... because I'm not! (Supermom, that is.)
Yes, I have six children. And yes, I do homeschool them. (Only two of them "officially" so far.) And it is the most fun, hard, crazy, fulfilling, chaotic, exasperating and irreplaceable thing I have ever done.
Homeschooling, like every other aspect of my life, is something I have struggled with in prayer before God. Yes, I have wanted to do it since I myself was a homeschooled student (and loved it). But I still wrestle with God about giving up so much time and energy to educate my children, especially when I am told that the elementary school right across the street from my house is really good. I have sometimes fantasized about those few steps that would whisk my children off into the wonderland of education-by-others, leaving me with an easier day at home.
Easier in some ways, that is.
Sometimes, when homeschooling starts to feel like too much (like every day this week), I go back to the Lord, asking whether I should continue. His words have given me courage:
"It will be harder if you send them to school."
Harder? How?
Well, it depends on my perspective. If my goal is to have more discretionary time to pursue more of my personal goals, then sending them to school would certainly seem to make that easier. But what about the cost? How much more time would I need to spend re-parenting them when they got home? What kind of attitudes would they pick up? Would their hearts remain soft toward God? And would it be worth giving up our daily times of praying, worshiping, and memorizing scripture together?
I quickly realized that He was right. Then I remembered that His primary goal is not their intellectual education. He's after their hearts.
And so I remembered another sentence God spoke to me a couple of years ago:
"Stop telling Me why you can't and ask Me how."
Yes, there are days when I don't know if I can do it. Yes, there are days I want to quit. But on those days, the words above sustain me. I am learning to stop, breathe, and ask Him, "How do You want me to do this today? What are Your goals? This isn't working. I must be off track. Do You have a better way for us to arrange our schedule? Do we need to cut out or add some activities? I need HELP during this time of the day (or with this particular child). Should I stop trying to do ____, or is there another way to approach it?"
Every day I beg God for wisdom and strength.
And guess what? There are many days when I simply love having my children home with me. Most of the time, I look forward to our school times together. Why? Because our home school is not a carbon copy of what they would get across the street. It is perfectly designed for our unique family. It fits us, and it's fun.
It all depends on my perspective.
If I compare my school with the one across the street, I fall short. If I compare my school with private schools, I fall short. Even if I compare my school with other home schools, I fall short. But God has not called me to look at all of them. He has called me to to keep my eyes on Him. So I asked Him, "What do You want me to teach my children? What are the standards that You want us to achieve?"
Somehow, I expected Him to talk to me about their knowledge of English grammar, science, math, reading, and history. But you know what He told me? "Teach them to love Me with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as they love themselves" (my paraphrase of Mark 12:30 and Luke 10:27).
Can they do that across the street? Will they even try?
So I continue to homeschool. And I am growing to be OK with being different, maybe even behind in some areas. Because in other areas I know that my kids are learning far more than they could "over there."
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
True Beauty
Last spring, while Paul and I were in Las Vegas (he was attending a business conference), I had the wonderful opportunity to spend uninterrupted time alone with the Lord, seeking Him and letting Him speak to my heart. I found, to my dismay, that I was overwhelmed by the false images of beauty that surrounded me there. I couldn't just dismiss them as I'd hoped. Every billboard and sign seemed to mock me with how far short my body fell of the ideal presented. I knew that Paul said he found me beautiful, but I had such a hard time believing him. I knew that God must see things differently than what was presented there, but I couldn't imagine how. So, that first day, I spent the morning asking God to reveal true beauty to me. His answer so far exceeded my expectations that I have not struggled with this issue in a serious way since. (I had been struggling with this for years, ever since our rather disappointing honeymoon experience which I have shared in person before and may blog about sometime.)
Today I read a blog post that made me realize many women struggle with this issue. So I think it's time for me to share what God shared with me. Here is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it helps someone else as it's helped me.
