Wordless Wednesday

Loved

What is the point of all our doing if we never take time to rest in God's presence? So many things that He created -- trees, grass, birds ... deep ocean creatures ... stars and planets -- they do not strive to be noticed or accomplish. They delight us simply because they are. Watching wind and light playfully interact in treetops, admiring the deep richness of oceans and the vast beauty of skies, these are enough for me. Is it perhaps not enough for God as well? 

After all, we are His children. Do I love my children because of what they do for me? Of course not; I love them simply for who they are, because they are. I am loved, must be loved, must allow myself to receive love, in the same way. 

Father, open our hearts to receive your lavish, limitless love. 

Some Home School Curriculum Reviews

This week, I have been blessed to have LOTS of time to myself while accompanying my husband on a business trip. We try to do this once a year so that I have time to get away from the busy-ness of life as a home schooling mom, to be ALONE, reflect, pray, read, and be REFRESHED. It is a wonderful way to refocus, and I find that I return home refilled and ready to give again! I also find that the things I study, hear from the Lord, and talk about in the evenings with my husband are rich resources to which I return in the weeks and months to follow. (I do also spend time napping, reading a book, or watching a movie for fun, but I really treasure this time away and try my best to use it as productively as possible so that I come home more ready to serve, not more selfish and wanting lots of "time off.") If the Lord opens the opportunity for you to have some time away like this, DO IT! I pray that He will make a way for you!

This week, I spent many hours researching and talking to the Lord about our home school schedule and curriculum. There are some really great curricula that I have been interested in, and since we are coming up to a transition point in our home school, I have been wanting to look into them and see what direction we might want to go next. My older three children are entering grades 3-5, and I am also beginning to lightly include our next three (who will all be 4 and 5 years old this fall). I do not believe that learning needs to be intense at these ages, but they are all very interested and I want to encourage their excitement to be part of our school!

After spending so much time researching these curricula and reading many great reviews, I thought I'd go ahead and post my findings so that perhaps they may help another home school parent who wants to find out more about them. Just be aware that I have not actually used the first two (Trail Guide to Learning and My Father's World), so this review is simply based on my research. We did use Five in a Row a few years ago, so that review is more based on experiential knowledge. I hope it helps!

Trail Guide to Learning

www.home-school-curriculum.com

Cost: $160 for Basic (teacher & student books);

$400 for Complete (includes all required books)

Pros:

• complete curriculum (just add math)
• lesson plans & student checklists already made - minimal/moderate prep time
• printable student notebooks pages(or buy pre-printed)
• multiple grade levels (starts at 3-5)
• customized activities for each level
• focuses on developing thinking skills
• real “living” books
• taught from biographical perspective
• teaches from unit study/Beechick/Mason perspective - unified themes, copywork, dictation, geography, history as stories, nature studies (science), literature, art & music
• supplemental Bible lessons coordinate with lessons - these focus on a character quality that ties in with the unit’s biography, including worship time, discussion, and weekly memory verses & longer memory focus for the entire unit (about 6 weeks)
• “develops thinking skills that lead to comprehension and writing ability”
• “uses copying and dictation process to acquire language and writing mechanics”
• “gradually connects grammar to reading and writing naturally”
• “builds skills naturally through reflective thinking and discussion”
• also has optional assessment CD-ROM to evaluate student progress
• optional lapbooks add a presentation to review/show what has been learned

Cons (for us):

• The first three years are all centered around American History, which we have been doing already for the past 2 years through Across America. This would enable us to go deeper, but I was anticipating starting a more comprehensive world history curriculum next.
• The following three years, which will cover World History (starting with 6th grade), have not yet been developed.
• Will this teach from a Bible-first perspective, or merely add-on Bible themes to secular history? Here is a quote of their philosophy: “Following the example of our key historical figures, biblical principles are foundational to the comprehensive nature of this curriculum. Ideas based on pagan and secular thought systems, such as the classical approach, are not included. Instead it works with the developmental levels of children and honors their God-given time table. Following this pace in presenting new skills and content is highly motivating and helps children achieve success and understanding.”
• The 2nd edition of the first year’s curriculum is in printing stage, so the books are only available in digital format at this time, with hard copies to be sent in late spring or summer.
• The books used for science/nature are from an evolutionary perspective. In one review, the reviewer said that the author of Geography Matters is working on creating replacements for these books. This may be a problem with other curricula as well, not just this one.

