Waiting on Him

Today is my estimated due date to have our seventh child, our fourth boy. It is also Easter Sunday, and it has been the cherished desire of my heart to have him today, or at least this weekend. Good Friday, Easter, Passover ... these are days of such significance. And this baby has such significance to us as well. Though it may sound funny since we have so many children, in many ways he is our first "love baby." Let me explain. We have deeply wanted, desired, and loved every one of our children, but this baby holds a unique place as one who was conceived in our hearts even before his physical conception, during a season of transformation in our understanding of God's love for us and the depth of passion that He desires us to experience for each other. Along with that is a growing understanding of how His love for us and our love for each other is life-affirming, life-creating, joyful and fruitful.

The journey of this pregnancy has also taught us God's goodness to us, not because we deserve it, but simply because He is good. All of my pregnancies have had their challenges, some more than others, and we have learned different things along the way. This time, as a surprise in the middle of the pregnancy, God blessed us with our dream home, a farm house in the middle of a beautiful countryside. He also gave me strength and endurance beyond anything I've experienced before to handle the packing and moving even while pregnant.

Now, at the end of the pregnancy, I am finding that I still rely a lot on my own strength, while my loving heavenly Father wants to teach me to trust and rely completely on Him. I've grown more and more anxious to know when this child will be born so that I can plan and prepare myself. As each day has begun, I've stood breathlessly at the edge of a great adventure (birth), ready to dive in. By the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted from holding my breath, so to speak, all day, wondering if the time to jump has come now? ... no, not now ... now? ... no, not now, ... NOW??? God, couldn't we do a countdown here or something? I need to know how to pace myself for the end of this nine-month journey!

This morning, He reminded me that I don't need to know exactly when and how it's all going to happen, because He does. I can trust Him to make me ready at the right time. So now I can relax and enjoy the rest of this Easter Sunday, knowing that my Abba has everything under control, so I don't have to. I can simply wait on Him.

[H]ope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for [it] with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. . . . And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose (Romans 8:24-28, excerpts).