Lord, teach me what is beautiful to You. You call me beautiful and flawless (Song of Songs 4:7). So does my husband. But I have such a hard time believing it. This week in Las Vegas, surrounded by seductive beauty advertised on billboards, signs, and flyers, I am confronted with the kind of beauty I inwardly desire. I compare myself to it. I feel that if I could attain it I could capture my husband's heart more fully. For if I looked more like those women, wouldn't he be so satisfied with me that he'd lose the temptation ever to look at another? Can't I have that kind of beauty?
This is how the Lord answered me in the quiet place of my listening heart:
"No, my beloved. I don't want your heart to lust after that kind of beauty. It is passing at best. I want you to pursue the kind of beauty that captures My heart. You already have this kind of beauty, and you are growing more beautiful daily. Let me remove the false idol from your heart.
"I am altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16). Do you think that I look like a fertility goddess? No, I look like My Son. Am I less because I look like a humble servant? A broken, bleeding man on a cross? That is the kind of beauty I want for you.
"Beauty is your face laughing at the day to come as you so fully rely of Me that its challenges don't daunt you (Proverbs 31:25). Beauty is your eyes looking with love on the ones I have given into your care. Beauty is your hair tied back so it isn't in your way while you work. Beauty is your body getting up in the morning to seek me and prepare breakfast for your family. Beauty is your belly stretched and marked by carrying My children. Beauty is your heart that keeps giving, your back that keeps bending, your hands that keep serving even when you are weary.
"Your husband does not desire to embrace another woman. That is why he turns away his eyes when their images are flaunted before him. He knows that they are a deception. I have already removed that false idol from his heart. Let me remove it from yours as well.
"Your husband does desire to embrace you, his wife. You are the one who serves him and his children and then, at the end of the day, turns to him with a heart full of love. Your body is beautiful to him. He does not see scars and callouses. He sees love.
"How could he not love you? He loves Me. He loves what I love. You are my good and perfect gift to him (James 1:17), matched to him in every way. You are the one he needs and wants. He desires no other to share his bed, his heart, and his life.
"Just as My Son did not wear his full glory when He walked the earth, neither do you. Just as He will soon be revealed in His full beauty, so will you. The world does not value His beauty. He was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). But those who have eyes to see know that His beauty surpasses all others.
"I have eyes to see your beauty, My beloved. And you have captured your husband's heart with just one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). He is captivated by you. You are a work of art, My masterpiece. I see it, and so does he. Receive his love. Receive My love."
I pray that these words minister to your heart as they minister to mine.
Today I read a blog post that made me realize many women struggle with this issue. So I think it's time for me to share what God shared with me. Here is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it helps someone else as it's helped me.
Lord, teach me what is beautiful to You. You call me beautiful and flawless (Song of Songs 4:7). So does my husband. But I have such a hard time believing it. This week in Las Vegas, surrounded by seductive beauty advertised on billboards, signs, and flyers, I am confronted with the kind of beauty I inwardly desire. I compare myself to it. I feel that if I could attain it I could capture my husband's heart more fully. For if I looked more like those women, wouldn't he be so satisfied with me that he'd lose the temptation ever to look at another? Can't I have that kind of beauty?
This is how the Lord answered me in the quiet place of my listening heart:
"No, my beloved. I don't want your heart to lust after that kind of beauty. It is passing at best. I want you to pursue the kind of beauty that captures My heart. You already have this kind of beauty, and you are growing more beautiful daily. Let me remove the false idol from your heart.
"I am altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16). Do you think that I look like a fertility goddess? No, I look like My Son. Am I less because I look like a humble servant? A broken, bleeding man on a cross? That is the kind of beauty I want for you.
"Beauty is your face laughing at the day to come as you so fully rely of Me that its challenges don't daunt you (Proverbs 31:25). Beauty is your eyes looking with love on the ones I have given into your care. Beauty is your hair tied back so it isn't in your way while you work. Beauty is your body getting up in the morning to seek me and prepare breakfast for your family. Beauty is your belly stretched and marked by carrying My children. Beauty is your heart that keeps giving, your back that keeps bending, your hands that keep serving even when you are weary.
"Your husband does not desire to embrace another woman. That is why he turns away his eyes when their images are flaunted before him. He knows that they are a deception. I have already removed that false idol from his heart. Let me remove it from yours as well.