Helpful Reviews:

http://cathyduffyreviews.com/history-geography/trail-guide-to-learning.htm

“The Trail Guide looks like a promising solution for families looking for book-based unit study that takes the guess work out of the process and is easy for parents to use.”

http://thehomeschoolmagazine.com/Homeschool_Reviews/3629.php

“The curriculum is designed to teach students “How” to think rather than just “What” to think, using real books and activities with a purpose. . . . Although the curriculum seems to be biblically sound, it does not include an actual Bible curriculum. For an additional fee, users can purchase the coordinating Bible curriculum. . . . Since the authors claim the most important connection for students to make is the one between their faith and the view of the world around them, I believe this Bible curriculum should have been an included portion of this course. . . . For me, the biggest disappointment was that the checklist pages in the back of each book were not included on the CD-rom for easier printing. . . . Trail Guide to Learning: Paths of Exploration offers guidance as well as flexibility for different ages, developmental levels, and learning styles. It is true that the necessary resource materials are somewhat costly, but considering the broad use of the items over many years of schooling and the ability to use the same course with several students of different ages, we found the cost justifiable.”

www.momsmustardseeds.com/2012/09/geomatters-trail-guide-to-learning-paths-of-settlement/

Includes her own pros/cons list.

www.weirdunsocializedhomeschoolers.com/review-and-giveaway-trail-guide-to/

Very positive review.

http://nextgenhomeschool.com/2012/11/01/oops-i-did-it-again-changing-curriculum-again-and-again/

This reviewer started with My Father’s World (includes a link to why it didn’t work for their family), then changed to Heart of Wisdom & Charlotte Mason (another link), and then in article why they changed to Heart of Dakota, and finally ended up with Trail Guide to Learning.

My Father’s World

www.mfwbooks.com

Cost: $352 for Deluxe package (Bible, Social Studies, Science, Music, Art, & Read-Alouds);

$279 for Basic Package (all of the above except Read-Alouds)

Pros:

• Nearly complete curriculum. Need to add language arts (Emma Serle’s Language Lessons is recommended), math (Singapore Math is recommended), and possibly a foreign language (Rosetta Stone is recommended).
• Begins with Exploring Countries and Cultures, an overview of world cultures based on true stories of missionaries to teach Bible, geography, science, art, and music.
• Continues with four-year chronological study of world history, integrating Biblical and ancient civilizations’ histories, including hands-on projects, timeline, and history notebook. Titles are: Creation to the Greeks, Rome to the Reformation, Exploration to 1850, and 1850 to Modern Times
• Targeted for grades 3-8, with high school curriculum also available.
• All levels are completed & published.
• Teacher’s Manual includes daily lesson plans in a weekly chart format. Lesson planning should be minimal/moderate. Planning sheet includes blank boxes for adding language, math, reading, and foreign language assignments.
• Integrates Jewish feasts & how they point to Jesus.
• All history is viewed from a Christian perspective.
• Supplemental recommended reading lists for library borrowing add read-aloud and independent reading options.
• Science is from Creationist perspective.
• Uses Window on the World, which we have used and very much enjoyed in the past.
• Weekly memory verses and daily readings from Matthew.
• Hands-on activities related to 15 countries.
• Science focuses on different habitats coordinating with the country being studied (i.e., desert, rainforest, etc.) Also includes weekly nature walk and nature journal (ala Charlotte Mason).
• Art projects and music from countries being studied.
• I like the idea of exposing the children a foreign language course. At this stage, I believe Rosetta Stone includes a level that is primarily listening and speaking, not studying the grammar and writing, though those can be added as the children are ready to do so.
• Fun activity: as you “travel” to each country in the first year, each child adds a flag sticker for that country into their own “passport.”

Cons:

• There are separate curricula for each of the grades K-2, but these I do not feel are necessary. Grades 2-3 can begin to join in with older children in the rotation through the 5 years.
• Language, spelling, and handwriting are not integrated. But I do enjoy using the recommended language curriculum, so that may not be a big issue.
• Student checklists are not already prepared, though possibly I could simply copy the teacher’s planning sheet for the week and give to each child.
• Geography information to be added to maps has to be looked up by each child in several reference books (included in curriculum). This could be quite time-consuming. I could possibly reduce the number of features to be labeled, to help reduce time spent on this.

Reviews:

www.homeschoolreviews.com/reviews/curriculum/reviews.aspx?id=161

2nd (albanyaloe) and 3rd (marbeewe) reviews are most helpful.

http://cathyduffyreviews.com/unit-studies/my-fathers-world.htm

“MFW courses are clearly structured with easy-to-understand instructions. Lesson preparation time will be required primarily for gathering necessary materials, so planning ahead is essential.”

(Skip down to the 2nd-8th Grade Multi-Age Curriculum” part of the review.)

http://onelittlewordsheknew.blogspot.com/2011/02/switching.html

This is a mom explaining why she decided to switch AWAY from MFW mid-year to Heart of Dakota.

http://matthewsnews.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-fathers-world-curriculum-review.html

This is a mom explaining why she decided to switch TO MFW from another curriculum.

www.myblessedhome.net/2011/03/review-my-fathers-world-curriculum/

This is a very positive review with details why she likes it so much.

