Delightful Journey

"We presume that whatever is unpleasant is our duty! Is that anything like the spirit of our Lord -- 'I delight to do Your will, O my God . . . ' (Psalm 40:8)" (from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, entry for January 29).

What I keep hearing today is that the work of life -- the laundry, etc. -- has to be done, but it's not what I was made for. So while I need to get it done, I don't need to structure my life around it. Instead, I need to schedule it around my life! I am made to be a worshipper. So the very first priority of my day is to spend time with God, and then everything else. Even in caring for my children, my first priority is to teach them to worship God. If these are truly my priorities, then that should be reflected in my everyday schedule.

So today I changed around my schedule to make room for going to RHOP more often (the Roseville House of Prayer -- an amazing place where you can go almost anytime to pray). I let the girls get up earlier so we could have worship time together while I fed Cedar. We read from Jesus Wants All of Me, which is the kids' version of My Utmost for His Highest. Then we read Matthew 6:33, 34. I told them about how God takes care of us. (I needed to hear that today too, as our financial situation is a bit strained this month.) We prayed together and sang a made-up song about God taking care of us. Then they read books on my bed and we listened to the Bible on CD while I finished feeding Cedar. After that, we got dressed, ate breakfast, I checked my email and put in some laundry, and we went to RHOP. I refused to let myself stress about how everything else will get done. Today we've put the most important things first. God will take care of the rest.

Every day has its own needs, so I have to be led by the Holy Spirit each day. I can't force what worked today to work every day (making a law of my schedule). It's a helpful template, but I have to keep listening to Him. After all, that's the way He wants it. He only gave enough manna to the Israelites for each day. He didn't want the sacrificial system:

"Sacrifice and offering You do not desire, nor have You delight in them; You have given me the capacity to hear and obey. Burnt offerings and sin offerings You do not require" (Ps. 40:6, AMP).

Nor did He want to give Israel a King:

". . . [T]hey have rejected Me, that I should not be King over them" (1 Samuel 8:7).

He wants me to be completely dependent upon Him alone. He wants to write His word on my heart (Proverbs 7:1-3). It is I who demand rules, schedules, and plans to take the place of listening to Him. It allows me to feel more in control. I want to wean myself of having to be in control and let my plans be submitted to His direction every day, even every hour when needed.

"Get into the habit of saying, 'Speak, Lord,' and life will become a romance (1 Samuel 3:9)" (from My Utmost, entry for January 30).

My life is so much more delightful! I love this journey that He has me on. I love feeling like my day is under control -- His control, not mine.

A New Vision

A family of God

Loving
Worshiping daily
An atmosphere of invitation
Presence
Anything can happen
What next, God?
We're listening for Your footsteps
To be with You
Now

At the Zoo

We went to the zoo to celebrate Rayne's birthday with her cousins. The giraffe posed next to the ruler so we could see how tall he was while his friend peeked out. The lion was napping when we approached, but then he woke up and looked at us. He even yawned!

My Kids

Three beautiful children!
Reesa, 19 months
Cedar, 8 weeks
Rayne, 3 years
I am blessed.

Boundaries

Speaking of boundaries, I received the book Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend as a baby shower gift. I started reading it today, and already I'm convicted! Here are the "Obstacles to Teaching Boundaries" (I identify with every one of them):

• Depending on the Child - "Am I afraid that if I say no to my kids, I will lose the love I need from them?" I'm not afraid to say no, but I do fear their anger or disappointment. So I tend to avoid situations that will cause them much discomfort. I am so afraid that they won't understand that I love them. However, that is their choice. I need to be firm and let them experience the consequences of their choices.
  
• Overidentifying with the Child - "Parents are commonly unable to delay their children's gratification because they overidentify with the child's feelings. . . . If you find that you are unable to bear your child's pain, you may be projecting your pain into him."
• Thinking Love and Separateness Are Enemies - "Many parents . . . fear that disagreeing, confronting, or simply being different from their children indicates a break in the connection. . . . The reality is that love and separateness go together and one doesn't threaten the other. In fact, to the extent that you can be separate from someone is the extent to which you can truly love him or her."
• Ignoring and Zapping - "She was putting up with inappropriateness, hoping it would go away. Instead, it escalated. At the same time, her resentment was growing. Finally, all the truths she had neglected to say boiled out at one time. . . . [B]ecome an early confronter . . . . It helps you to prepare your child for real life, in which she will not get everything she wants, no matter how hard she tries."
• Being Worn Down - "We empathize with parents who figure, 'Oh well, I'll give in this time . . . . It's just not worth the fight.' And that may be true on some occasions. But each time you let them neglect responsibilities, the child's ability to be a self-controlled person is eroded."

This statement was a revelation: "Remember that parenting is a temporary job, not an identity. [Really?] Kids with parents who have a life learn both that they aren't the center of the universe and that they can be free to pursue their own dreams."