"Your husband does desire to embrace you, his wife. You are the one who serves him and his children and then, at the end of the day, turns to him with a heart full of love. Your body is beautiful to him. He does not see scars and callouses. He sees love.
"How could he not love you? He loves Me. He loves what I love. You are my good and perfect gift to him (James 1:17), matched to him in every way. You are the one he needs and wants. He desires no other to share his bed, his heart, and his life.
"Just as My Son did not wear his full glory when He walked the earth, neither do you. Just as He will soon be revealed in His full beauty, so will you. The world does not value His beauty. He was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). But those who have eyes to see know that His beauty surpasses all others.
"I have eyes to see your beauty, My beloved. And you have captured your husband's heart with just one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). He is captivated by you. You are a work of art, My masterpiece. I see it, and so does he. Receive his love. Receive My love."
I pray that these words minister to your heart as they minister to mine.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
I Will Trust You
How to even express what I am thinking? I am grieving for Derek's wife Renee, for his children, for his brother and sister-in-law, for his nieces and nephews, and for the rest of his family and community. But I am also grieving for myself. I lost a hero this week. He was more than a preacher I heard once. He was a knight in shining armor, riding fearlessly into the dragon's cave and rescuing damsels in distress. He was a husband adored by his beautiful wife. He was a father who poured out his heart for his children. The frustrating thing is saying "he was." Why am I not saying "he is"? He should still be here with us. Still riding out ahead, still making wrong things right, one life at a time.
To quote Randy Bohlender, "This really stinks."
"God, help me understand! What are You doing? What are You thinking?" These are the questions that have hit me really hard today.
Derek still "is." To put it in Jesus' words, Derek has fallen asleep. But then why can't we wake him? Why can't he wake up tomorrow, kiss his wife, swing his kids around in his arms, and venture out to save the world again? For one simple reason: he "is," but he is not "here." "Here" is where we want him to be. God, send him back! Why did you take him now?
I feel like I'm looking at a picture of reality from one perspective. From here it looks like sadness and tears. The colors are flat, dark, and dreary. If I could just tilt my head a little one way or another I would see in 3D and the picture would suddenly become breathtakingly beautiful. It would be infused with light and color, and all the darkness I see now would become the contrast against which God's perfect plan would shine more brightly.
One question that I have heard whispered in my soul is this, "Who are you trusting in?" Oh, that hurts to hear, but there is comfort in it too. Whose job is it, really, to care for Renee and her children? Ultimately, it is God's. He is their true joy, their true protector, their true provider. He is the rescuer of the innocent, the comforter of the brokenhearted. Derek was bright because His Spirit shone through him. And HE has not left them. He will not.
You WILL NOT forsake them. Never. Not ever.
And so, though the picture has not yet shifted for me, I will trust You.
To quote Stephen Curtis Chapman, "Though this first taste is bitter, there will be sweetness forever."*
Let forever come.
*(From "Our God Is in Control" on the album Beauty Will Rise.)
To quote Randy Bohlender, "This really stinks."
"God, help me understand! What are You doing? What are You thinking?" These are the questions that have hit me really hard today.
Derek still "is." To put it in Jesus' words, Derek has fallen asleep. But then why can't we wake him? Why can't he wake up tomorrow, kiss his wife, swing his kids around in his arms, and venture out to save the world again? For one simple reason: he "is," but he is not "here." "Here" is where we want him to be. God, send him back! Why did you take him now?
I feel like I'm looking at a picture of reality from one perspective. From here it looks like sadness and tears. The colors are flat, dark, and dreary. If I could just tilt my head a little one way or another I would see in 3D and the picture would suddenly become breathtakingly beautiful. It would be infused with light and color, and all the darkness I see now would become the contrast against which God's perfect plan would shine more brightly.
One question that I have heard whispered in my soul is this, "Who are you trusting in?" Oh, that hurts to hear, but there is comfort in it too. Whose job is it, really, to care for Renee and her children? Ultimately, it is God's. He is their true joy, their true protector, their true provider. He is the rescuer of the innocent, the comforter of the brokenhearted. Derek was bright because His Spirit shone through him. And HE has not left them. He will not.
