10 Things I Love about My Husband

I have been thinking about this for a few days. This post reminded me that I've been wanting to share a few things that I love about my husband:

1. He cuddles with me every night when we go to bed even though he has to lay on the side that hurts to do it. (His back and neck need God's healing touch. His body is in constant pain.)

2. He loves our children and shows it by wrestling with them and letting them help him in the garden.

3. He changes diapers (even poopy ones) uncomplainingly even though he knows he doesn't have to. (We have a deal: I don't have to squish bugs and he doesn't have to change poopy diapers. But he does it anyway.)

4. He loves to spend time with me! He looks forward to our date nights as much as I do.

5. He texts me every day when he's on the way home and wants me to reply letting him know what we're doing so he can join in when he comes through the door. I love that he cares about the little things.

6. He tells me I'm his favorite person (and he is mine!).

7. He thinks I'm beautiful even when I have no makeup on, haven't brushed my hair, and am wearing spit-uppy sweats.

8. He makes the bed when he gets up last (even though he hates doing it) because he knows it means a lot to me.

9. He doesn't complain when he has to go to the laundry room to find his shirts.

10. He cries when he reads about orphans or rescued babies.

We have only been married eight years, and I am more and more amazed all the time at what an incredible husband I have.

Do you want to share about how awesome your husband is?

True Beauty

Last spring, while Paul and I were in Las Vegas (he was attending a business conference), I had the wonderful opportunity to spend uninterrupted time alone with the Lord, seeking Him and letting Him speak to my heart. I found, to my dismay, that I was overwhelmed by the false images of beauty that surrounded me there. I couldn't just dismiss them as I'd hoped. Every billboard and sign seemed to mock me with how far short my body fell of the ideal presented. I knew that Paul said he found me beautiful, but I had such a hard time believing him. I knew that God must see things differently than what was presented there, but I couldn't imagine how. So, that first day, I spent the morning asking God to reveal true beauty to me. His answer so far exceeded my expectations that I have not struggled with this issue in a serious way since. (I had been struggling with this for years, ever since our rather disappointing honeymoon experience which I have shared in person before and may blog about sometime.)

Today I read a blog post that made me realize many women struggle with this issue. So I think it's time for me to share what God shared with me. Here is an excerpt from my journal. I hope it helps someone else as it's helped me.

Lord, teach me what is beautiful to You. You call me beautiful and flawless (Song of Songs 4:7). So does my husband. But I have such a hard time believing it. This week in Las Vegas, surrounded by seductive beauty advertised on billboards, signs, and flyers, I am confronted with the kind of beauty I inwardly desire. I compare myself to it. I feel that if I could attain it I could capture my husband's heart more fully. For if I looked more like those women, wouldn't he be so satisfied with me that he'd lose the temptation ever to look at another? Can't I have that kind of beauty?

This is how the Lord answered me in the quiet place of my listening heart:

"No, my beloved. I don't want your heart to lust after that kind of beauty. It is passing at best. I want you to pursue the kind of beauty that captures My heart. You already have this kind of beauty, and you are growing more beautiful daily. Let me remove the false idol from your heart.

"I am altogether lovely (Song of Songs 5:16). Do you think that I look like a fertility goddess? No, I look like My Son. Am I less because I look like a humble servant? A broken, bleeding man on a cross? That is the kind of beauty I want for you.

"Beauty is your face laughing at the day to come as you so fully rely of Me that its challenges don't daunt you (Proverbs 31:25). Beauty is your eyes looking with love on the ones I have given into your care. Beauty is your hair tied back so it isn't in your way while you work. Beauty is your body getting up in the morning to seek me and prepare breakfast for your family. Beauty is your belly stretched and marked by carrying My children. Beauty is your heart that keeps giving, your back that keeps bending, your hands that keep serving even when you are weary.

"Your husband does not desire to embrace another woman. That is why he turns away his eyes when their images are flaunted before him. He knows that they are a deception. I have already removed that false idol from his heart. Let me remove it from yours as well.

