**This post is by Paul, my husband and a new contributor to this blog. -Michelle**
After a few phone calls and one divine encounter, we have found the agency that will be conducting our home study. This was a somewhat difficult process because it is important to find a Christian social worker who understands our family dynamic and how our religion influences our decisions -- such our decision to adopt.
When you decided to adopt and then start telling people, some people look at you like "but you already have kids"? When they do, it is clear that they don't yet understand that there can be more than one motivation behind a decision to adopt. We didn't want a social worker with that mind set conducting our home study.
So, just after signing the contract with CAC, we had a divine encounter at church with a friend who just so happens to be the director of adoption from a local foster and adoption agency. We were able to sit with him for nearly 30 minutes and ask questions until his ears nearly fell off. We were hoping that someone from his agency would be able to conduct the home study. Since adoption is a new area for them (they have been doing foster placements for a couple decades), he didn't recomment that we go through them for our home study (which will probably need to transfer out of state). However, in talking with him, I was able to learn a lot of the language that they use. This helped a great deal when I talked with the other two agencies that I contacted.
When I called the first agency I had a bad phone connection. This could have clued me in to the fact that it wasn't going to work out, but undaunted by my circumstances, I pressed on. I was transferred in what seemed like a handset to handset transfer and I imagined a guy in the background yelling "Hey Sue! Someone's on the phone for you!" When "Sue" picked up the phone, I could barely hear her. I wondered if she could hear me, but every time I asked her to speak a little louder she did, so I assume she heard me when I said, "Yes, we already have a contract with a consultant." That still didn't deter her from going into the hard pitch about how great her agency is and how they can do so much, and if we work with them direct the cost would be less, etc, etc. As soon as she got to the cost factor, my red flag detector went off. All of a sudden I could see what I looked like to her, a big fat wad of $100 bills. I politely excused myself from the conversation and hung up. "Moving on ...," I thought. I was a little bummed, because I was really hoping this agency would work out. But I knew God had a plan, so I wasn't very concerned.
There was a third agency that I had on my list to call. I was hoping to do it this week, but yesterday I started out having a really rough day at work. Stuff just wasn't working, and anything that I did seemed to make it worse. I looked like I was going to have to stay very, very late to get things straightened out. Then Michelle prayed for me. Within fifteen minutes, everything started working. To my relief, I discovered that nothing I had done was the cause of all the problems. I was merely exposing problems that already existed. I saw my day go from really long to wondering what to do with myself for the rest of the day. So I made a call to the third agency.
I got the front desk lady. "Yes, we already have kids. We still want to adopt." "Oh, okay. What county please?" Shocked at the reply, I actually answered with the wrong county. After quickly corrected my mistake, I was transferred to the social worker responsible for that county. She picked up the phone, "Hello, Paul?" Again I was floored. The professionalism mixed with personal contact was amazing after the impersonal hard sell I had gotten from the other agency. I started to get a very good feeling.
After several minutes of conversation, I realized that the social worked had no intention of telling me how great her agency was or how foolish I was for not having signed up with them. She was completely on board with our situation and willing to work with us and provide a home study that would transfer to another agency. She put an application packet in the mail, and over the next few months our house and family will be undergoing the process of a home study.
In the process of looking for an agency, we found out that the cost of home studies in this county (and perhaps the rest of the state, though I don't know) has gone up considerably. When we started, we calculated that we had just enough money to pay for the home study at the typical rate of $1200-$1500. They are now around $2500-$3000. Please pray that God will provide the additional money needed for the home study. We are completely open to His will, and we have complete peace about moving forward, but we are holding all of this with an open hand.
Thank you for praying with us!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My Boys
Last weekend the girls went camping with their grandparents, so I got to spend some time with just my boys!
Monday, July 07, 2008
Kole's Story
Paul: On June 9, 2007, Michelle and I discovered that we were pregnant with our sixth child. Michelle's second pregnancy had caused her to be on "sit rest" for the last trimester. The third pregnancy was difficult throughout. The fourth and fifth pregnancies had ended in miscarriages. While we were excited about another life coming into our family, the difficult nine-months ahead looked somewhat bleak. We had no idea what was in store.