You WILL NOT forsake them. Never. Not ever.
And so, though the picture has not yet shifted for me, I will trust You.
To quote Stephen Curtis Chapman, "Though this first taste is bitter, there will be sweetness forever."*
Let forever come.
*(From "Our God Is in Control" on the album Beauty Will Rise.)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Second Best?
Daughter,
You are precious and beloved. I have longed and prayed for you many years before you were born. In no way could you ever be considered second best in my heart. Beautiful flower transplanted into my garden, if anything, I may tend to spoil you a little because I want to make sure that your roots are firmly established in the soil of love.
One emotion that I was not prepared to feel, though, as your mother, is fear. How you will see me as you grow into a woman? Will you love me? Or will you resent me? I have chosen to be your mother, but you did not choose to be my daughter. I am sure that you will wonder about the one who gave birth to you. It is a normal and healthy thing to do. I hope that you will love her and be blessed with a close relationship with her. I am glad that we have an open relationship with her so that you will always have all your questions answered and, I hope, all your heart's needs fulfilled.
But where does that leave me? Am I the "other" mother? Does that make me less? Am I second best? One night as I prayed to have my heart unlocked toward you more fully, the Holy Spirit revealed this fear lying deeply in my heart. I heard His gentle whisper,
"So what if you are second best? Will you love her any differently?"
There you go. My fear out in front of me, waiting to be dealt with. How would I answer? There was no hesitation.
"No, I will not love her any differently. Whether or not she ever returns my love, I will love her with all my heart."
So, my precious pearl, I am yours forever. No matter what you choose to do with my heart, you have it today and forever. You always have, and you always will. I love you.
With all my heart,
Your mommy
You are precious and beloved. I have longed and prayed for you many years before you were born. In no way could you ever be considered second best in my heart. Beautiful flower transplanted into my garden, if anything, I may tend to spoil you a little because I want to make sure that your roots are firmly established in the soil of love.
One emotion that I was not prepared to feel, though, as your mother, is fear. How you will see me as you grow into a woman? Will you love me? Or will you resent me? I have chosen to be your mother, but you did not choose to be my daughter. I am sure that you will wonder about the one who gave birth to you. It is a normal and healthy thing to do. I hope that you will love her and be blessed with a close relationship with her. I am glad that we have an open relationship with her so that you will always have all your questions answered and, I hope, all your heart's needs fulfilled.
But where does that leave me? Am I the "other" mother? Does that make me less? Am I second best? One night as I prayed to have my heart unlocked toward you more fully, the Holy Spirit revealed this fear lying deeply in my heart. I heard His gentle whisper,
"So what if you are second best? Will you love her any differently?"
There you go. My fear out in front of me, waiting to be dealt with. How would I answer? There was no hesitation.
"No, I will not love her any differently. Whether or not she ever returns my love, I will love her with all my heart."
So, my precious pearl, I am yours forever. No matter what you choose to do with my heart, you have it today and forever. You always have, and you always will. I love you.
With all my heart,
Your mommy
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
What to do today?
What to do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Questions of Prayer, Healing, Life, and Death
It's Sunday evening. The kids are all in bed. The girls asked if they could sleep together tonight, promising that they really wouldn't talk. This led to a conversation about promising things that they would never follow through on (and telling them that I never expect them to sleep together without talking, just to keep it quiet). I was just upstairs swaddling Thunder Buddy (Daddy's nickname) so he would stop crying and go to sleep, and I heard them whispering to each other in bed. I have so many fond memories of late-night conversations in bed with my sisters. Hearing their quiet giggles makes my heart smile.
I kissed Thunder a little more tenderly after I swaddled him tonight. This evening I've been reading a blog by a mother who lost her little one around the same time that we received our miracle baby. I sobbed as I watched a slideshow of the day her baby was born.
The Lord is so much greater and more beautiful and more terrible and more tender than I can comprehend.
