A Little Crazy?

A friend recently drew my attention to this post that I wrote three years ago. I am thankful that in many ways, life is not as hard as it was then. My oldest three children, now eight, six, and five, are SO helpful. And I am much more at peace with my life. With some hormonal supplementation and lots of prayer, I experience depression much less than I used to. We now have six children and are beginning the process to adopt #7! Yet, somehow, I feel a little less crazy than I did then. Rereading this today, it rings more true than ever.

I have been thinking a lot lately about adoption. Why are we doing this? Is it a good idea? Are we hearing God, or just going off half-cocked with good intentions but little wisdom? What will people think? What does God think?

I know what I think. I think we're more than a little crazy. We have four (now six) children already. Our oldest is five (now eight), and our youngest is five months (nineteen months). There are many (only some now, thankfully, since the depression is largely gone) days when I wonder how in the world I will survive the next five years--no, minutes. In nearly seven (now ten) years of marriage, we have yet to go more than nine months of our marriage without getting pregnant (nineteen months and counting now), and in addition to our four living children, we have had two miscarriages. In the natural, it makes sense that this would be a time to step back and regroup, not a time to step it up yet again.

And yet.

There is a burning in my heart that will not be ignored. And when I tap into that place, that God-space inside me, all of my objections are burned away in an instant. Suddenly I don't care how tired I am, how messy my house gets, or how much more I have to slow down my life. Suddenly I realize that my life is not getting more complicated by adding more children. No, with each additional child my life becomes less complicated. My focus turns more and more toward home, toward love, toward being. I have much less time and energy for outside activities and lots of doing. Instead, I find myself stopping, looking into little faces, smiling, laughing. Oh, there are still the moments (and they are many) when I think I am going to collapse under the drain of the continual need of the little people in my life. But then I am constrained once again to look at what I am really trying to do, who I am really called to be. To refocus my gaze. To stop trying so hard. To relax and let this season be what it is.

What is this season?

This is not a season for outward accomplishments. This is not a season for pursuing goals. This is not a season for being SuperMom. This is not a season for doing much at all.

And yet ... it is.

It is a season for digging deep. It is a season for gazing at the face of the One I love most in the countenances of His children. For wiping His tears, bandaging His owies, preparing His food, and, yes, even changing His diapers. It is a season for becoming less, less, and then much, much less, while He becomes more, more and more again within me, to me, through me, around me, above me, beneath me, permeating the very air I breathe.

It is a season for becoming, for discovering who I am in His heart as all my outward identities are stripped away. A season for being hidden in the palm of His hand, being fed from His table, and delighting in the intimacy of His gaze. A season for knowing that, though I am mostly invisible to the outside world, though most of my accomplishments go unnoticed, He sees. A season for learning that that is enough. It is more than enough. It is everything.

It is a season for learning that He is enough.

I meant to focus on adoption in this post, but my heart is so full that I couldn't even get that far. Think of this as the preamble. I have much more to share another time. For now, wherever you may be, whatever the circumstances in which you find yourself, I pray that in that very place you will find God. He is so worth finding that all the struggle becomes nothing compared with the delight of knowing Him.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Co 4:17-18 NKJV)

It Doesn't Take a Supermom to Homeschool ... (part 2 of 2)

I would like to finish this post by sharing some of the ways that I homeschool my children. Not because I think that it's the only right way to do it, but because some of it might help another homeschooling mom. If the shoe fits, then wear it! (And if it doesn't, move on and find another one that does.)

First of all, we choose not to participate in charter school. We do not want the added pressure of having to meet public school standards. I enjoy being accountable only to my husband and God. I do sometimes wish that we had money for activities like soccer, ballet, gymnastics, or horseback riding, but my husband and I feel that God (not the government) will provide what we need when (and if) we need it.