Five in a Row/Beyond Five in a Row

http://fiveinarow.com/

Cost: $35 for teacher handbook, plus any books that you decide to purchase. Books can also be checked out from library, though some may be hard to find.

Pros:

• We enjoyed doing this before.
• It is fun and easy.
• There are handbooks from preschool through high school
• We already have several of the books for Five in a Row.
• Beyond Five in a Row uses chapter books (fewer books, so we’d want to purchase them), and I believe it’s more independent work than the first set.
• It’s focused on keeping the family together. Olders can enjoy listening to youngers’ read-alouds, and vice versa, and then work on separate projects based on their own reading.
• Might possibly allow for more free play time in our day. More afternoons for playing outside & pursuing interests like baking and horses & fort-building and knitting. And mommy’s naps. :)

Cons:

• This is a very “light” curriculum, and not at all thorough or systematic.
• In the past, I have found that some of the books are harder to get.
• Need to add systematic language and math. May also need to add a lot of other content if we want to study broad history/science subjects. The focus of this study is to allow students time to go deep in areas of interest on their own, but I’m not sure how well undirected/mom-dependent study would work for our family. In this season, I need to minimize my planning time to maximize my time with the children.
• It is biblically oriented, but not biblically based. Does not include Bible studies organically, so Bible study would need to be added.
• The lessons do not build upon each other. It’s more an eclectic approach designed to simply enjoy learning than a systematic study of any particular subject. (This could be a “pro” or a “con.”) :) Their statement: “Five in a Row Publishing has no intention of modifying our curriculum either now or in the future to accomodate [governmental core standards]. We remain committed to our long-term goal of helping children fall in love with both reading and learning as they discover the wonderful world of education on their own terms. . . . Now more than ever, FIAR offers parents a clear choice between trying to fill pails or light fires. Our students have consistently tested well above grade level in standardized testing for two decades and we believe students who are taught using the thoroughly proven Five in a Row philosophy will continue to be both academic and social leaders among their peers.”

Helpful Reviews:

http://www.homeschoolreviews.com/reviews/curriculum/reviews.aspx?id=81

The first two reviews basically confirm my concerns about the time required to make this a full-featured curriculum.

http://www.thecurriculumchoice.com/2009/05/five-in-a-row-review/

This review brings out the positives and why I have GREAT memories of our time using Five in a Row when our older children were in the early grades.

http://thehomeschoolmagazine.com/Homeschool_Reviews/reviews.php?rid=1025

More very positive reviews.

Other curricula that have similarities, but about which I have not done as much research: Hearts of Dakota, Tapestry of Grace, Heart of Wisdom, Story of the World.

I think all of the above are great options. While doing all this research, I prayed that the Lord would direct my thoughts and help me to see what will be best for our particular family in this particular season. Unexpectedly, I feel that for now it is none of the above. After we finish up the study we are currently working on (Across America by Hewitt Homeschooling - which we are greatly enjoying, by the way), we will take some time to go deeper in a few areas of interest (like helping the neighbor with her horses, baking, sewing, and gardening), while reading more books and watching great documentaries about some of the people and places we have studied (like Lewis and Clark, Thomas Jefferson, etc.). And, of course, continuing our math and language studies. Not to mention enjoying our new baby who is due in July! I look forward to revisiting these curricula again in the future, seeing new develpments, and starting something new!

The Glorious Mess

Discontentment creeps in so easily.

"Sky, land, and sea, heavy and saturated with God--why do I always forget?" (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts).

I know why I forget. It's because I look around me and see the mess. After a long day, working hard, teaching, training, serving, loving, encouraging, cleaning, organizing, bathing . . . . After all that, I look around and all I see is what is still undone. The piles of laundry waiting to be washed, more piles waiting to be put away, the sink of dishes, the unswept stairs, the bathrooms grimy and cluttered. It's hard to feel I've accomplished anything when so much remains to be done.

In all this, where is Your glory, Lord?

I remember first longing to see Your glory when I read this is a young girl, captivated by the imagery:

"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea" (Habakkuk 2:14).

Every crack and cranny, valley and mountain filled . . . covered, overflowing, heavy . . . with the glory . . . the radiant, weighty, precious glory of the Lord.

It should be beautiful, shouldn't it? Not messy and half finished, never fully done?

Why am I so content when completed tasks surround me and so quickly discontented when reminded of all that remains to be done? This cannot be like You, for You are patient in the process, every messy, incomplete step of the way, as you gradually transform us into Your image . . . from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).

What do You see, Lord? Let me see through Your eyes.

"I see a messy, bloody Man on a cross, heart hanging out in anguish of love rejected. I do not see beauty as You see it. You want it neat and tidy, wrapped in shiny paper and tied with a bow. My glory does look like that sometimes, but often it looks broken and bleeding and raw. Sometimes it's dirty floors and smelly trash cans, sinks of dishes and piles of laundry.