"Your husband does desire to embrace you, his wife. You are the one who serves him and his children and then, at the end of the day, turns to him with a heart full of love. Your body is beautiful to him. He does not see scars and callouses. He sees love.

"How could he not love you? He loves Me. He loves what I love. You are my good and perfect gift to him (James 1:17), matched to him in every way. You are the one he needs and wants. He desires no other to share his bed, his heart, and his life.

"Just as My Son did not wear his full glory when He walked the earth, neither do you. Just as He will soon be revealed in His full beauty, so will you. The world does not value His beauty. He was despised and rejected by men (Isaiah 53:3). But those who have eyes to see know that His beauty surpasses all others.

"I have eyes to see your beauty, My beloved. And you have captured your husband's heart with just one glance (Song of Songs 4:9). He is captivated by you. You are a work of art, My masterpiece. I see it, and so does he. Receive his love. Receive My love."

I pray that these words minister to your heart as they minister to mine.

Second Best?

Daughter,

You are precious and beloved. I have longed and prayed for you many years before you were born. In no way could you ever be considered second best in my heart. Beautiful flower transplanted into my garden, if anything, I may tend to spoil you a little because I want to make sure that your roots are firmly established in the soil of love.

One emotion that I was not prepared to feel, though, as your mother, is fear. How you will see me as you grow into a woman? Will you love me? Or will you resent me? I have chosen to be your mother, but you did not choose to be my daughter. I am sure that you will wonder about the one who gave birth to you. It is a normal and healthy thing to do. I hope that you will love her and be blessed with a close relationship with her. I am glad that we have an open relationship with her so that you will always have all your questions answered and, I hope, all your heart's needs fulfilled.

But where does that leave me? Am I the "other" mother? Does that make me less? Am I second best? One night as I prayed to have my heart unlocked toward you more fully, the Holy Spirit revealed this fear lying deeply in my heart. I heard His gentle whisper,

"So what if you are second best? Will you love her any differently?"

There you go. My fear out in front of me, waiting to be dealt with. How would I answer? There was no hesitation.

"No, I will not love her any differently. Whether or not she ever returns my love, I will love her with all my heart."

So, my precious pearl, I am yours forever. No matter what you choose to do with my heart, you have it today and forever. You always have, and you always will. I love you.

With all my heart,
Your mommy

Apart for Now

I miss my husband tonight. He is away on a business trip this week, and while I do much better these days than I used to when he is gone, I still miss him a lot.

So I just want to say that I miss you, Salt Racer. I am glad that we got to talk several times today. You are my best friend. And the best cook! Today we enjoyed eating all the food you had prepared for us yesterday. I don't really want to go to bed because there is no one there waiting for me. But I will, because you just might call me in the morning and I want to be awake for that! I love you.

If You Want to Cry ...

Watch this and be blown away at how much you are loved.

How Does Your Garden Grow!

Happy Anniversary, my beloved Salt Racer!



I am so proud of you. You are an excellent gardener. The work that you do in your vegetable garden reflects the careful and conscientious way that you also care for our family. And both are growing well! Sometimes the fruit is hidden, but when you look it is there, under the leaves. I know that you often think you don't measure up to your own standards, but I want to let you know that you far exceed mine. Your love for us is evident in everything that you do, in the faces of our children, and in my heart.

Thank you for seven incredible years! I look forward to many, many more.

All my respect and love,
Michelle

Thoughts on Adoption, part 1

I have been thinking a lot lately about adoption. Why are we doing this? Is it a good idea? Are we hearing God, or just going off half-cocked with good intentions but little wisdom? What will people think? What does God think?

I know what I think. I think we're more than a little crazy. We have four children already. Our oldest is five, and our youngest is five months. There are many days when I wonder how in the world I will survive the next five years--no, minutes. In nearly seven years of marriage, we have yet to go more than nine months of our marriage without getting pregnant, and in addition to our four living children, we have had two miscarriages. In the natural, it makes sense that this would be a time to step back and regroup, not a time to step it up yet again.

