Last spring, while Paul and I were in Las Vegas (he was attending a business conference), I had the wonderful opportunity to spend uninterrupted time alone with the Lord, seeking Him and letting Him speak to my heart. I found, to my dismay, that I was overwhelmed by the false images of beauty that surrounded me there. I couldn't just dismiss them as I'd hoped. Every billboard and sign seemed to mock me with how far short my body fell of the ideal presented. I knew that Paul said he found me beautiful, but I had such a hard time believing him. I knew that God must see things differently than what was presented there, but I couldn't imagine how. So, that first day, I spent the morning asking God to reveal true beauty to me. His answer so far exceeded my expectations that I have not struggled with this issue in a serious way since. (I had been struggling with this for years, ever since our rather disappointing honeymoon experience which I have shared in person before and may blog about sometime.)
Today I read a blog post that made me realize many women struggle with this issue. So I think it's time for me to share what God shared with me. Here is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it helps someone else as it's helped me.
Lord, teach me what is beautiful to You. You call me beautiful and flawless (Song of Songs 4:7). So does my husband. But I have such a hard time believing it. This week in Las Vegas, surrounded by seductive beauty advertised on billboards, signs, and flyers, I am confronted with the kind of beauty I inwardly desire. I compare myself to it. I feel that if I could attain it I could capture my husband's heart more fully. For if I looked more like those women, wouldn't he be so satisfied with me that he'd lose the temptation ever to look at another? Can't I have that kind of beauty?
This is how the Lord answered me in the quiet place of my listening heart:
"No, my beloved. I don't want your heart to lust after that kind of beauty. It is passing at best. I want you to pursue the kind of beauty that captures My heart. You already have this kind of beauty, and you are growing more beautiful daily. Let me remove the false idol from your heart.
"I am altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16). Do you think that I look like a fertility goddess? No, I look like My Son. Am I less because I look like a humble servant? A broken, bleeding man on a cross? That is the kind of beauty I want for you.
"Beauty is your face laughing at the day to come as you so fully rely of Me that its challenges don't daunt you (Proverbs 31:25). Beauty is your eyes looking with love on the ones I have given into your care. Beauty is your hair tied back so it isn't in your way while you work. Beauty is your body getting up in the morning to seek me and prepare breakfast for your family. Beauty is your belly stretched and marked by carrying My children. Beauty is your heart that keeps giving, your back that keeps bending, your hands that keep serving even when you are weary.
"Your husband does not desire to embrace another woman. That is why he turns away his eyes when their images are flaunted before him. He knows that they are a deception. I have already removed that false idol from his heart. Let me remove it from yours as well.
"Your husband does desire to embrace you, his wife. You are the one who serves him and his children and then, at the end of the day, turns to him with a heart full of love. Your body is beautiful to him. He does not see scars and callouses. He sees love.
"How could he not love you? He loves Me. He loves what I love. You are my good and perfect gift to him (James 1:17), matched to him in every way. You are the one he needs and wants. He desires no other to share his bed, his heart, and his life.
"Just as My Son did not wear his full glory when He walked the earth, neither do you. Just as He will soon be revealed in His full beauty, so will you. The world does not value His beauty. He was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). But those who have eyes to see know that His beauty surpasses all others.
"I have eyes to see your beauty, My beloved. And you have captured your husband's heart with just one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). He is captivated by you. You are a work of art, My masterpiece. I see it, and so does he. Receive his love. Receive My love."
I pray that these words minister to your heart as they minister to mine.
Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, May 09, 2009
In Las Vegas, Part 4: Hoover Dam
I had mentioned in my first Las Vegas post that I was looking for a couple of Fun Things that Paul and I could do together in the evenings. We found (and did) them!
First, we both really wanted to see Hoover Dam since it is only about 45 minutes away. I had seen it once before while travelling through, and Paul had never seen it. However, we decided at first that we wouldn't. Due to Paul's conference schedule, there was no way that we could get there before dark, much less in time for a tour. Then, Tuesday night we decided, who cares? It will be a nice drive, even if we can't see much, and it will get us out of the city for a little while. So we stopped by In-N-Out for dinner and drove out to the Dam.
I capitalize "dam" here because this is no ordinary dam. Even at night, with construction going on and guards and not being able to walk on it to look down, it was awe-inspiring. It was beautiful. And as we approached, we were amazed to see a gorgeous, huge, partially-finished Bridge suspended over the gorge high above the Dam. We marveled at what it must take to build such a thing. It looks like it should be impossible, and yet we were seeing it right there, larger than life! (Much, much larger.)
We drove over the Dam and parked at a lookout up the hill a little way. Looking back at the Dam and the Bridge, and out over the waters of Lake Mead, it was so peaceful. Definitely a needed break from the Las Vegas Strip. We drove back with hearts full.