"Whitewashed tombs can look beautiful on the outside, but they have no life in them. I love life, teeming, swarming, embracing, sloppy, smiling, laughing, crying, screaming, sweating, crayons-on-the-walls life, in all its beautiful, glorious mess. Don't allow yourself to be discouraged by the wake that is left behind after all the running, jumping, tickling, playing--I am in it all. And I am here to help you clean it up! Not so that it can stay that way, but so we can start again tomorrow with a fresh canvas ready to receive all the color and streaks and splashes and splatters, the handprints and tears and joy of another masterpiece being created for My enjoyment.

"You want to create a snapshot of perfection, and your energy is drained when you don't accomplish it by the end of each day. But that is not what I am looking for. If you aren't careful, your desire for completion can become an idol, because it can keep you from wanting what I want. It can blind you, preventing you from seeing what I see, hindering you from running freely, taking risks, and trusting me on this steep, rocky, glorious, hard, exhilarating journey I have set before you. It can dominate your mind, harden your heart, and cause you to forget . . . to become discontent.

"Cast off this idol! Allow Me to fill you with joy and peace . . . with contentment . . . as you behold My glory here and now . . . right in the middle of the glorious mess. Come, make some more messes with Me! We will have so much fun together, and then we'll clean it up so we can do it all over again! Come! Experience life with Me!"

"Listen! My beloved! Look! Here he comes,

leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. . . .

My beloved spoke and said to me, 

"Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. . . . 

Arise, come, my darling; 

my beautiful one, come with me" 

(Song of Solomon 2:8, 10, 13).

Living Our Story

I sometimes feel like I'm living in a fairy tale. Every morning I wake to beauty surrounding me. The view from each window of Pleasant Home is breathtaking. Who am I, who are we, that God should bless us this way? I have seven children on earth thriving in this place where we have been planted, running around with the chickens, riding bikes in the dirt, exploring to heart's content. While there is plenty of work to do each day, I feel as if we've been given a little piece of Eden to enjoy and steward for His glory. The only reason I can think of for it all is that He is good, and He loves to give good gifts to His children. And so, with all my heart, I thank Him.

He whispers in my heart, "You are my child, and I am showing my goodness to you ... and through you.This is not just for you, but also to encourage others as they see my goodness in your life--to encourage them to trust Me, to dream with Me, to pursue the dreams that I've placed in their hearts. Others' stories will not look exactly like yours, for I have a unique story to tell through each life. But your story can encourage them to live out the story I have written for them to the fullest. I am not a bland and boring God, satisfied with lives of ritual and rote obedience. I am a Lover, desiring to live out a story of romance and adventure with my beloved."

The voice of the Man I love!

Here he comes, bounding over the mountains,

skipping over the hills!

My darling speaks; He is saying to me,

"Get up, My love! My beauty!

Come away!"

Song of Songs 2:8, 10

What adventure does He have for you today?

A Time for Everything

My favorite devotional book for the past year has been Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I first ran across it a few years ago in a coffee shop owned by a friend of ours (which is, sadly, now closed), and it intrigued me immediately. It is written from the perspective of Jesus talking directly to us. What really surprised me is how similar it sounded to the way I hear Jesus talking to me during my quiet times. It seems that Sarah Young and I talk to the same person! (Imagine that!) After waiting a long time (and giving copies to others), I finally obtained a copy that I kept and began to enjoy for myself.

Here is one of my favorite themes from the book:

"Stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything and everything in its time" (Jesus Calling, entry for March 29).

"For everything there is a season,

a right time for every intention under heaven" 

(Ecclesiastes 3:1).

As a new year begins, it is good to revisit this truth. It is the only way I know of to keep from going crazy when the demands and pressures of life press down. There is always far more to do than I have time to do. But God "has given us everything we need for life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). Therefore, if I have more on my agenda than I can accomplish today in God's strength and peace, then I am trying to do more than He has asked of me. I will put it in His hands and trust that He will provide another time for it -- or else it isn't really necessary anyway. It helps me to list out the specific tasks and projects on my mind, ask Him about each one, and release them into His hands. Then I choose to trust Him to give me the ability to accomplish what He has for me that day and to let go of what needs to wait.

I thank You, Father, for the things you will enable me to accomplish today. I thank you also for those that will not get done, for You hold them securely in Your hands. I trust You to make them possible at the right time.

My Blessings

I have been soul-searching about this blog. Obviously I haven't posted on here consistently in a long time. I haven't known quite what the purpose of it is now. At first it was just to post my thoughts about whatever. Then it was to share about my family. Then about adoption. Then came Facebook, and sharing about my family became much easier. Anyway, you know the story. I'm sure many others have had a similar journey.

But I still want to share on this forum. I love to post things that might encourage others. But sometimes doing so can make me self-conscious and overly interested in what others think about what I post. So I have decided to try again. Only this time I have removed comments so that this can just be me sharing. I hope that it is encouraging.

