A New Name

Here is an excerpt from a letter that I sent to our baby's birth mother recently that I would like to share with you as well:

Over the past few months as Paul and I have gotten to know Alana, prayed for her, and asked God what He says about her (as we do for all our children), we have constantly gotten the impression that she is His treasure, His crown, his precious pearl. We speak and sing this identity over her every day. We are so honored to be entrusted with someone that He prizes so highly.

One thing that we have realized during this time is that we feel the need to give her a name in addition to the beautiful name that you gave her. As her parents, we want to impart to her an identity as part of our family. We feel that if we do not name her ourselves, we will not be giving her what is her right as our child: a name from her parents' hearts and from God's heart to her through us. We have been praying about this and felt led to these verses in Isaiah 62, "... You'll get a brand-new name straight from the mouth of GOD. You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand, a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God" (verses 2-3). We were amazed that so much of what the Lord has spoken to us about her was right there in these verses! We looked up the Hebrew word for crown and found the name we were looking for: Atarah, which means "crown."

I hope that you understand our hearts in this. We still love Alana Michelle and will keep those as her middle names. We believe that God spoke those names to you as an important part of her identity. And He used them to help us know that she was meant to be our daughter! We will simply add another name and she will be Atarah Alana Michelle. (Plenty long name for a little girl whose life is already making a big impact!)

We heard back from Jennifer soon after sending the letter, and she told us that she loves the new name! Atarah likes it too. We call her Atarah, Alana, Tah-Tah, Precious Pearl, Princess, etc. God is good!

Christmas 2009

We had a fun Christmas celebration at the Stroups' house. It's always fun to see all the cousins together.

Day in Tahoe

Laura gave me the BEST birthday present ever! A whole day alone with my best friend!! She (with Grammie and Grampie, who came to help) was quite on top of things at home with the kids while we escaped to Tahoe for the day.

The sun was too bright so Paul was hiding behind me.

He tried valiantly to open them ...

... to no avail. I gave up. We had a good laugh though.

I Will Trust You

How to even express what I am thinking? I am grieving for Derek's wife Renee, for his children, for his brother and sister-in-law, for his nieces and nephews, and for the rest of his family and community. But I am also grieving for myself. I lost a hero this week. He was more than a preacher I heard once. He was a knight in shining armor, riding fearlessly into the dragon's cave and rescuing damsels in distress. He was a husband adored by his beautiful wife. He was a father who poured out his heart for his children. The frustrating thing is saying "he was." Why am I not saying "he is"? He should still be here with us. Still riding out ahead, still making wrong things right, one life at a time.

To quote Randy Bohlender, "This really stinks."

"God, help me understand! What are You doing? What are You thinking?" These are the questions that have hit me really hard today.

Derek still "is." To put it in Jesus' words, Derek has fallen asleep. But then why can't we wake him? Why can't he wake up tomorrow, kiss his wife, swing his kids around in his arms, and venture out to save the world again? For one simple reason: he "is," but he is not "here." "Here" is where we want him to be. God, send him back! Why did you take him now?

I feel like I'm looking at a picture of reality from one perspective. From here it looks like sadness and tears. The colors are flat, dark, and dreary. If I could just tilt my head a little one way or another I would see in 3D and the picture would suddenly become breathtakingly beautiful. It would be infused with light and color, and all the darkness I see now would become the contrast against which God's perfect plan would shine more brightly.

One question that I have heard whispered in my soul is this, "Who are you trusting in?" Oh, that hurts to hear, but there is comfort in it too. Whose job is it, really, to care for Renee and her children? Ultimately, it is God's. He is their true joy, their true protector, their true provider. He is the rescuer of the innocent, the comforter of the brokenhearted. Derek was bright because His Spirit shone through him. And HE has not left them. He will not.

You WILL NOT forsake them. Never. Not ever.

And so, though the picture has not yet shifted for me, I will trust You.

To quote Stephen Curtis Chapman, "Though this first taste is bitter, there will be sweetness forever."*

Let forever come.

*(From "Our God Is in Control" on the album Beauty Will Rise.)

Merry Christmas from the Swagertys!

Fun times at Grammie and Grampie's today.

Changing Perspective

My Daddy sent this to me in response to the news about Derek Loux. What an amazing earthly father I have.

There was this guy that came by and told everyone that they needed to change the world one child at a time. I missed it. I wasn't there to hear him but my oldest daughter and her husband tried to explain how the little flame that had been in their heart had been ignited into a torch by this guy. I kinda understood what they were saying and what they were were about to do but I was so unsure. But because I have full confidence in their ability make mature decisions and to hear God I was able to jump on board their adoption adventure. Soon after they adopted Alana, a newborn. She is beautiful, then a month later they birthed their 6th child. A little boy they call Tayan. I'm beginning to get it now. These kids need them! Need people like them to protect and love them.

