spend all their time and energy on their lamps. They have a little oil, but they are not investing the time to deepen their relationship with God. In the end, they lose everything. The wise virgins, on the other hand, also have lamps, but they are not consumed by their outward lives. They are investing the best part of their time in getting oil, and when the light is darkest, their lamps do not go out.

Oh, how I want to be a wise virgin! Lord, help me not give in to lethargy or laziness concerning Your Word. Renew the urgency in my spirit to go deep in You.

Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
Give me oil in my lamp, I pray
Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning
Keep me burning till the break of day