In the meantime, above is an updated picture of my seven blessings. And we have another on the way ... due July 2!

God bless.

Random Thoughts

I just remembered that I haven't posted for a long time. It's not because I have little to say ... there is much I'd love to share. It's just that life is all-consuming right now with seven little ones, our little farm, and summer home school. There is something I've been wanting to share for a while about Legend's birth ... not to mention pictures that I haven't posted! But all that will come in time. God provides the time to do what He wants us to do. The fact that I just remembered this blog might mean that post is coming soon! Here's hoping ...

In the meantime, I find adoption on my heart a lot these days. We are praying and hoping to add another child to our family through adoption ... soon? Only God knows. But I wanted to share it in case anyone might want to join us in praying for the child(ren) that are in our hearts. We don't know where they are or how they will come into our family, but He has it all in His very capable hands.

By the way, I have been very blessed these past few months by reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. You'll be glad you did. :)

Waiting on Him

Today is my estimated due date to have our seventh child, our fourth boy. It is also Easter Sunday, and it has been the cherished desire of my heart to have him today, or at least this weekend. Good Friday, Easter, Passover ... these are days of such significance. And this baby has such significance to us as well. Though it may sound funny since we have so many children, in many ways he is our first "love baby." Let me explain. We have deeply wanted, desired, and loved every one of our children, but this baby holds a unique place as one who was conceived in our hearts even before his physical conception, during a season of transformation in our understanding of God's love for us and the depth of passion that He desires us to experience for each other. Along with that is a growing understanding of how His love for us and our love for each other is life-affirming, life-creating, joyful and fruitful.

The journey of this pregnancy has also taught us God's goodness to us, not because we deserve it, but simply because He is good. All of my pregnancies have had their challenges, some more than others, and we have learned different things along the way. This time, as a surprise in the middle of the pregnancy, God blessed us with our dream home, a farm house in the middle of a beautiful countryside. He also gave me strength and endurance beyond anything I've experienced before to handle the packing and moving even while pregnant.

Now, at the end of the pregnancy, I am finding that I still rely a lot on my own strength, while my loving heavenly Father wants to teach me to trust and rely completely on Him. I've grown more and more anxious to know when this child will be born so that I can plan and prepare myself. As each day has begun, I've stood breathlessly at the edge of a great adventure (birth), ready to dive in. By the end of the day, I'm emotionally exhausted from holding my breath, so to speak, all day, wondering if the time to jump has come now? ... no, not now ... now? ... no, not now, ... NOW??? God, couldn't we do a countdown here or something? I need to know how to pace myself for the end of this nine-month journey!

This morning, He reminded me that I don't need to know exactly when and how it's all going to happen, because He does. I can trust Him to make me ready at the right time. So now I can relax and enjoy the rest of this Easter Sunday, knowing that my Abba has everything under control, so I don't have to. I can simply wait on Him.

[H]ope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for [it] with perseverance. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. . . . And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose (Romans 8:24-28, excerpts).

Like a Child

He sat down, summoned the Twelve and said to them, “If anyone wants to be first, he must make himself last of all and servant of all.” He took a child and stood him among them. Then he put his arms around him and said to them, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me” (Mk 9:35-37, CJB).

People were bringing children to him so that he might touch them, but the talmidim rebuked those people. However, when Yeshua saw it, he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me, don’t stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Yes! I tell you, whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it!” And he took them in his arms, laid his hands on them, and make a b’rakhah over them (Mk 10:13-16, CJB).

What are You talking about here, Jesus? Children are many things. What qualities of children make us fit for the Kingdom of God? They are selfish, demanding, foolish, lacking self-control, disobedient, self-willed, etc.Wow, as an adult, I can be all these things without trying. These qualities don’t seem to be unique to children. They are things I still fight to overcome. Obviously they are not the qualities you desire. So what is it about being a child that I have lost or am in danger of losing?

Children love unconditionally (they can’t help it, even when their parents/caregivers hurt them). They are open to receive, defenseless, small, full of wonder and excitement, curious, teachable, and ready for fun. Yes, I can see that these qualities are in danger of being lost in me. I have to fight to keep them. Without Your help, my heart closes, I put up defenses, and my love becomes very conditional. I feel like I should be “big” enough to handle life on my own. I lose the wonder and excitement of each day. I become focused on what I already know - and bored with life - instead of wondering what adventure is around the next corner.

Rescue me, Lord! Though there is a beauty in “growing up,” there is danger as well. Break through my grown-up shell and reach my heart again. Help me to approach life, parenting, marriage, and every aspect of my life with the humility, curiosity, and wonder of a child. Open my heart to receive Your love. Teach me to enter Your kingdom like a child.