We waited one week to announce the pregnancy to our family and friends, finally breaking the silence on Father's Day, 2007. Only two weeks later, on a Saturday morning, Michelle began to experience spotting and cramping. Because of our previous experiences with pregnancies, we knew the signs of a miscarriage but we called the doctor anyway. She has been with us since the beginning of our family and so was well aware of Michelle's medical history. She returned our phone call that Saturday morning, and after getting the necessary information told us as kindly as possible that the signs indicated that Michelle was experiencing a "waning pregnancy." Even though we were anticipating that information, the actuality of it hit my chest like a ton of bricks.
Michelle began to cry.
Almost immediately the Holy Spirit reminded me of the famous email story in which the optimistic man is shot by robbers. He is whisked to the hospital and sees their grim faces. One of the nurses asks him if he is allergic to anything. He says yes. The entire Operating Room comes to a silent halt to wait for the details. He finally says, "I'm allergic to bullets." He explains that he wants them to operate on him as if he was going to live, and not look at him as a dead man walking.
When the Holy Spirit reminded me of that story I knew I was being invited to have a heavenly perspective and to listen to the Great Physician and not just our doctor.
I reminded Michelle of the story and then declared that we too were allergic to something. Miscarriages. That I understood that God was in control, but that the baby was still alive and that we would knock and keep on knocking on the door of heaven until something happened.
Not long after that, Michelle was talking with her mother on the phone. I could tell that the conversation was being too emotional and not hopeful enough. I asked to get on the phone and listened to my wonderful mother-in-law sympathize and support our emotions however we wanted to be supported. I reminded her of the story of the optimistic man and told her that we were allergic to miscarriages. We didn't want prayer that essentially said "well God, you're in control, you do what you want to do." We wanted prayer that was contending for the life of our child. She immediately understood and stood and contended with us during the ensuing months.
The next couple weeks were an emotional roller coaster as Michelle began to realize the limits of her activity, eventually being consigned to her bed for the majority of the pregnancy. During those first couple weeks as we were praying and contending for the new life, the Holy Spirit impressed on my mind the name of our baby. "Thunder" he whispered to me. I spent the rest of my time at RHOP that night looking up verses that had the word "thunder" in them.
The Holy Spirit guided me to Psalm 81:7 - You called in distress and I delivered you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! [Num. 20:3, 13, 24.] . The verse immediately spoke to me. I began to study that verse more that evening discovering that the work "distress" is actually a feminine word that can also mean tightness. That totally spoke to me of the cramping that Michelle's womb was experiencing. The waters of Meribah is where the Israelites strived with the Lord and He provided water for them. Our fourth child, the first to end in miscarriage we had named Selah. It was as if she was in heaven, and had signed this verse specifically for us.
I firmly believe and am persuaded that without these impressions from the Holy Spirit, our family would be one person smaller.
Michelle: When Paul first told me that he was allergic to miscarriages, I was a bit skeptical. After all, hadn't we had two miscarriages in the past year? I just wasn't sure that my body would be able to carry any more pregnancies, especially considering how hard the first three had been. While I was sad to possibly lose this baby too, my faith was pretty low. I had more faith that God would be with me in the sadness, as He had before, than that He could carry this baby to term.
I was about to start a major journey of learning about faith.
At first I simply agreed with Paul to be supportive. I was touched that he cared about this baby so much. But part of me, afraid of disappointment, didn't want to hope too much. When my mother began to join him in believing for the life of our baby, I was convicted. Instead of assuming that God would just do whatever He wanted to do and that my job was simply to submit to the inevitable, I began to ask Him what His will was for this baby. Soon I too had a strong conviction that God intended for this child to live. While listening to a Rock podcast of a sermon by Pastor Steve Gregor, I became convinced that I did not need to prematurely mourn the life of a child who was alive inside me, no matter what the prognosis might appear to be. Instead, I decided to rejoice in every day of the precious life that we had been given, whether that be days, months, or years.
As a tangible way of rejoicing, I borrowed a shofar my mother had gotten from Jerusalem. Bringing it home, I blew it loud and long, declaring God's victory and thanking Him for the life of our baby. For much of the pregnancy, especially on the hardest days, this became our family tradition at bedtime. Our entire family would shout and praise the Lord, quoting Psalm 107:1, "Give thanks the the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever." The kids loved it. Even if I couldn't get out of bed to join them, I would hear Paul, Rayne, Reesa, and Cedar shouting and thanking God for baby Thunder.