While we are rejoicing over the birth of our little one, another mother is losing hers.
One person is healed and another continues in chronic pain.
He relieves my chronic neck and shoulder pain without any fanfare while I continue to struggle with depression and hypothyroidism.
One night a couple of weeks ago, I prayed for Thunder who was coughing and struggling to sleep through a stuffy nose. At first I was frustrated and complaining, God, why don't you heal him? Then my heart suddenly received the grace to be humble, and I simply lifted him up before the throne of grace, asking God to touch his little body. He immediately went into a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night and only coughed a couple more times over the next day or two.
My Salt Racer endures constant back and neck pain. Visits to the chiropractor helped for a season, but when we trimmed our budget a couple of years ago he stopped going. The pain drains his energy. I pray for him, sometimes with much faith and sometimes with little. One night my heart was filled with such childlike faith. I placed my hands on his neck and lower back and lifted him up to Abba, knowing that my prayers were being heard and that He cared for us and delighted to hear us asking Him for help. I even felt something shifting in his back. He said he felt it too.
Since then, he's had some of his worst days.
I wonder, is it my fault? Am I not praying hard enough or consistently enough? Does God care? Why doesn't He heal my husband? Why doesn't He heal me?
I am afraid I'm becoming like an Israelite in the wilderness--tired and complaining. Forgetting all the miracles God has done for me. Experiencing a little discomfort (or a lot), and suddenly my memory of His goodness becomes very short. I start to question His goodness. What a fickle, unruly heart I have!
Heart, I would teach you to rest in the Lord with the trust of a little child.
On Friday I got the results of a blood test that show my thyroid is still not working right. Had I gotten the results I hoped for, I would be rejoicing. Since I didn't, I am discouraged. This morning, I read this excerpt from a letter by the apostle Paul:
"... we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life [itself]. Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the [very] sentence of death, but that was to keep us from trusting in and depending on ourselves instead of on God Who raises the dead. [For it is He] Who rescued and saved us from such a perilous death, and He will still rescue and save us; in and on Him we have set our hope (our joyful and confident expectation) that He will again deliver us [from danger and destruction and draw us to Himself] ..." (2Corinthians 1:8b-10 AMP).
As I am writing this, my sister-in-law, Beloved Pearl, is watching The Passion of the Christ. Jesus is being beaten and mocked, and Peter is so confused by what is going on that he is denying his Lord. He does not understand the heart of a Father who would love His Son so much and yet allow Him to suffer defeat, discouragement, and death. I am reminded of these words:
"Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, there shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone" (Psalm 91:9-12 AMP).
These words are so confusing in light of very real circumstances, even the circumstances of Jesus' life, that Satan used them to try to confuse and tempt the Son of God (Luke 4:10). If anyone deserved this level of protection, it was Jesus. Yet He suffered more than any man.
What does that mean, God?
The answer begins here:
"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Psalm 91:15 AMP).
He does not promise that we would not suffer, but that those who dwell "in the secret place of the Most High" (91:1) shall have no evil befall them. In other words, nothing can happen to them outside of Abba's perfect, loving will. In the case of Jesus, it was the Father's will to crush His Son:
"Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief and made Him sick" (Isa 53:10a AMP).
Jesus is being whipped. Satan is watching, seeming to think that he is winning. God's perfect will is being done. And the Son is submitting willingly. (The scene currently playing from The Passion.)
These are the paradoxes in which we live. Lord, I would like to understand. But more than that, I would like to trust You as did Your Firstborn. He didn't question or complain. He rested in Your love even when You lovingly assigned Him to endure torture and death. He endured everything You asked because He knew Who You Are and Who He Is in You. No circumstance would ever cause Him to become offended or disobedient to You, the only One who is Good.
I, too, am Your child. Help me to rest in You as He did. Help me to trust You no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what.
Thank You for these struggles that keep me from trusting in myself. Help me to look beyond the present death and despair. For You are the God who raises the dead.
I kissed Thunder a little more tenderly after I swaddled him tonight. This evening I've been reading a blog by a mother who lost her little one around the same time that we received our miracle baby. I sobbed as I watched a slideshow of the day her baby was born.