Historic Moment

I'm having my first morning devotions in our new home! The tea is steaming, the sun is rising out the front windows, birds are beginning to wake, my family is still asleep, and the shadows on the walls and furniture are changing as the light outside grows gradually brighter. The first person I want to greet is my Beloved, the one who created my being and knows my thoughts.

Ha! The children are apparently caught up in the delight of the morning as well, for they just appeared with big smiles on their faces, ready to begin a new day. I sent them back to bed for a few more minutes, reminding them that they wanted me to wake them by playing piano for them, so now they are waiting for the first tinkling notes to summon their reappearance.

I had better finish my Bible and prayer time, or they will descend again and this time will be over almost before it's begun!

O Lord, You have examined my heart

and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place Your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too great for me to understand!

Psalm 139:1-6, NLT

It's Simple, Really

Most mornings, when I get up to spend quiet time with the Lord, I have no great, inspiring thoughts to share. I have been pondering this for a few months. It seems like the flow of "things I just have to say" has become a trickle. My journal has seldom been written in for the past couple of years, and this blog has been posted in only occasionally. At first I thought it was having two babies in one year, but now, almost three years later, things haven't changed much. Maybe it's being a mom to six little ones. Perhaps it's just a season. Whatever it is, I don't think there's anything wrong ... in fact, I feel that the Lord is teaching me to be more present in the everyday with my husband and children. And that, as my mother could tell you, is a good thing. Even as a child I was more in tune with my inner life than with things going on around me.

But I am not discouraged from my commitment to quiet time. I can still tell the difference between when I "do it" and when I don't. Even when all I do is get out of bed, plug in headphones to the computer, wrap up in a blanket on the couch, and let the Word of God wash over me from Daily Audio Bible and The Prayer Room webstreams, I can tell the difference. I can feel that I'm more ready for the day, more at peace, more focused, and much less stressed. I'm like a nursing babe, receiving nourishment from my Heavenly Father who loves me, holds me, and fills me. I don't need to be aware of what He's doing in me. I just need to come and eat.

Jesus said unto them, "Come and dine" (John 21:12). 

Things I Could be Doing at 5am

1. Sleeping (this is what I was hoping to be doing ... at least until 6am ... but instead I've been awake since about 4am).
2. Taking care of sick children (thankfully no one has thrown up since midnight).
3. Blogging (guess that's what I'm doing right now).
4. Facebook (did that briefly).
5. Working on the family finances (haven't been able to get to it yet this week).
6. Making dinner for this evening (but I'm afraid it's a bit too early and I'd wake the family up).
7. Taking a walk (yes, that is a serious consideration ... but maybe I'll wait for sunrise).
8. Taking a shower (see #6).
9. Nursing a baby (that's what I anticipate doing in about 13 weeks!)
10. Listening to Daily Audio Bible and praying.

I think I'll opt for #10. We'll see how the Lord leads from there.

You know, Lord, that we have been sick this week. You know how much sleep You made me to need. You know that I went to bed at midnight last night, turning off my alarm and trusting You to wake me at the right time. You woke me before 4am. I don't know what You have in mind for today, but please fill me with Your love and strengthen me by Your grace. I love You and trust You.

Reconnecting

Satisfy us in each morning with Your unfailing love,

so we may sing with joy to the end of our lives.

Psalm 90:14, NLT

Early mornings are when I am most myself. All is quiet, the sun is rising, my heart is open, and the cares of the day are still an hour or two away. It is an opportunity to just be me before my Father, resting in Him and opening my heart to receive. Spirit, soul, and body fed by His love.

I can ruin it of course, by waking with a bunch of goals and a load of expectations. But the best times are when I leave all that behind and let Him lead me, setting my heart on just one thing: to seek His face and listen to His voice. That's all I really need.

There are many mornings when I do not get up early. Many, many. Late nights, sickness, forgetting ... these and many other reasons keep me in bed late. But after a while I remember ... He reminds me ... and I begin again to respond to His invitation to come, taste, see what He has in store for me. I come. I am always glad that I did.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him!

Psalm 34:8, NLT

Lord, help me to respond daily to your call to wake early, letting You renew my heart and mind with Your love.

Some favorite early morning companions which point me to God:

Daily Audio Bible

The Prayer Room

Changes

First of all, I can hardly believe it's been so long since I've posted. I know I've always been a bit sporadic, but five months is a long time to be quiet. That's not very like me. I think the reason is that there has been so much going on inside that I've been processing, I haven't known what to say. So I've been just living life (which has been good, by the way) and waiting on the Lord for further direction.

In the meantime, there have been a few changes. First of all, we are pregnant! Our sweet baby #7 is due to come on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012. I really hope that he/she is born on that day. It just means so much to me. This baby is such a gift from God. I have had such a hard time with my attitude about being pregnant in the past, but since adding Crown and Lion to our family in 2009, my heart has changed so much. I want to welcome every little one with whom God blesses us with open arms and an open heart. Including the process of their arrival, whether through my womb or that of another loving birth mother. So there has been a dual desire in my heart. I want ... oh, so badly ... to adopt again soon. And I also want to have the incredible opportunity to carry another little life inside, and this time with a good attitude!