I choose not to use prepackaged curricula for most subjects because I feel that would make homeschooling less fun for us and add unnecessary pressure. I also don't try to do every subject every day. We do try to do Bible and reading every day. The other subjects I try to do three days a week. I only "plan" school work for Monday-Thursday, leaving Fridays to do makeup work and/or something fun (like going to the library or on a field trip).

For reading, I use a simple phonics program that I downloaded from the internet. First, I used it to teach my highly motivated first daughter (currently 7 years old) to read. She quickly blew through it and now reads anything she can get her hands on. Currently I am using it to teach my 6-year-old daughter to read. She is going slowly but delights to understanding more and more words. I have not even started to teach my four-year-old formally, but he catches the overflow, and I try to read to him a little every day. My kids also enjoy workbooks, so I got them some spelling and writing workbooks. They do a couple of pages a day in each workbook.

For math, we are using a prepackaged curriculum called Right Start Math. All three of my kids are still in the first (aka, Kindergarten) level. We are going really slowly through this because I want to be sure that they (and I) really understand and enjoy it. I started out teaching my two older girls together, but it was frustrating for them both because of the differences in their abilities. It was also frustrating to me because our lessons were taking 1-2 hours a day. So I continued with my older daughter, who is now nearly finished with Level A and will soon begin Level B (when we can afford to buy it). Her math lessons now take about 15-30 minutes a day. After a break I started over with my 6-year-old and added her 4- (almost 5-) year-old brother. So far they seems to be working well together, and she doesn't seem to have noticed that I set her back. She also enjoys math a lot more now. I do too, especially since I can get their lesson done in 30 minutes a day.

For P.E. , we take walks and go swimming at a neighbor's pool.

For science, we notice things on our walks and in everyday life. The other day we saw a little snake on the sidewalk. I had my kids draw a snake when we got home, and my oldest (who can read and write on her own) wrote a few sentences describing it. I have a book of science experiments you can do at home, but we haven't cracked it open yet. Sometimes something comes up that my kids ask a question about. Last week it was, "What is lava?" I proceeded to explain volcanoes to them and wrote it down as our science for the day. Later, when a volcano erupted recently in Indonesia, we talked about it. I read a news article to them (to which they only marginally paid attention), we watched Youtube videos of volcanoes erupting (they loved that part), and they drew pictures of volcanoes. Bonus: we prayed for the Indonesian people too!

For social studies, we are currently using free stuff that I found on the Voice of the Martyrs website, kidsofcouragemag.net. They have activity booklets on several different countries. I printed out one on Malaysia, and we enjoyed reading about that country and doing the simple activities that were included. Next we will be starting to study Ethiopia. (Last year, we used Five in a Row, a picture-book-based unit study curriculum, and we loved it - it was very fun and easy to do.)

Last but certainly not least, our main subject is Bible. This is the one that we try to do every day no matter what. We are reading through a chronological Bible paraphrase called Day by Day Kids' Bible. My kids love to draw, so every other week or so, I tell them the subject headings for upcoming sections, and they draw pictures that are related. I make copies (we invested in a good printer/copier that wasn't too expensive this year, and it's great). Then, each day during "Bible Time," they color our homemade Bible coloring pages while I read to them. We have a "prayer box," a simple index card file on which I write prayer requests. I pass out two or three cards to each child, and we pray for the people listed on the cards. We also memorize scripture this way, writing a couple verses on a card and making up silly tunes to sing them together. It's a super-easy way to get the Word in our hearts. Bible is my favorite subject to do with my kids, because it feeds my spirit too! (Note: on the days when I am too tired or cranky to teach Bible, or when I need to spend some extra time on my AA daughter's hair, I turn on a "Bible" movie for the kids to watch, like The Miracle Maker.)

I hardly spend any time planning or grading or anything like that. I just find things that are easy and fun for us to do. And if we don't get everything done that I thought we should, I am learning to stop stressing about it. Instead, I ask God what He wants us to get done that day. He then reminds me that His goal is for us to love each other (John 13:34-35; 15:12, 17). Then I remember that I shouldn't worry so much about WHAT we do, and instead focus on just loving my kids.

