Changes

First of all, I can hardly believe it's been so long since I've posted. I know I've always been a bit sporadic, but five months is a long time to be quiet. That's not very like me. I think the reason is that there has been so much going on inside that I've been processing, I haven't known what to say. So I've been just living life (which has been good, by the way) and waiting on the Lord for further direction.

In the meantime, there have been a few changes. First of all, we are pregnant! Our sweet baby #7 is due to come on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012. I really hope that he/she is born on that day. It just means so much to me. This baby is such a gift from God. I have had such a hard time with my attitude about being pregnant in the past, but since adding Crown and Lion to our family in 2009, my heart has changed so much. I want to welcome every little one with whom God blesses us with open arms and an open heart. Including the process of their arrival, whether through my womb or that of another loving birth mother. So there has been a dual desire in my heart. I want ... oh, so badly ... to adopt again soon. And I also want to have the incredible opportunity to carry another little life inside, and this time with a good attitude!

Regarding adoption, we are still waiting on the Lord. Despite our completed home study, there have not yet been any open doors for us in this area. We are praying and hoping that it will not be too much longer!

And finally, we are moving! While doors have not yet opened for us to adopt again, doors have opened (for the first time since we sold our last home in 2006) for us to buy a house! It's a pretty farm house out in the country, and we are SO excited to move our family there. The property is an acre, which we plan to "homestead" farm with gardens, goats, chickens, and whatever else we can dream of. We will be surrounded by beautiful 20+ acre horse ranches, trees, and fields. This is a dream come true for Saltracer and me, as we have longed to raise our children in a more rural environment. The house itself is in some need of repair (hence our ability to purchase it for a low price), so we will be spending the first few months/year or more remodeling and renovating to make it just right. I'm actually looking forward to it, as I feel that this is my opportunity to really design my home just the way I want it. I haven't been so excited about creating a home since moving into our first home, a small townhouse, and setting it up when we were newlyweds.

Speaking of which, we celebrated our 10th anniversary during my "quiet period." We enjoyed a beautiful, romantic weekend in Sutter Creek at The Grey Gables bed and breakfast. It was so fun to relax, talk, walk, and dream together. That weekend was actually the seed for us coming home and seriously looking into purchasing a farm house. Now look what God has done! I am in awe.

I hope soon to post pictures of our new home. We'll have to post "before" and "after" pictures during the renovation. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this update and that God is blessing you abundantly, above all that you could ask or think.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I have been reflecting lately that I have many areas of interest, only some of which I've blogged about. Partly because I'm busy all the time with my kids, and partly because I don't want to risk offending or being misunderstood, I tend to stick with what I see as safer subjects and keep others to myself unless asked. But I have prayed, researched, and discussed these so thoroughly with my husband that I feel it is time to step out of my comfort zone and make myself available to discuss them.

So here is a list of a few of my favorite things. Not everything on here is controversial. They are just the subjects that I like to think, read, write, and talk about most. Most of them are probably no surprise. (Maybe none of them are!) But I am hoping to write at least one blog post about each subject. This is a large goal for me and may take a year or more given how often I am able to post, but I am hoping to complete it eventually. If you're interested in any of these subjects, I hope to start a conversation with you. Please leave comments!

1. Knowing God through prayer, worship, and meditating on Scripture.

2. Marriage (Growing closer to my husband, learning to be a godly wife, the "s" word - submission.)

3. Parenting (Investing in relationships with my children, teaching them to know and love God, and modeling His love to them [ouch!].)

4. Natural Family Planning/Theology of the Body/Large Families (Could also be called "Are you sure you aren't Catholic?" BIG subject - lots to say - we'll see how this one goes.)

5. Home Schooling (Bible-centered, life apprenticeship, intergenerational relationships, one room schoolhouse, living books, non-charter.)

6. Adoption/Orphans (Ohh yeah. I LOVE this subject! Also learning about attachment in adoption - which helps with bio offspring as well, by the way.)

7. Reading (C. S. Lewis, George MacDonald, J. R. R. Tolkein, G. K. Chesterton, L. M. Montgomery, Louisa May Alcott, and the like. Also lots of nonfiction in areas of interest.)

8. Household Organization (Menus, Chore Charts, Finances, etc.)

9. Writing, Composing, Drawing, Journaling (When I have the time [sigh] .... But God is teaching me how to use these passions to enrich my children's education. Fun for me and for them!)

10. Healing from Sexual Addiction (Been there, walking the path of healing.)

11. Black hair and skin care (having fun learning about my daughter's hair and skin!) and other aspects of race and culture.

12. Cloth Diapers (Thought I'd never do it, but here I am, cloth diapering three little bottoms at once!)

13. Movies (Just for fun - though I often have a hard time doing anything just for fun - I like historical, biographical, musicals, classics, pure romance, and heroic.)

There you go. Anyone want to talk? Which should I blog about first?