Regarding adoption, we are still waiting on the Lord. Despite our completed home study, there have not yet been any open doors for us in this area. We are praying and hoping that it will not be too much longer!

And finally, we are moving! While doors have not yet opened for us to adopt again, doors have opened (for the first time since we sold our last home in 2006) for us to buy a house! It's a pretty farm house out in the country, and we are SO excited to move our family there. The property is an acre, which we plan to "homestead" farm with gardens, goats, chickens, and whatever else we can dream of. We will be surrounded by beautiful 20+ acre horse ranches, trees, and fields. This is a dream come true for Saltracer and me, as we have longed to raise our children in a more rural environment. The house itself is in some need of repair (hence our ability to purchase it for a low price), so we will be spending the first few months/year or more remodeling and renovating to make it just right. I'm actually looking forward to it, as I feel that this is my opportunity to really design my home just the way I want it. I haven't been so excited about creating a home since moving into our first home, a small townhouse, and setting it up when we were newlyweds.

Speaking of which, we celebrated our 10th anniversary during my "quiet period." We enjoyed a beautiful, romantic weekend in Sutter Creek at The Grey Gables bed and breakfast. It was so fun to relax, talk, walk, and dream together. That weekend was actually the seed for us coming home and seriously looking into purchasing a farm house. Now look what God has done! I am in awe.

I hope soon to post pictures of our new home. We'll have to post "before" and "after" pictures during the renovation. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this update and that God is blessing you abundantly, above all that you could ask or think.

God is our good shepherd

Here is the news you've been waiting for! This may not be what we were hoping to hear, but God's will is perfect and we are resting in Him.

We heard back from the boys' social worker, and the result, in short, is that we have been un-chosen as these kids' match. We were not able to meet the requirements of the agency in their time frame, so at this point they need to move on to consider other families.

Our reaction is perfect peace. A few years ago, we heard Derek Loux say that God is our good shepherd. We say yes to Him, and He opens and closes the doors to let us know if this is the direction He wants us to go. If we are not the family for these boys, then we trust that God has another family who will be a safe place for them to grow and learn about Him.

We are still excited about our adoption, for which we have been preparing the past few months. The good news is that our home study is now complete, and we are ready to adopt! We will take a few days to process and wrap up this situation, and then we will begin applying for other situations. We will also begin the process of applying for grants available through ABBA Fund, Show Hope, etc.

For those who have donated, we will be contacting you by email in the next day or two. We will be offering three options: 1) We will gladly return your money to you should you so desire; 2) We will make sure that your donation is sent along to help the family chosen for the three boys to adopt them; or 3) You may choose to apply the funds to our next adoption, which we are hoping will happen in the next few months. Whatever you choose, we bless and honor you for your loving sacrifice over the past two days.

Thank you for joining us on this exciting and unpredictable journey of adoption! We will be posting again soon about our new direction.

Where we are at ...

First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the donations so far. They are greatly appreciated.

Some people may be a little confused about where we are at and what is going on.

We are moving ahead to try and get these boys. Just not as quickly as some would like us to. With adoption there are many questions, and not a lot of answers. We are waiting to hear back from the placement agency on these questions.

If the fact that this placement isn't a done deal makes people uncomfortable giving we TOTALLY and COMPLETELY understand. As Paul mentioned last night, there are two tracks that are needing to happen simultaneously: information and fundraising. The fundraising is like Gideon's Fleece for us. And it's coming in, just not as quickly as we had hoped. We see this as God's confirmation to proceed a bit more slowly.

All that said: We are NOT giving up. We aren't backing down. We are doing this for HIS sake. These boys are HIS children. We want them to be our children too. The question is: Will He let us? We only want to do His will. No more. No less.

We will let you know further as soon as possible. Thank you again for your generosity!

(Note: If the placement with us falls through, then we will be contacting each donor individually and privately to determine what you would like us to do with your donation.)

Generosity

So the total money we now have toward our adoption is $6670. We started out by putting in $5000 ourselves, money that we had set aside for adoption, savings, and other projects. Our seed offering. The rest has been given to us by 64 people - sixty-four very generous family and friends who either love us, love children, or both. I cannot thank you enough. (And I look forward to an upcoming home school project with my children of writing lots and lots of thank-you notes!)