I began to feel the baby move as the weeks went by, and my fear of losing him lessened. Though the pregnancy continued to be difficult almost to the end, every ultrasound showed that he was perfectly healthy. God was truly holding him safely inside my womb. While researching in Strong's Concordance for words that might work as a name for our baby, I encountered the word "kole," which is a Hebrew word translated as "thunder" and "voice." Paul and I agreed that this would be the name of our child.
A few weeks before Kole's due date, I was feeling up to attending the RHOP Encountering God Service where Diane Parnell was teaching about the Song of Solomon. As a side note to something she was saying, she mentioned that Jesus didn't medicate His pain on the cross. Instead, He fully embraced it, trusting His Father to carry Him through. I immediately felt the conviction that God was inviting me to a new level of trust in Him. The phrase that I clearly heard in my spirit was, "You can do that." Wanting to go deeper in my relationship with God, and after consulting with Paul, I accepted the invitation. I experienced great fear at first. I had been grateful for epidurals with each of my three previous births, but due to some complications, we did not have peace about my getting one this time. I had been praying about it throughout the pregnancy, hoping that God would enable me to have another epidural safely. Instead, He gave me faith to trust Him to carry the pain for me, reminding me of Isaiah 53:4, "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."
We asked a dear Christian friend to be our doula and shared with her our fears and hopes. I asked her how, with so little time to prepare, I could feel ready to give birth naturally. She gave me a list of scriptures to meditate on, encouraging me to add to it as the Lord drew my attention to truths I could hold on to. That list became my lifeline, and after a couple of weeks, I found that I was no longer afraid! This was a great miracle, for the fear of the pain of child birth had nearly paralyzed me for years.
The day that Kole was born was the crowning glory of the entire experience. It still makes me laugh to think of how God brought Kole like a thunderclap in the clear, blue sky. I drove myself to the hospital for a routine exam. An hour later I was told that I would not be going home, as the amniotic fluid was leaking. I was not in active labor at the time, but I began praying that God would kick-start me into labor so that I would not need to be induced. A few minutes after Paul arrived at the hospital, labor began. Half an hour later, our miracle baby was born! The on-call doctor wasn't even able to make it to the room in time, so a nurse delivered the baby.
After all that, I know more than ever that God is good and His love endures forever. I have also learned that He wants us to actively partner with Him to see His will done on the earth. Faith is not trusting that what I want will happen. It is trusting in the character and power of God, knowing that He is able to do what He has said He will do. Doctors and people are limited in power, but He is the one who does all things well! All I can do is thank Him.
We waited one week to announce the pregnancy to our family and friends, finally breaking the silence on Father's Day, 2007. Only two weeks later, on a Saturday morning, Michelle began to experience spotting and cramping. Because of our previous experiences with pregnancies, we knew the signs of a miscarriage but we called the doctor anyway. She has been with us since the beginning of our family and so was well aware of Michelle's medical history. She returned our phone call that Saturday morning, and after getting the necessary information told us as kindly as possible that the signs indicated that Michelle was experiencing a "waning pregnancy." Even though we were anticipating that information, the actuality of it hit my chest like a ton of bricks.
Michelle began to cry.
Almost immediately the Holy Spirit reminded me of the famous email story in which the optimistic man is shot by robbers. He is whisked to the hospital and sees their grim faces. One of the nurses asks him if he is allergic to anything. He says yes. The entire Operating Room comes to a silent halt to wait for the details. He finally says, "I'm allergic to bullets." He explains that he wants them to operate on him as if he was going to live, and not look at him as a dead man walking.
When the Holy Spirit reminded me of that story I knew I was being invited to have a heavenly perspective and to listen to the Great Physician and not just our doctor.
I reminded Michelle of the story and then declared that we too were allergic to something. Miscarriages. That I understood that God was in control, but that the baby was still alive and that we would knock and keep on knocking on the door of heaven until something happened.