Final thoughts (to bring this back to how I'm not Supermom): I do not do my makeup every day, and I have learned some really quick, easy things to do with my hair. I do usually get dressed since we try to go for a walk most days (it helps all our perspectives to get out of the house for a little while). However, when I'm pregnant or nursing, I don't always get dressed. My house is ALWAYS messy, except when we clean up before having guests over, and even then it's far less perfect than I'd like. My living room furniture is torn up and we can't afford to replace it (though we're praying for some good free or really cheap furniture). The dishes usually stay piled up in the sink until after lunch. Some days I cannot cook, so instead we have "snack dinner" where everyone picks something to eat like cereal or yogurt. I also make big meals so we have leftovers at least 1-2 days a week. I do not "do it all." We are not involved in many extracurricular activities. Our big outings for the week are church, the park, and the library. I teach my kids piano lessons, but we cannot afford sports or other outside activities. We have a live-in roommate who helps with dishes and laundry during the week. We cannot afford to pay much, so we basically exchange room and board for some help. When the babies are awake, we can't really get anything done, so all our school work is done during their nap times. My husband has given me Monday nights and Sunday mornings "off." This really helps to keep me sane. I take that time to do personal things I want to do, like read, sleep, etc. I try to get up early to spend time with the Lord, but I also love to stay up late enjoying the peace and quiet after the kids are in bed, so my sleep/wake schedule is pretty inconsistent.

I hope that these posts help someone see that it doesn't take a Supermom to homeschool. It just takes an ordinary mom (or dad) who is willing to say yes to God's invitation to daily sow into her children's hearts, even when it's a struggle. A Supermom wouldn't do, actually. Not at all. It takes a weak one.

"For when I am weak, then I am strong" (1 Corinthians 12:10b).

It Doesn't Take a Supermom to Homeschool ... (part 1 of 2)

... because I'm not! (Supermom, that is.)

Yes, I have six children. And yes, I do homeschool them. (Only two of them "officially" so far.) And it is the most fun, hard, crazy, fulfilling, chaotic, exasperating and irreplaceable thing I have ever done.

Homeschooling, like every other aspect of my life, is something I have struggled with in prayer before God. Yes, I have wanted to do it since I myself was a homeschooled student (and loved it). But I still wrestle with God about giving up so much time and energy to educate my children, especially when I am told that the elementary school right across the street from my house is really good. I have sometimes fantasized about those few steps that would whisk my children off into the wonderland of education-by-others, leaving me with an easier day at home.

Easier in some ways, that is.

Sometimes, when homeschooling starts to feel like too much (like every day this week), I go back to the Lord, asking whether I should continue. His words have given me courage:

"It will be harder if you send them to school."

Harder? How?

Well, it depends on my perspective. If my goal is to have more discretionary time to pursue more of my personal goals, then sending them to school would certainly seem to make that easier. But what about the cost? How much more time would I need to spend re-parenting them when they got home? What kind of attitudes would they pick up? Would their hearts remain soft toward God? And would it be worth giving up our daily times of praying, worshiping, and memorizing scripture together?

I quickly realized that He was right. Then I remembered that His primary goal is not their intellectual education. He's after their hearts.

And so I remembered another sentence God spoke to me a couple of years ago:

"Stop telling Me why you can't and ask Me how."

Yes, there are days when I don't know if I can do it. Yes, there are days I want to quit. But on those days, the words above sustain me. I am learning to stop, breathe, and ask Him, "How do You want me to do this today? What are Your goals? This isn't working. I must be off track. Do You have a better way for us to arrange our schedule? Do we need to cut out or add some activities? I need HELP during this time of the day (or with this particular child). Should I stop trying to do ____, or is there another way to approach it?"

Every day I beg God for wisdom and strength.