The Lord is so much greater and more beautiful and more terrible and more tender than I can comprehend.
While we are rejoicing over the birth of our little one, another mother is losing hers.
One person is healed and another continues in chronic pain.
He relieves my chronic neck and shoulder pain without any fanfare while I continue to struggle with depression and hypothyroidism.
One night a couple of weeks ago, I prayed for Thunder who was coughing and struggling to sleep through a stuffy nose. At first I was frustrated and complaining, God, why don't you heal him? Then my heart suddenly received the grace to be humble, and I simply lifted him up before the throne of grace, asking God to touch his little body. He immediately went into a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night and only coughed a couple more times over the next day or two.
My Salt Racer endures constant back and neck pain. Visits to the chiropractor helped for a season, but when we trimmed our budget a couple of years ago he stopped going. The pain drains his energy. I pray for him, sometimes with much faith and sometimes with little. One night my heart was filled with such childlike faith. I placed my hands on his neck and lower back and lifted him up to Abba, knowing that my prayers were being heard and that He cared for us and delighted to hear us asking Him for help. I even felt something shifting in his back. He said he felt it too.
Since then, he's had some of his worst days.
I wonder, is it my fault? Am I not praying hard enough or consistently enough? Does God care? Why doesn't He heal my husband? Why doesn't He heal me?
I am afraid I'm becoming like an Israelite in the wilderness--tired and complaining. Forgetting all the miracles God has done for me. Experiencing a little discomfort (or a lot), and suddenly my memory of His goodness becomes very short. I start to question His goodness. What a fickle, unruly heart I have!
Heart, I would teach you to rest in the Lord with the trust of a little child.
On Friday I got the results of a blood test that show my thyroid is still not working right. Had I gotten the results I hoped for, I would be rejoicing. Since I didn't, I am discouraged. This morning, I read this excerpt from a letter by the apostle Paul:
"... we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life [itself]. Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the [very] sentence of death, but that was to keep us from trusting in and depending on ourselves instead of on God Who raises the dead. [For it is He] Who rescued and saved us from such a perilous death, and He will still rescue and save us; in and on Him we have set our hope (our joyful and confident expectation) that He will again deliver us [from danger and destruction and draw us to Himself] ..." (2Corinthians 1:8b-10 AMP).
As I am writing this, my sister-in-law, Beloved Pearl, is watching The Passion of the Christ. Jesus is being beaten and mocked, and Peter is so confused by what is going on that he is denying his Lord. He does not understand the heart of a Father who would love His Son so much and yet allow Him to suffer defeat, discouragement, and death. I am reminded of these words:
"Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, there shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone" (Psalm 91:9-12 AMP).
These words are so confusing in light of very real circumstances, even the circumstances of Jesus' life, that Satan used them to try to confuse and tempt the Son of God (Luke 4:10). If anyone deserved this level of protection, it was Jesus. Yet He suffered more than any man.
What does that mean, God?
The answer begins here:
"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Psalm 91:15 AMP).
He does not promise that we would not suffer, but that those who dwell "in the secret place of the Most High" (91:1) shall have no evil befall them. In other words, nothing can happen to them outside of Abba's perfect, loving will. In the case of Jesus, it was the Father's will to crush His Son:
"Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief and made Him sick" (Isa 53:10a AMP).
Jesus is being whipped. Satan is watching, seeming to think that he is winning. God's perfect will is being done. And the Son is submitting willingly. (The scene currently playing from The Passion.)
These are the paradoxes in which we live. Lord, I would like to understand. But more than that, I would like to trust You as did Your Firstborn. He didn't question or complain. He rested in Your love even when You lovingly assigned Him to endure torture and death. He endured everything You asked because He knew Who You Are and Who He Is in You. No circumstance would ever cause Him to become offended or disobedient to You, the only One who is Good.
I, too, am Your child. Help me to rest in You as He did. Help me to trust You no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what.
Thank You for these struggles that keep me from trusting in myself. Help me to look beyond the present death and despair. For You are the God who raises the dead.
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