Not long after that, Michelle was talking with her mother on the phone. I could tell that the conversation was being too emotional and not hopeful enough. I asked to get on the phone and listened to my wonderful mother-in-law sympathize and support our emotions however we wanted to be supported. I reminded her of the story of the optimistic man and told her that we were allergic to miscarriages. We didn't want prayer that essentially said "well God, you're in control, you do what you want to do." We wanted prayer that was contending for the life of our child. She immediately understood and stood and contended with us during the ensuing months.
The next couple weeks were an emotional roller coaster as Michelle began to realize the limits of her activity, eventually being consigned to her bed for the majority of the pregnancy. During those first couple weeks as we were praying and contending for the new life, the Holy Spirit impressed on my mind the name of our baby. "Thunder" he whispered to me. I spent the rest of my time at RHOP that night looking up verses that had the word "thunder" in them.
The Holy Spirit guided me to Psalm 81:7 - You called in distress and I delivered you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]! [Num. 20:3, 13, 24.] . The verse immediately spoke to me. I began to study that verse more that evening discovering that the work "distress" is actually a feminine word that can also mean tightness. That totally spoke to me of the cramping that Michelle's womb was experiencing. The waters of Meribah is where the Israelites strived with the Lord and He provided water for them. Our fourth child, the first to end in miscarriage we had named Selah. It was as if she was in heaven, and had signed this verse specifically for us.
I firmly believe and am persuaded that without these impressions from the Holy Spirit, our family would be one person smaller.
Michelle: When Paul first told me that he was allergic to miscarriages, I was a bit skeptical. After all, hadn't we had two miscarriages in the past year? I just wasn't sure that my body would be able to carry any more pregnancies, especially considering how hard the first three had been. While I was sad to possibly lose this baby too, my faith was pretty low. I had more faith that God would be with me in the sadness, as He had before, than that He could carry this baby to term.
I was about to start a major journey of learning about faith.
At first I simply agreed with Paul to be supportive. I was touched that he cared about this baby so much. But part of me, afraid of disappointment, didn't want to hope too much. When my mother began to join him in believing for the life of our baby, I was convicted. Instead of assuming that God would just do whatever He wanted to do and that my job was simply to submit to the inevitable, I began to ask Him what His will was for this baby. Soon I too had a strong conviction that God intended for this child to live. While listening to a Rock podcast of a sermon by Pastor Steve Gregor, I became convinced that I did not need to prematurely mourn the life of a child who was alive inside me, no matter what the prognosis might appear to be. Instead, I decided to rejoice in every day of the precious life that we had been given, whether that be days, months, or years.
As a tangible way of rejoicing, I borrowed a shofar my mother had gotten from Jerusalem. Bringing it home, I blew it loud and long, declaring God's victory and thanking Him for the life of our baby. For much of the pregnancy, especially on the hardest days, this became our family tradition at bedtime. Our entire family would shout and praise the Lord, quoting Psalm 107:1, "Give thanks the the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever." The kids loved it. Even if I couldn't get out of bed to join them, I would hear Paul, Rayne, Reesa, and Cedar shouting and thanking God for baby Thunder.
I began to feel the baby move as the weeks went by, and my fear of losing him lessened. Though the pregnancy continued to be difficult almost to the end, every ultrasound showed that he was perfectly healthy. God was truly holding him safely inside my womb. While researching in Strong's Concordance for words that might work as a name for our baby, I encountered the word "kole," which is a Hebrew word translated as "thunder" and "voice." Paul and I agreed that this would be the name of our child.
A few weeks before Kole's due date, I was feeling up to attending the RHOP Encountering God Service where Diane Parnell was teaching about the Song of Solomon. As a side note to something she was saying, she mentioned that Jesus didn't medicate His pain on the cross. Instead, He fully embraced it, trusting His Father to carry Him through. I immediately felt the conviction that God was inviting me to a new level of trust in Him. The phrase that I clearly heard in my spirit was, "You can do that." Wanting to go deeper in my relationship with God, and after consulting with Paul, I accepted the invitation. I experienced great fear at first. I had been grateful for epidurals with each of my three previous births, but due to some complications, we did not have peace about my getting one this time. I had been praying about it throughout the pregnancy, hoping that God would enable me to have another epidural safely. Instead, He gave me faith to trust Him to carry the pain for me, reminding me of Isaiah 53:4, "Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows."