And guess what? There are many days when I simply love having my children home with me. Most of the time, I look forward to our school times together. Why? Because our home school is not a carbon copy of what they would get across the street. It is perfectly designed for our unique family. It fits us, and it's fun.

It all depends on my perspective.

If I compare my school with the one across the street, I fall short. If I compare my school with private schools, I fall short. Even if I compare my school with other home schools, I fall short. But God has not called me to look at all of them. He has called me to to keep my eyes on Him. So I asked Him, "What do You want me to teach my children? What are the standards that You want us to achieve?"

Somehow, I expected Him to talk to me about their knowledge of English grammar, science, math, reading, and history. But you know what He told me? "Teach them to love Me with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as they love themselves" (my paraphrase of Mark 12:30 and Luke 10:27).

Can they do that across the street? Will they even try?

So I continue to homeschool. And I am growing to be OK with being different, maybe even behind in some areas. Because in other areas I know that my kids are learning far more than they could "over there."

I Love My Hair!

The Wolf of Tebron Book Review (Favorite Thing #7)

Recently, my husband decided that I needed to take a break from my usual reading list, which includes mostly non-fiction research topics, to read a new book that he brought home for me. Now, I love fiction, but I rarely find an author that I really enjoy reading. So, having greatly enjoyed this one, I am glad to help spread the word about The Wolf of Tebron. The following is excerpted from an email conversation I had with the author, C. S. Lakin:

Me: I just finished reading The Wolf of Tebron with delight. I feel that I have found a friend in you as one who loves good writing and explores profound themes. I found the opening pages a bit heavy on poetic imagery, but as I continued and grew more accustomed to your writing style, the story drew me in. The frequent quotes from the Bible and great authors gave me much meat to chew on as I enjoyed the twists and turns of the story. Thank you for writing a book that I would recommend to my friends, and one that I would enjoy reading again. I look forward to reading the next book in the series.

Lakin: Thanks so much! One of the reasons I write fantasy in addition to contemporary fiction is to be able to play with language and imagery. The Bible is full of amazing imagery--mountains clapping their hands and rivers singing for joy. People don't often stop to think how God loves poetic imagery too--the world reflects it. I think you'll love the next book--Map across Time. It has less imagery, more Scripture and biblical allegory, and it's a heartbreaking and inspiring tale. It should come out after the New Year.

Me: I find myself continuing to think about certain imagery and concepts that you explored. The idea that humans live in a sort of dream state, not knowing who we really are or where our home is, rings true. Truly we see but dimly now, but then we will see face to face. I also keep pondering Ruyah being at the same time Joran's friend, father, and a type of God/Jesus. It is a rich and complex characterization. Being an adoptive parent, I appreciate the depiction of his adoptive family creating a warm and caring home to which Joran longs to return.

I hope you enjoy The Wolf of Tebron as much as I did!

Favorite Thing #11: Ethnic Hair and Body Care

A friend who is adopting asked for some info about the products I like to use with Crown. I thought it would be fun to share it here too!

For her body, my favorite moisturizer is coconut oil. I buy it at Sunrise Natural Foods for about $11 a tub. (I just get their least expensive brand.) It lasts 6 months or so. I rub it all over her body and face (especially around her nose and mouth, which tends to be her driest area) every morning and after baths. I only give her a bath once or twice a week (unless extra baths are needed due to accidents), and I wash her hair once every week to two weeks. I feel that helps her skin and hair not get too dried out.

For her hair, I use Hawaiian Silky Miracle Worker every day (I get it at Sally's Beauty Supply for about $5 a bottle). In the morning when I oil her body, I also spray HS generously on her hair and massage (if her hair is in twists or ponytails) or brush (if her hair is loose) it in. I have found that a boar bristle brush works best for her fine but very curly hair. It seems to get most of the little tangles out if I work it in sections (which I do about once a week or so - the rest of the time it's usually up in twists or ponytails). If there are larger tangles, I will use a wide-tooth comb, but that does bother her more.

