Let's Get Real

My friend, Courtney (who I only know through her blog), inspired this post. I try to be real in this blog (and in my life). Sometimes I feel I am too open. But I like people to know me in reality, not in some false image that I create for them.

EXCEPT when it comes to my house. In that area, I would love to have someone airbrush my life. (I'm just being honest.) Over the past year, my husband and I have been in a dinner group hosted by several couples who have become good friends. (One or two of them may even read this blog.) And I have grown terrified at the thought that we might ever need to take our turn hosting. Without exception, every one of their houses has been neater, cleaner, and most of all, more beautifully decorated than mine. We live comfortably and, for the most part, happily in this rental with terrible gray-brown carpet and plain white walls that need paint badly. We're actually grateful for the yucky carpet since our babies love to roll off of whatever blanket or towel I lay them on and spit up on it!

Anyway, I love to read things my friends write that are just real, so I am joining the Mommy Revolution and spreading the word to just Get Real. I enjoy relationships so much more when I am allowed past the facade, and I'm sure many others feel the same way. If you do, leave a comment or write your own post and leave a link so I can get to know you better too!

I've already shared about my embarrassment over my less-than-guest-ready-home. (Oh, and I forgot to mention the huge backyard that is a swamp during the winter and a lumpy mess of weeds and bare patches in the summer - but the kids LOVE to run and play in it so I love it too - except when we have guests to see its flaws.) Here are a few more confessions:

1. The Valentine's Date Disaster: My husband and I have given up going on dates on Valentine's Day since our fourth child was born on Feb. 14. So last week we went on our belated (and much anticipated) Valentine date. It started out well. We enjoyed a free dinner at On the Border with a gift card Paul had gotten from work. Afterward, as we were driving to the movie theater to see Edge of Darkness with our discounted movie tickets from Costco, we were pulled over and cited for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign. Needless to say, that put a serious damper on the evening. After some awkward attempts on my part to help cheer my husband up (he was driving), we went ahead to the movie. (It was fun to see the bad guys get what they had coming to them.) We had planned to go out to dessert after the movie, but a series of miscommunications and assumptions led us to come home instead and go to bed frustrated and angry (at least, I was). I learned a lesson that I hope sticks with me: when someone just got a ticket (or something else bad happens to them), don't try to cheer them up. Just empathize. Be in the moment. Give it time. Perspective will come later, but sometimes you just need a chance to grieve, rant, be sad, be mad, whatever.

Last night we did get to finish our plans by having a dessert date at Cheesecake Factory where I ordered Chris's Outrageous Chocolate Cake. (It really is outrageous; I'm still working on it.) We talked about words and definitions and things that no one in the world would think funny except ourselves. We laughed and laughed and enjoyed each other. Then we came home and watched Ice Castles on Netflix instant watch. It wasn't at good a movie as I remembered it being when I was a teen.

That one was really long. I hope the rest are shorter.

2. Anger: I yelled at my four-year-old today while making my five-year-old cry by snapping at her. After a day filled with grace and many wonderful moments, I suddenly lost all patience. We got the math done, but I was sad to have lost some of the sparkle in their eyes. Maybe we can get it back tomorrow. Thank God for new days.

3. Bad Personal Hygiene: I don't get dressed every day, or even brush my hair or teeth. Today was one of those days.

4. Self-induced Sleep Deprivation: I stay up way too late nearly every night and pay for it in the morning. Tonight is one of those nights. I love to get up early to spend time with God, but most days it doesn't happen and I try to make it up at naptime.

5. Once a Week Whether They Need It Or Not: I only give my kids baths once a week. That may horrify some, but it's the way it is. It takes me all morning to get them all bathed. I just can't do it every day. So one day during the weekend is "bath day," and they all get clean, "whether they need it or not," as my husband says. (Believe me, by then they need it. - We do try to keep hands and faces clean in between, but their nails are truly disgusting by the end of the week.)

6. Procrastination: I hate cleaning bathrooms, putting away laundry, and picking up toys. So I procrastinate. And then, when it gets really bad, I yell at the kids for not keeping their bathroom clean, putting away their laundry, and picking up their toys. (I am gradually riding this cycle less and less, thankfully, but I still need help.)

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I am a weak, sinful person who needs to admit that fact far more often than I actually do. I am learning to say I'm sorry more, but it's still hard for me. I need God, and I need to know how much I need Him. I want to be free of the need for approval from others, but I still crave it.

How about you? Want to share?