One of the biggest things I am realizing is how many people love adoption. How many people's hearts are stirred to care for three little boys they have never met. Three little boys who some may soon welcome into their family and friend community. Three little boys who others may never meet in this world. But it makes no difference. Because we are all brothers and sisters. We are all the body of Christ, and we care for one another. That's the way it should be. And I am honored to be a part of it. You have blessed and encouraged me beyond words. Not only that you would give so generously, but that we really are not alone in our heart to care for orphans. Isn't that so prideful? But it can start to feel that way sometimes. And then something like this happens and you realize how mistaken you were. Many, many, many people love the Lord and love His children. Thank you for showing that to me today.

We are wanting to make sure that we follow the Lord very carefully in this. We will be talking with the social workers more tomorrow to get more information. We want to be sure that we really are the best family for these boys and they for us. This is not a commitment that we take lightly, so we are diligently seeking out godly counsel and wisdom. We hope to make a trip soon to meet them (hopefully with all our children!). We will definitely keep you updated.

Please keep praying!!!!! We are seeking God's face with all our hearts.

For a more in-depth analysis of our status in this situation, please read my husband's blog post.

Update on 3 Little Boys

My mind is reeling with all that's happened today. We talked with the boys' social worker and our own social worker. We are the first choice for these boys! We are thrilled and excited and nervous all at once. But beneath it all we know that we want God's will more than anything. We will be working on every front to make sure that we can bring them into our home (if it is God's will). We are contacting everyone we know to get the information and resources we need.

Here's a picture of my kids yesterday, fascinated by a lizard found on our back porch. Just to keep it real. :)

Thank you so much for the many donations we have received already! We are already up to $5710, and more donations keep coming in. I am in awe of how quickly God can move things when it's His time. Thank you, and please keep praying for us.

Here We Go!

So ... where do I begin? ... Yesterday we heard through Christian Adoption Consultants about three little boys, ages 5, 4, and 3, who need a home immediately. They were looking for families in Arizona or Virginia, but were open to considering families from others states. We looked at each other, each thinking, should we be open to this situation? It's not exactly (or even remotely) what we've been preparing for.

Background: We've been praying and preparing to welcome a baby boy or girl into our family this year. Before we started our home study, we prayed about what direction God would have us to go this time in our adoption. We felt led to domestic adoption again, so that's what we've been anticipating. We've even had a due date time frame in mind, based on a feeling I had last fall that our baby was being conceived around then. We went through CAC last time and felt peace about going that route again. We knew that they occasionally find placements for older children and sibling sets, but that is rare, so we naturally assumed that our next child would be a baby.

So when we heard about these boys, my first reaction was that they aren't for us. We are in California, and we are expecting to adopt a baby. However, I have also committed in my heart never to say no to anything God might call me to. I also know that my impressions are not always correct, so while I pay attention to them, I hold them lightly. They take on a lot more credibility when that chapter in the story is done and I can see more clearly how God has led us.

Since our home study is all but complete, since this is an urgent situation, and since we had peace about it, after praying we agreed to let the social worker know that we are open to the situation. After all, there are some hurdles to cross before this can become reality. First of all, we have to be picked. Second, there is the small matter of $30,000 needed. We don't have nearly that much money. (Yet.) But we know that if this is God's will for us and for the boys, the money is no problem for Him.

The boys are adorable. I don't know much at this point, but I do know that their birth father, who has been raising them, appears to love them very much and is unable to care for them. I believe he is trying desperately to do what is best for them. And I don't want to be responsible for allowing them to fall through the cracks because I didn't speak up.

In fact, this verse was on my heart yesterday:

"Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!" (Proverbs 31:8-9, MSG).

I don't think I have many illusions about this. I've hear and read about attachment and children from hard places. I know that this could be a very rough road. But I also know that I serve a God who cares about orphans much more than I do. And I am confident that where He calls, He equips. There could be some very hard days ahead, but He will be faithful.

This morning we emailed the boys' social worker to let her know that we are open to this situation. This afternoon she asked us if we would be available to travel THIS WEEK. We can and will, if that is what God wants. We simply want to have wisdom and discernment to know what His will is.

We had a family conference with our kids, emphasizing that if we do adopt these boys, things will not be the same around here. There will be even more sharing, serving, being patient, loving, forgiving, etc. They voted unanimously that we go ahead and see if God wants them to be in our family.

So I am asking you two things. First and most importantly, PLEASE PRAY. Pray that God's will be done on behalf of these boys and for our family. Pray that we will have discernment. Pray that God will make it very clear what our role is to be in these three boys' lives.

Second, if you feel led to donate toward our adoption, you may do so through the button at the right. If you would prefer to mail a check, please email me directly at mswagerty [at] gmail [dot] com. Due to the urgent nature of this situation, we will need the $30K in just a few days in order to rescue these children. If you desire to partner with us, we will be very grateful. One of the ways we will know whether this is God's will is if He provides the finances to do it in the necessary time frame.

Thank you for reading this and for praying for us. We look forward to posting further updates as we know more!

If you would like to read my husband's post about this adoption, please click here: http://saltracer.blogspot.com/2011/06/three-little-boys.html.