To wash her hair, I use Just for Me brand shampoo and conditioner. It took me some time to find these in Roseville, but recently the Walmart in West Roseville started carrying them. I use regular baby bath soap for her body.

I have also tried some other products that have been recommended to me. I used a Just for Me straightening mist, but I couldn't tell that it did much. Silken Child just made her hair really coarse, though I've heard it's popular. Coconut oil on her hair did the same thing. Olive oil can be used on hair, but I found it a bit too light. I like Carol's Daughter hair milk (which I could only find at Arden Mall Sephora - the one in Roseville doesn't carry it), but it's pretty expensive ($18 per bottle). There are a lot of other products out there that can be tried, but so far I'm happy with the price and relative simplicity of the ones I am currently using.

I do have one other product that I use for twists, Organic Root Stimulator Lock and Twist. I can post more about that later, but I don't want to include too much info in this post.

A Few of My Favorite Things #5: Home Schooling

Well, while I fully intended to honor the requests I had to answer #4 first, I have not yet been able to do so. In the meantime, I received a message asking me about home schooling and how I do it. So I thought that I'd get started on my list of Favorite Things by posting my answer here. I do hope to get started on answering the family size question soon, though!

I read and researched about home schooling for years before I had school-aged children so that by the time I really got going, I had a pretty good idea how I wanted to do it. Of course, I didn't picture having two babies and a toddler at the same time, but God provides the way.

I personally don't push preschool very hard. My thinking is that they'll learn eventually, but my goal is for it to be fun. So I surround my children with learning opportunities: books, games, puzzles, play-doh, art supplies, educational DVD's (one of my favorites is Meet the Sight Words - my two-year-old already recognizes a lot of the words just from watching it), and lots of time to play and explore their world. My kids like workbooks too, so I get inexpensive ones from Walmart or Lakeshore Learning store just for fun. I really don't set goals at the preschool age. Just keep it light and fun.

I have noticed that my son, who is four and a half, is taking a lot longer to get interested in reading than my girls did. My oldest, who is seven, was bugging me to teach her to read starting at age 3. I started using The Reading Lesson with her when she was Kindergarten age, and she took off. She absorbed reading pretty much effortlessly. I am getting an opportunity to work a little harder with my 2nd. I started using The Reading Lesson with her this year. (She will be six this Saturday and, age-wise, is finishing Kindergarten). She is much more easily discouraged than my oldest, so I haven't pushed it very hard. We've gotten through a few (I think 6 or 7) of the 20 lessons in the course. But I don't make her do more than she can do without getting too frustrated, so we're going really slow. We read 1-2 pages a day, 2-3 days a week. I have read that reading "clicks" with some kids earlier (like age 3 or 4) and others not until later (even 8 or 9). But as adults, they all do equally well. The main thing is not to make them hate school and learning. My 4-year-old son has shown nearly no interest in reading, though he does recognize the alphabet and know his numbers. So I just read to him and let him participate in school as much as he is interested. He loves to be read to, so I know that it will come eventually.

I am sharing all this in hopes that you will see your children in some of what I am saying and be able to apply it to your own kids.

Probably the most helpful piece of advice that I received is that there is no one right way to teach your children. There is no perfect curriculum, schedule, or teacher. (Ha! Good thing, because I'm not it!) So just try what interests you and your children, and adjust as you go along. It's OK to start out with one curriculum and change to something else if it isn't working for you.

By the way, The Reading Lesson is something I found online. I like it because it's inexpensive to use over and over (paid for it once, downloaded it, and can print out as many times as needed). I also like that it's simple and doesn't overload the kids with a lot of rules and complication. Just teaches them to read basic words as a foundation to build upon. I didn't get any of the extras; just the basic e-book. It worked well for my oldest and seems to be working fine for my 2nd as well.

I barely scratched the surface of your questions, but my time is up for now. I will try to get back and add more soon. Please let me know if what I've shared so far is helpful.