10 Things I Love about My Husband

I have been thinking about this for a few days. This post reminded me that I've been wanting to share a few things that I love about my husband:

1. He cuddles with me every night when we go to bed even though he has to lay on the side that hurts to do it. (His back and neck need God's healing touch. His body is in constant pain.)

2. He loves our children and shows it by wrestling with them and letting them help him in the garden.

3. He changes diapers (even poopy ones) uncomplainingly even though he knows he doesn't have to. (We have a deal: I don't have to squish bugs and he doesn't have to change poopy diapers. But he does it anyway.)

4. He loves to spend time with me! He looks forward to our date nights as much as I do.

5. He texts me every day when he's on the way home and wants me to reply letting him know what we're doing so he can join in when he comes through the door. I love that he cares about the little things.

6. He tells me I'm his favorite person (and he is mine!).

7. He thinks I'm beautiful even when I have no makeup on, haven't brushed my hair, and am wearing spit-uppy sweats.

8. He makes the bed when he gets up last (even though he hates doing it) because he knows it means a lot to me.

9. He doesn't complain when he has to go to the laundry room to find his shirts.

10. He cries when he reads about orphans or rescued babies.

We have only been married eight years, and I am more and more amazed all the time at what an incredible husband I have.

Do you want to share about how awesome your husband is?

True Beauty

Last spring, while Paul and I were in Las Vegas (he was attending a business conference), I had the wonderful opportunity to spend uninterrupted time alone with the Lord, seeking Him and letting Him speak to my heart. I found, to my dismay, that I was overwhelmed by the false images of beauty that surrounded me there. I couldn't just dismiss them as I'd hoped. Every billboard and sign seemed to mock me with how far short my body fell of the ideal presented. I knew that Paul said he found me beautiful, but I had such a hard time believing him. I knew that God must see things differently than what was presented there, but I couldn't imagine how. So, that first day, I spent the morning asking God to reveal true beauty to me. His answer so far exceeded my expectations that I have not struggled with this issue in a serious way since. (I had been struggling with this for years, ever since our rather disappointing honeymoon experience which I have shared in person before and may blog about sometime.)

Today I read a blog post that made me realize many women struggle with this issue. So I think it's time for me to share what God shared with me. Here is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it helps someone else as it's helped me.

Lord, teach me what is beautiful to You. You call me beautiful and flawless (Song of Songs 4:7). So does my husband. But I have such a hard time believing it. This week in Las Vegas, surrounded by seductive beauty advertised on billboards, signs, and flyers, I am confronted with the kind of beauty I inwardly desire. I compare myself to it. I feel that if I could attain it I could capture my husband's heart more fully. For if I looked more like those women, wouldn't he be so satisfied with me that he'd lose the temptation ever to look at another? Can't I have that kind of beauty?

This is how the Lord answered me in the quiet place of my listening heart:

"No, my beloved. I don't want your heart to lust after that kind of beauty. It is passing at best. I want you to pursue the kind of beauty that captures My heart. You already have this kind of beauty, and you are growing more beautiful daily. Let me remove the false idol from your heart.

"I am altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16). Do you think that I look like a fertility goddess? No, I look like My Son. Am I less because I look like a humble servant? A broken, bleeding man on a cross? That is the kind of beauty I want for you.

"Beauty is your face laughing at the day to come as you so fully rely of Me that its challenges don't daunt you (Proverbs 31:25). Beauty is your eyes looking with love on the ones I have given into your care. Beauty is your hair tied back so it isn't in your way while you work. Beauty is your body getting up in the morning to seek me and prepare breakfast for your family. Beauty is your belly stretched and marked by carrying My children. Beauty is your heart that keeps giving, your back that keeps bending, your hands that keep serving even when you are weary.

"Your husband does not desire to embrace another woman. That is why he turns away his eyes when their images are flaunted before him. He knows that they are a deception. I have already removed that false idol from his heart. Let me remove it from yours as well.

"Your husband does desire to embrace you, his wife. You are the one who serves him and his children and then, at the end of the day, turns to him with a heart full of love. Your body is beautiful to him. He does not see scars and callouses. He sees love.

"How could he not love you? He loves Me. He loves what I love. You are my good and perfect gift to him (James 1:17), matched to him in every way. You are the one he needs and wants. He desires no other to share his bed, his heart, and his life.

"Just as My Son did not wear his full glory when He walked the earth, neither do you. Just as He will soon be revealed in His full beauty, so will you. The world does not value His beauty. He was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). But those who have eyes to see know that His beauty surpasses all others.

"I have eyes to see your beauty, My beloved. And you have captured your husband's heart with just one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). He is captivated by you. You are a work of art, My masterpiece. I see it, and so does he. Receive his love. Receive My love."

I pray that these words minister to your heart as they minister to mine.

What?!?

Read this to see why it is so important to pass Proposition 8:

First Graders Taken to San Francisco City Hall For Gay Wedding

With hope,
Michelle

Vote Yes on Prop 8

This video is eye-opening.