I will write about our second Fun Thing in a separate post.
First, we both really wanted to see Hoover Dam since it is only about 45 minutes away. I had seen it once before while travelling through, and Paul had never seen it. However, we decided at first that we wouldn't. Due to Paul's conference schedule, there was no way that we could get there before dark, much less in time for a tour. Then, Tuesday night we decided, who cares? It will be a nice drive, even if we can't see much, and it will get us out of the city for a little while. So we stopped by In-N-Out for dinner and drove out to the Dam.
I capitalize "dam" here because this is no ordinary dam. Even at night, with construction going on and guards and not being able to walk on it to look down, it was awe-inspiring. It was beautiful. And as we approached, we were amazed to see a gorgeous, huge, partially-finished Bridge suspended over the gorge high above the Dam. We marveled at what it must take to build such a thing. It looks like it should be impossible, and yet we were seeing it right there, larger than life! (Much, much larger.)
We drove over the Dam and parked at a lookout up the hill a little way. Looking back at the Dam and the Bridge, and out over the waters of Lake Mead, it was so peaceful. Definitely a needed break from the Las Vegas Strip. We drove back with hearts full.
I will write about our second Fun Thing in a separate post.
Friday, May 08, 2009
In Las Vegas, part 3: A Prayer
This week, as I read the following in Song 3:1-3. I felt that it was a picture of the hearts of the people in Las Vegas and in our nation/culture:
"Night after night on my bed I looked for the man I love. I looked for him, but I didn't find him. 'I will get up now and roam the city, through the streets and open places, I will look for the man I love.' I looked for him, but I didn't find him. The guards roaming the city found me. 'Have you seen the man I love?'"
Day after day, night after night, they are looking for the One they love. They may not even realize Who it is they are really looking for. But they don't find Him, so they go look for him in the public places, asking the "guards" for help. The wisdom of the age (represented by the guards) tells them that they will find it by satisfying their lusts, by filling themselves with any pleasure available. So they participate willingly, giving themselves to one another and to whatever pleasure presents itself. They even leave thinking that they have been filled. But they have not found what they are looking for, because the guards don't know how to point them to Him.
"Scarcely had I left them, when I found the man I love. I took hold of him and would not let him go until I had brought him to my mother's house, to the bedroom of the woman who conceived me. I warn you ... not to awaken or stir up love until it wants to arise!" (Song 3:4-5).
Lord, You are the love for which they are searching. You are the magnificent obsession for which they are hungry. Reveal Yourself to them. Help them to stop listening to the "guards" and instead to pass them by, determined to find what truly satisfies. And let them find You, take hold of You, and not let You go. Go with them into the deepest, most intimate places of their hearts and bring healing, hope, and restoration. Let them not be awakened by counterfeit loves, but to arise into Your love. Satisfy them, Lord. Bring their dryness to an end. In all their searching, may they find You and be filled.
"Night after night on my bed I looked for the man I love. I looked for him, but I didn't find him. 'I will get up now and roam the city, through the streets and open places, I will look for the man I love.' I looked for him, but I didn't find him. The guards roaming the city found me. 'Have you seen the man I love?'"
Day after day, night after night, they are looking for the One they love. They may not even realize Who it is they are really looking for. But they don't find Him, so they go look for him in the public places, asking the "guards" for help. The wisdom of the age (represented by the guards) tells them that they will find it by satisfying their lusts, by filling themselves with any pleasure available. So they participate willingly, giving themselves to one another and to whatever pleasure presents itself. They even leave thinking that they have been filled. But they have not found what they are looking for, because the guards don't know how to point them to Him.
"Scarcely had I left them, when I found the man I love. I took hold of him and would not let him go until I had brought him to my mother's house, to the bedroom of the woman who conceived me. I warn you ... not to awaken or stir up love until it wants to arise!" (Song 3:4-5).
Lord, You are the love for which they are searching. You are the magnificent obsession for which they are hungry. Reveal Yourself to them. Help them to stop listening to the "guards" and instead to pass them by, determined to find what truly satisfies. And let them find You, take hold of You, and not let You go. Go with them into the deepest, most intimate places of their hearts and bring healing, hope, and restoration. Let them not be awakened by counterfeit loves, but to arise into Your love. Satisfy them, Lord. Bring their dryness to an end. In all their searching, may they find You and be filled.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
In Las Vegas, part 2: Random Impressions
It's amazing how full my days have been even when I have most of the day to myself in a hotel room. Those long, luxurious baths and naps really eat up the time! :) But I have been wanting to post a short list of impressions of this ugly, beautiful city.