We asked a dear Christian friend to be our doula and shared with her our fears and hopes. I asked her how, with so little time to prepare, I could feel ready to give birth naturally. She gave me a list of scriptures to meditate on, encouraging me to add to it as the Lord drew my attention to truths I could hold on to. That list became my lifeline, and after a couple of weeks, I found that I was no longer afraid! This was a great miracle, for the fear of the pain of child birth had nearly paralyzed me for years.
The day that Kole was born was the crowning glory of the entire experience. It still makes me laugh to think of how God brought Kole like a thunderclap in the clear, blue sky. I drove myself to the hospital for a routine exam. An hour later I was told that I would not be going home, as the amniotic fluid was leaking. I was not in active labor at the time, but I began praying that God would kick-start me into labor so that I would not need to be induced. A few minutes after Paul arrived at the hospital, labor began. Half an hour later, our miracle baby was born! The on-call doctor wasn't even able to make it to the room in time, so a nurse delivered the baby.
After all that, I know more than ever that God is good and His love endures forever. I have also learned that He wants us to actively partner with Him to see His will done on the earth. Faith is not trusting that what I want will happen. It is trusting in the character and power of God, knowing that He is able to do what He has said He will do. Doctors and people are limited in power, but He is the one who does all things well! All I can do is thank Him.
Pictures of Kole!
It takes me a while to get some things done, but eventually, by God's grace, they do get done! Here are pictures of our little Thunder, Kole, for the first four months of his life. From hospital to home, baby shower, visiting friends and relatives, and lots of love from big sisters and brothers, he is enjoying life. Have fun looking at some of the highlights. (Click on picture to access web album.)
If you would like the full story, go to "Kole's Story."
 |
| Kole's 1st Four Months |
If you would like the full story, go to "Kole's Story."
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Surprise: We're expecting!
Dear Friends and Family:
It's true! Another baby is on the way!
We are very excited. We have just signed a contract with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). They are not an agency themselves, but they work with agencies from across the country to find suitable homes for babies. Because we already have children and have no issues with fertility (quite the opposite!) we have found that we don't fit the "standard" profile of adoptive couples. The benefits for us deciding to use CAC instead of going with an agency directly is that we will have access to a much larger pool of children and they will be able to match us with agencies that are willing to accommodate our particular situation.
As many of you know, we have long desired to adopt, having even pursued it twice. Each time God has closed the doors for us. We have left this path of family growth in God's hands, and he has been faithful. Recently, we both have felt the Holy Spirit urging us to go ahead and try again, so here we are!
Our desire is to provide a home for an African-American baby. The need for adoption of minority children is so high that agencies discount their costs to encourage couples to adopt across racial lines. Even with those discounts, the costs for adoption will easily reach $20,000 or more. That is certainly an amount of money we don't have, but the Lord does! We are approaching adoption as much excitement and as much of an open heart as with the birth of any of our children.
We hope to be conducting the home study during the fall and to be matched with a baby within a year from now.
If you would like, you can follow along this journey here with us on Michelle's family blog.
With joy,
Paul and Michelle
It's true! Another baby is on the way!
We are very excited. We have just signed a contract with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC). They are not an agency themselves, but they work with agencies from across the country to find suitable homes for babies. Because we already have children and have no issues with fertility (quite the opposite!) we have found that we don't fit the "standard" profile of adoptive couples. The benefits for us deciding to use CAC instead of going with an agency directly is that we will have access to a much larger pool of children and they will be able to match us with agencies that are willing to accommodate our particular situation.
As many of you know, we have long desired to adopt, having even pursued it twice. Each time God has closed the doors for us. We have left this path of family growth in God's hands, and he has been faithful. Recently, we both have felt the Holy Spirit urging us to go ahead and try again, so here we are!
Our desire is to provide a home for an African-American baby. The need for adoption of minority children is so high that agencies discount their costs to encourage couples to adopt across racial lines. Even with those discounts, the costs for adoption will easily reach $20,000 or more. That is certainly an amount of money we don't have, but the Lord does! We are approaching adoption as much excitement and as much of an open heart as with the birth of any of our children.
We hope to be conducting the home study during the fall and to be matched with a baby within a year from now.
If you would like, you can follow along this journey here with us on Michelle's family blog.
With joy,
Paul and Michelle
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