Unfinished Thoughts

Now that I have been mother to an adopted child of another race for a few months, I have a few thoughts to share. They are a small contribution to the general discussion about adopting and race issues. I do not consider them well-thought-out or complete. Just me in the process of growing in understanding.

It seems to me that race is not a simple matter of clearly defined labels such as "red and yellow, black and white," though all people are certainly "precious in His sight." People's skin type, hair texture, and features are as varied as the people themselves. Some people are tall (like my husband), others are short (like me), and most fall somewhere in between (where probably most of our children will be). Dry skin crosses genetic and racial lines; it is a characteristic shared by two of my daughters (Laughter and Crown) and me. The reality is that every trait comes in a spectrum. There are infinite variety and combinations. How beautiful! I find it much more interesting than my previous notions that people could be categorized. (Not to mention that many people are not clearly "black" or "white" or anything else anyway; and increasing number of people are a lovely mixture of races, breaking down previously established boundary lines.)

One result of my changing mindset is that I am starting to realize that I don't so much need to learn how to do "black" hair. As I've talked with other moms, I have discovered that there is as much variety in "black" hair as there is in "white" hair (whatever that is). My daughters each have unique hair and skin, and it is my privilege to discover the products and techniques that best care for each of them. (In fact, it has taken me many years to find the right hair and body products for myself as well.)

On a slightly different note, the concept of adoption is a thread weaving itself throughout my consciousness. Last week, I was forced to spend an entire church service in the nursing mom's room enduring my adopted daughter's screams. In some ways, it seems easier to love her patiently in that situation than my birth children. After all, who do I have to be angry at? Myself? For I hunted her down and chose to have her in my life. In no way was she forced on me by chance or providence. Though I love my homegrown kids, my human nature has sometimes struggled not to resent their ubiquitous presence in my life. (I'm just being honest here.) I know it's a wrong attitude, and as I pray and mature, I learn to see them as a blessing and a privilege. Recently, I realized that if these very same children were in need of adoption, I would gladly welcome them into my home. There is no way I would allow them to be orphans if there was anything I could do about it. And suddenly, I found that they are incredibly precious. No longer simply extensions of myself, they are unique treasures in their own right. This may sound strange, but in my heart I decided to "adopt" every one of them. I kind of laugh at myself, because that thought makes me like them more! In some way, isn't that God's heart as well? He made us, true, but He also chose us, adopted us as His sons and daughters.

Thank You

I just want to post this video of Mark Schultz's song as a thank-you to our Crown Princess's birth mother, who loves our baby every day from a distance. I remember the day we met her. Her face was puffy from having been crying while waiting for us to come make her baby our own. While she was sure of her decision, that didn't make it easy for her AT ALL. She made the decision out of love. And we love her from the bottom of our hearts.

Mark Schultz's Song, Everything to Me

And if you want more, here's a short interview with Mark Schultz about the song.

Interview with Mark Schultz

Celebrating the Lamb

Lambs make me really happy these days. Let me explain.

When I was a kid, my parents made certain decisions about how we celebrated holidays. We celebrated Jesus-only Christmases, Thanksgiving but not Halloween, and Easter without the Easter bunny. Since having children of my own, my husband and I have thought and prayed through these things for ourselves and have come to basically the same conclusions my parents did. We would much rather celebrate the "real meaning" in the sacred holidays than incorporate the secularized version. We don't want to muddy the waters of our children's understanding about God.

Now I want to state up front that I know not everyone comes to the same conclusions we have. In fact, I have come across some pretty compelling arguments for making different choices than we've made. I have no intention of trying to convince or defend our choices here. Many of our good friends celebrate Santa, the Easter bunny, and Halloween. I respect each family's privilege of following the Lord's leading in their own holiday traditions. I just want to share this part of our journey.

Back to my story. I have discovered that we can have the most well-thought-out reasons in the world for deciding to make a break with cultural traditions, but that doesn't make it any easier when we are walking with our children through a store and they see HUGE egg- and bunny-filled baskets and wonder why we don't plan to get them one. Or why we aren't going to have an Easter egg hunt. These things obviously must be an essential part of the Easter celebration. And I feel like a real heel. And I want to hide at home until it all just goes away.

But not really. That's not how I want to live. Nor is it the response we want to teach our children. So instead, last weekend we took the opportunity to sit down as a family and talk about it. Though it might have been easier (for now) to just say no and leave it at that, I know it won't work long-term. Neither is it how my parents modeled leadership to me. So instead, I prayed, asked Salt Racer to join the discussion, and calmed down (as I was getting pretty riled up about it all). As we talked, I started to realize that what our family needs is not merely we-don't-celebrate-Easter-bunnies-and-eggs, but a we-DO-celebrate-Jesus-the-Lamb! The kids and I totally latched on to that. We all started to see that we could have our own special holiday traditions without participating in the ones that are not OK for us.

Since that conversation, I have been so relieved. Now we have a direction to go in celebrating with our children during this season. We gathered up stuffed lambs for our own, personal version of Easter. For our Bible time this week, we walked through some of the events of Jesus' life the week before He laid down His life for us, such as the triumphal entry and washing of the disciples feet, finding that we gained deeper understanding as we did. We had great fun making Easter story cookies that I read about on Stephanie's blog. We went to see a beautiful, moving musical celebrating Jesus at Capital Christian Center. I put together little bowls of candy crosses and flowers for a Resurrection morning surprise. Instead of an Easter egg hunt, we will have a "Find-the-Lamb" hunt where, over the next few days, they will look for a big stuffed lamb hiding with a treat (just as the disciples never knew when or where they would see Jesus after His resurrection). Finally, I hope in the next few weeks to take them to a real sheep farm. And I even have ideas as to how we can expand and deepen these traditions in future years!

So I just wanted to share that for the first time in years, I am really excited about celebrating this week, which I prefer to call Passion Week or Holy Week, though I won't quibble about "Easter" since it's what most people are used to. I am excited to make this start on creating Easter holiday traditions that our children grow up anticipating with joy.



Hallelujah! The Lamb of God is risen! And ... HE'S COMING BACK!!!!!!!