1) A pleasant surprise greeted us when we arrived at the Las Vegas airport: clean(er than we expected) air! We had prepared ourselves to be hit by a wall of smoke when we arrived, since that's what had happened last time we flew here about three years ago. We couldn't figure out what was going on until we got to the casino (marveling that we could still breathe even here) and spotted a sign explaining the new "Nevada Clean Air Act" which has been passed by voters. Hallelujah! No headaches this time!
2) A not-so pleasant surprise while driving to our hotel: the sight of five men lining the sidewalk on the Las Vegas Strip wearing neon green, yellow, and orange shirts emblazoned with the words "Girls Direct" It was literally a gauntlet that everyone walking on that side of the street had to pass through. I was glad to see that all the people I saw pass through it were refusing to take the flyers the pimps were trying to force on them. It's amazing how institutionalized and open prostitution is here. I've heard about it but had never before seen the evidence with my own eyes. (Thankfully I have been mostly protected from this during our stay since I haven't been outside much. Paul, on the other hand, has had to face it every day. He has gotten so mad that he wants to take a machete to the "news" bins carrying porn. Instead, he picks up as much of the trashy trash as he can on his daily walks to and from the conference center and dumps it in the nearest dumpster.)
3) Circus Circus at 6am: Did you realize that casinos actually close? Well, not the slot machines. I have seen people at those at every time of the day and night. But the restaurants, shops, and vendors actually do close down for the night. Trying to find hot coffee at 6am is not that easy. But I have grown to enjoy those morning walks to the Krispy Kreme shop. The casino is relatively peaceful. Few people are awake, no one is trying to get your attention, and the only people to be seen are other early risers looking for coffee. There's a sort of cameraderie that is completely gone by 8am when everyone and everything else starts waking up. Though it is a bit surreal to walk through the empty halls of a "circus." Zoltar the fortune teller still talks to you when you walk by. It sort of feels like that scene in the 80's movie, "Big."
4) After spending several days here, I both love and hate Las Vegas more than ever. She can be so beautiful and so ugly at the same time. She is meant to be a jewel, but she has settled for being a cheap thrill. (It was sort of sad-funny to see a woman trying to talk us into discounted show tickets search vainly in her book for something "clean" in her book. She finally gave up and acknowledged that she probably had nothing to interest us. Here eyes seemed to say, "So why are you here?" We were sort of wondering the same thing at the time!)
Time to go get the coffee! I hope to post at least one more time before we head home tomorrow.
1) A pleasant surprise greeted us when we arrived at the Las Vegas airport: clean(er than we expected) air! We had prepared ourselves to be hit by a wall of smoke when we arrived, since that's what had happened last time we flew here about three years ago. We couldn't figure out what was going on until we got to the casino (marveling that we could still breathe even here) and spotted a sign explaining the new "Nevada Clean Air Act" which has been passed by voters. Hallelujah! No headaches this time!
2) A not-so pleasant surprise while driving to our hotel: the sight of five men lining the sidewalk on the Las Vegas Strip wearing neon green, yellow, and orange shirts emblazoned with the words "Girls Direct" It was literally a gauntlet that everyone walking on that side of the street had to pass through. I was glad to see that all the people I saw pass through it were refusing to take the flyers the pimps were trying to force on them. It's amazing how institutionalized and open prostitution is here. I've heard about it but had never before seen the evidence with my own eyes. (Thankfully I have been mostly protected from this during our stay since I haven't been outside much. Paul, on the other hand, has had to face it every day. He has gotten so mad that he wants to take a machete to the "news" bins carrying porn. Instead, he picks up as much of the trashy trash as he can on his daily walks to and from the conference center and dumps it in the nearest dumpster.)
3) Circus Circus at 6am: Did you realize that casinos actually close? Well, not the slot machines. I have seen people at those at every time of the day and night. But the restaurants, shops, and vendors actually do close down for the night. Trying to find hot coffee at 6am is not that easy. But I have grown to enjoy those morning walks to the Krispy Kreme shop. The casino is relatively peaceful. Few people are awake, no one is trying to get your attention, and the only people to be seen are other early risers looking for coffee. There's a sort of cameraderie that is completely gone by 8am when everyone and everything else starts waking up. Though it is a bit surreal to walk through the empty halls of a "circus." Zoltar the fortune teller still talks to you when you walk by. It sort of feels like that scene in the 80's movie, "Big."
4) After spending several days here, I both love and hate Las Vegas more than ever. She can be so beautiful and so ugly at the same time. She is meant to be a jewel, but she has settled for being a cheap thrill. (It was sort of sad-funny to see a woman trying to talk us into discounted show tickets search vainly in her book for something "clean" in her book. She finally gave up and acknowledged that she probably had nothing to interest us. Here eyes seemed to say, "So why are you here?" We were sort of wondering the same thing at the time!)
Time to go get the coffee! I hope to post at least one more time before we head home tomorrow.