I can see that I need a lot of help! I identify with my children way too much. I do have a hard time seeing myself as separate from them. Holy Spirit, change me. It will make for a more peaceful home, children who are more responsible and capable, and a more enjoyable life for me!

Mary and Anne

I have finished reading Unafraid by Francine Rivers. It gave me a new perspective of Mary and Joseph, and one that I feel lines up very well with the information we have about them in the Bible. I realized that, while an angel appeared to Mary once, Joseph had four encounters with angelic messengers. The obvious implication (that I've never before noticed) is that God was leading the family through Joseph as the head of the family. I've always wondered what Joseph's role really was, since he wasn't Jesus' biological father. By giving direction through Joseph, God affirmed his role as the leader and protector of Mary and Jesus. I'm also grateful that God gave Jesus an earthly father and Mary a husband for another reason. If He hadn't, Mary and Jesus would be the ultimate example of the current feminist ideal: a family that doesn't need the participation of a man as father or husband. Praise God, He demonstrated that family and marriage are vital to His plan for us, as He included them in His plan for His Son.

Another thing I appreciated was that Mary had a heart after God. I've always thought of her as a rather unsuspecting young girl. But Mrs. Rivers depicted her as one who loved God and interceded to see His will done on the earth. By her lifestyle, she invited God to use her to carry out His plan. I feel that this view of her is validated by her response to God's invitation when the angel appeared to her (see Luke 1:26-38). Also, her response to Elizabeth (Mary's Song) in Luke 1:46-55 shows a knowledge of God and concern for the destiny of His people that could only have come from relationship with Him. This challenges me to be one who lives a life of invitation for the Holy Spirit to work in and through me. Who knows what amazing adventures I may be privileged to join in!

After that, I read Anne of Avonlea by L. M. Montgomery. I was laughing out loud in several places. I love her characterizations of people. No one is perfect, but (almost) everyone is lovable anyway. I never get tired of reading the Anne books.

By the way, I am feeling much better. Thank you for your love and prayers. God has been leading me to establish better boundaries in my life, especially setting aside time separate from the kids to pursue my own dreams and interests. Most of all, taking the time to pursue Him as my heart desires. My favorite verse right now is "Blessed are they who ... seek, inquire for and of Him and crave Him with the whole heart" (Ps. 119:2 AMP). I know that God would not give me this great desire and delight in Him and His Word if He did not have a way for me to satisfy my craving. Already He has shown me ways to have set-aside times with Him during my day. It doesn't look the same every day, but as I allow my heart to feel it's desire for Him and daily ask Him to fill it, He makes a way for me find time to connect with Him. I'm also learning to listen for His whispers of love in the midst of the busy-ness of life. All in all, I learning that it is possible to be a Martha (getting things done) and a Mary (sitting at Jesus' feet) at the same time. I'm loving this journey!

RSS Feeds

Paul showed me a very cool feature. You can have your favorite blogs emailed to you when they're posted. All you have to do for the Blogger blogs is add atom.xml to the end of the blog's URL. For example, mine is http://www.medytations.blogspot.com/atom.xml. So you can go into your email client's newsgroups and blogs feature, add a new feed, and use that URL. Then you will be emailed whenever I update my blog!

Postpartum

Tears keep coming at every little thing, and yet I seem unable to feel much of anything. I think I'm experiencing postpartum depression. I'm exhausted, yet I keep plodding along. With three little ones, I just have to. My dear husband is working hard to arrange for me to have some time to rest and be refreshed. His mother just came by and picked up the girls for the day and overnight. And my mom is going to watch them tomorrow. More than anything, I just want quiet and no one needing me. I can't help being needed by Cedar, since he's only five and a half weeks old, but he sleeps all the time so it's pretty restful to be with him. God keeps reminding me that "he gives sleep to his beloved" (Psalm 127:2).

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance" (Psalm32:7-8).

Settlers of Catan!

Our New Year's celebration was fun. My family converged upon my sister's house for computer and board games. I played three long (3-hour) games of Settlers of Catan with my sisters, my mother, my grandmother, and a family friend (we call this game our family addiction). Twice we played it with the Cities and Knights expansion, and once with both the Cities and the Seafarers expansions. I realized that I love playing board games so much that it doesn't actually matter if I have fun. We played the first two games on New Year's Eve. I really don't know how I won the first game, since I was hardly at the table for jumping up and down to take care of my kids. It felt so chaotic, I could hardly concentrate. The next game was quiet, as the kids were in bed, but I did horribly that time. But the last game, on New Year's Day, was lots of fun, reminding me of why I like playing games in the first place. We got to play, tease, chat, and generally enjoy each other a lot. And I won again!

Paul enjoyed discovering a new Playstation 2 game, Burnout 3: Takedown. He can't stop talking about how much he loved causing huge, multiple vehicle pileups (for points) and driving like a maniac. He also entertained the kids by watching some of his favorite movies and shows with them - Superman and Batman, both live action and animated. The kids think he's the greatest daddy and uncle!