And yet.

There is a burning in my heart that will not be ignored. And when I tap into that place, that God-space inside me, all of my objections are burned away in an instant. Suddenly I don't care how tired I am, how messy my house gets, or how much more I have to slow down my life. Suddenly I realize that my life is not getting more complicated by adding more children. No, with each additional child my life becomes less complicated. My focus turns more and more toward home, toward love, toward being. I have much less time and energy for outside activities and lots of doing. Instead, I find myself stopping, looking into little faces, smiling, laughing. Oh, there are still the moments (and they are many) when I think I am going to collapse under the drain of the continual need of the little people in my life. But then I am constrained once again to look at what I am really trying to do, who I am really called to be. To refocus my gaze. To stop trying so hard. To relax and let this season be what it is.

What is this season?

This is not a season for outward accomplishments. This is not a season for pursuing goals. This is not a season for being SuperMom. This is not a season for doing much at all.

And yet ... it is.

It is a season for digging deep. It is a season for gazing at the face of the One I love most in the countenances of His children. For wiping His tears, bandaging His owies, preparing His food, and, yes, even changing His diapers. It is a season for becoming less, less, and then much, much less, while He becomes more, more and more again within me, to me, through me, around me, above me, beneath me, permeating the very air I breathe.

It is a season for becoming, for discovering who I am in His heart as all my outward identities are stripped away. A season for being hidden in the palm of His hand, being fed from His table, and delighting in the intimacy of His gaze. A season for knowing that, though I am mostly invisible to the outside world, though most of my accomplishments go unnoticed, He sees. A season for learning that that is enough. It is more than enough. It is everything.

It is a season for learning that He is enough.

I meant to focus on adoption in this post, but my heart is so full that I couldn't even get that far. Think of this as the preamble. I have much more to share another time. For now, wherever you may be, whatever the circumstances in which you find yourself, I pray that in that very place you will find God. He is so worth finding that all the struggle becomes nothing compared with the delight of knowing Him.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Co 4:17-18 NKJV)

An Honorable Calling?

Yesterday I was talking with a group of friends about adoption. One lady started asking what kind of adoption each of us desires. I said that my heart is to adopt an African-American baby domestically. She responded, "That is honorable." I kind of did a double take and looked at her, so she repeated herself. "That is really honorable that you would do that." I know that she meant to express approval, but the comment actually bothered me quite a bit. Why should it be honorable to do what seems to me so obvious?

When my husband and I began researching domestic adoption, we heard that it took a long time because domestic babies were in high demand. We had no desire to stand in line to get a baby that will be adopted anyway, so we started asking where the area of need was. Who are the babies that end up being raised in the foster system? We quickly found out that one major group of children who have a hard time finding families are African-American babies. So we immediately decided that we would adopt in that demographic. Why not? Maybe we're naive (certainly some of the reading I have done would try to convince me that we are). Maybe there are issues that I don't understand. But bottom line, these are children who need a family, and we are a family who want more children to love.

Isn't it really that simple? I'm not saying easy; it is never easy to love. Laying down your life day in and day out for another person is always challenging. (I find that true with the four children I already have.) But I don't think Jesus said to love one another when it's easy or when it's convenient. He simply said to love. So why should I place conditions on whom I love? And why should it be more honorable to love one person more than another? Jesus made no such distinctions, and I pray that He will give me the grace to do the same.

So, while I appreciate the intention behind the compliment, I pray that all of our hearts will change until the first thing we see about another person is not the color of their skin, hair, eyes, or any other outward quality, though I find the differences beautiful and fascinating. (And, lest I sound holier-than-thou, let me point out that I still have much growing to do in this area myself.) When we look at one another, may we first see a brother to love.

Lord, please give us the grace to really love one another the way You love us.