Monday, May 04, 2009
In Las Vegas, part 1
We got away!!! After six weeks of nearly continuous illness in our household, Salt Racer is still recovering from pink eye, but thankfully the rest of us haven't gotten it this time. And our wonderful, stupendous family all decided to go ahead and watch our kids anyway so that my hubby and I can get away together for a week in Las Vegas. (He has a conference to attend for work and invited me to come along so I can rest during the day and we can hang out - alone together! - at night.)
This morning we got up early and had breakfast together before he went to his conference for the day. This was fun: I got up while he was still sleeping and went on a trek to find coffee for him. At home the past couple of weeks I've been getting him hot tea in the morning to help him wake up earlier, so it felt really good to still be able to do that for him this morning even though I had to be more creative in finding where to get it in a casino at 6am when everything is mostly closed.
Coming here has been such an adventure already! Surrounded by so much that is really bad, we were feeling a bit out of place last night as we were arriving and getting checked in. Then, as we stood in line at registration, I remembered how when I was a kid traveling with my parents, we could go anywhere and it never fazed me at all because I was with them. So many strange places that we ended up sometimes: casinos, bars, even beaches in Europe with people who didn't think the top parts of their swimsuits were necessary. But as a child, I was hardly affected by my surroundings because I was secure in my parents' care. When I told Paul what I was thinking, he said, "There's something to learn there." We began to realize that we still don't need to worry because we are with our God-Daddy, and He is just as much with us here as anywhere else.
As we continued discussing this (mostly me philosophizing and he nodding his head agreeably), a lady motioned for us to follow her to register. We followed her past all the computer stations and then she motioned for us to go through double doors at the end of the counter labeled "VIP - Invited Guests Only." Our mouths dropped open. We grinning at each other as we realized that our Abba was telling us very plainly, "Yes, you are here with Me, and I am taking care of you. Don't be afraid. Trust Me." It was so powerful that we just sort of walked away on a cloud. We felt surrounded by His favor and love!
Anyway, now I am making my schedule for the day so I don't wonder what to do by myself in a hotel room all day. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm so used to having my schedule dictated by others' needs that I feel a little lost. I thought a schedule might help me feel a bit more grounded (even if I don't follow it strictly, at least it gives me something to come back to when I finish whatever I'm doing). I've got all our stuff unpacked and arranged so it feels a little more homey here. I'm looking forward to reading my Bible, praying, reading a book, resting, and taking a long bath! Then this evening Paul and I will have dinner together. We are thinking about possibly doing a couple of fun things together this week if it's not too expensive. And, of course, it has to be innocent which is hard to find here. I'm going to look into the possibilities today.
This morning we got up early and had breakfast together before he went to his conference for the day. This was fun: I got up while he was still sleeping and went on a trek to find coffee for him. At home the past couple of weeks I've been getting him hot tea in the morning to help him wake up earlier, so it felt really good to still be able to do that for him this morning even though I had to be more creative in finding where to get it in a casino at 6am when everything is mostly closed.
Coming here has been such an adventure already! Surrounded by so much that is really bad, we were feeling a bit out of place last night as we were arriving and getting checked in. Then, as we stood in line at registration, I remembered how when I was a kid traveling with my parents, we could go anywhere and it never fazed me at all because I was with them. So many strange places that we ended up sometimes: casinos, bars, even beaches in Europe with people who didn't think the top parts of their swimsuits were necessary. But as a child, I was hardly affected by my surroundings because I was secure in my parents' care. When I told Paul what I was thinking, he said, "There's something to learn there." We began to realize that we still don't need to worry because we are with our God-Daddy, and He is just as much with us here as anywhere else.
As we continued discussing this (mostly me philosophizing and he nodding his head agreeably), a lady motioned for us to follow her to register. We followed her past all the computer stations and then she motioned for us to go through double doors at the end of the counter labeled "VIP - Invited Guests Only." Our mouths dropped open. We grinning at each other as we realized that our Abba was telling us very plainly, "Yes, you are here with Me, and I am taking care of you. Don't be afraid. Trust Me." It was so powerful that we just sort of walked away on a cloud. We felt surrounded by His favor and love!
Anyway, now I am making my schedule for the day so I don't wonder what to do by myself in a hotel room all day. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm so used to having my schedule dictated by others' needs that I feel a little lost. I thought a schedule might help me feel a bit more grounded (even if I don't follow it strictly, at least it gives me something to come back to when I finish whatever I'm doing). I've got all our stuff unpacked and arranged so it feels a little more homey here. I'm looking forward to reading my Bible, praying, reading a book, resting, and taking a long bath! Then this evening Paul and I will have dinner together. We are thinking about possibly doing a couple of fun things together this week if it's not too expensive. And, of course, it has to be innocent which is hard to find here. I'm going to look into the possibilities today.
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