I remember long ago having the feeling like we could adopt and do something special for someone. It didn't work out for us but I remember the feelings and the desire to make a difference in a child's life. But that was so long ago... Our other daughter is now pregnant with her sixth and they are looking at adopting another! This all seems so backwards. Aren't families getting smaller. Giving more to less? And the risks; they are so many, the work is so hard, the future is so dim, but they do it anyway! Why? Cause it is the direction God is sending them? Cause one child needs them to do the unusual. Cause they have hearts as big as the moon and my kids cannot just standby and do nothing so they take responsibility for others children with no needed or expected compensation. I think I'm am getting there.

No I didn't hear that guy speak but I do see his words. Why do I even bring it up? Cause I was just listening to his song today. It was a song of a lonely child that needs to be cared for and loved. As I watched the slide show on his website the words of the song sliced my heart. Pictures of his wife and many kids passed by, then the whole family transitioned to the top and he looked proud and strong. This man had set the pace. He raised the bar for us all. I wouldn't have even taken the time to listen to the song except I heard of the accident and I remembered he was the one who inspired my family. He died this morning and I had to know who he was so I went to his website and.... well I know many will cry and some will wonder why, but all are blessed because he was here.

By the way, Daddy, we are following your example of always giving yourself for others. You led the way. We are simply taking it the next step. Love you!!!

Please pray for the Louxes

I am heartbroken today for Derek Loux's family. He died in a car accident. You can read about it here.

Derek came to our church last year and spoke passionately about orphans, adoption and human trafficking. It was at that meeting that the Lord confirmed to Paul and my hearts that we were to begin the process of adoption. As a result, we have been blessed with our beautiful daughter, Atarah Alana Michelle. I just talked with a friend who also adopted this year, and she said that the Lord put adoption on her and her husband's hearts as a result of his message that night as well. It was not only his words but the fact that he lived out his message that made it so compelling.

Some of the things that he said have never left my heart. One was his encouragement to say YES to God regarding caring for widows and orphans according to James 1:27 and Isaiah 58. To go ahead and go for it even if it seems impossible (in our situation, already having four young children, and as it turns out, also getting pregnant partway through the process). God is our good shepherd, he reminded us, and He won't give us more than He gives us the ability to handle. So He will close doors if needed.

Another one that we often laugh at (as we relate all too well) is that he would rather say a few cuss words now and then by being stretched with a challenging life than live safely and never allow his character to be tested as he lives all-out for God. (He said it much better than that, of course.)

And, my husband's favorite, "I am no good at selling myself, but I can sell orphans. Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

I can't help but think how wrong it is that the family of such an outspoken advocate for widows and orphans now has lost their own husband and father. But I saw on their blog that they were recently able to go on vacation together as a family. My heart is comforted with the evidence that God was not surprised by this, as He gave them sweet times together just in the past few weeks. I am praying that He will use Derek's passing to WREAK HAVOC on Satan and all his diabolical plans.

Please keep this precious family in your prayers.

Perspective

Today I read this article about an adopted three-year-old daughter. It touched my heart and immediately I began praying for both mother and daughter. Then I read this article, which helped me to see things from God's perspective. Lord, bring justice to Emma and all children who have been abused before they were even born!

By the way ... thank you

While I'm on the subject of Thanksgiving, I want to say thank you to those of you who have been praying for our adoption expenses to be met and those who have given to help us. I am happy to report that we have received enough money to pay the lawyer! We know that the Lord will provide the rest at the perfect time.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving. We had fun fellowship with Paul's parents and grandparents, Vivie and Chimere Bussey, Chimere's dad Finis, and Marya Morgan. TONS of yummy food. Some of us played two games of Mexican Train while others enjoyed the movie Ratatouille. And we all fit at the new table for dinner!

Second Best?

Daughter,

You are precious and beloved. I have longed and prayed for you many years before you were born. In no way could you ever be considered second best in my heart. Beautiful flower transplanted into my garden, if anything, I may tend to spoil you a little because I want to make sure that your roots are firmly established in the soil of love.

One emotion that I was not prepared to feel, though, as your mother, is fear. How you will see me as you grow into a woman? Will you love me? Or will you resent me? I have chosen to be your mother, but you did not choose to be my daughter. I am sure that you will wonder about the one who gave birth to you. It is a normal and healthy thing to do. I hope that you will love her and be blessed with a close relationship with her. I am glad that we have an open relationship with her so that you will always have all your questions answered and, I hope, all your heart's needs fulfilled.

But where does that leave me? Am I the "other" mother? Does that make me less? Am I second best? One night as I prayed to have my heart unlocked toward you more fully, the Holy Spirit revealed this fear lying deeply in my heart. I heard His gentle whisper,

"So what if you are second best? Will you love her any differently?"

There you go. My fear out in front of me, waiting to be dealt with. How would I answer? There was no hesitation.

"No, I will not love her any differently. Whether or not she ever returns my love, I will love her with all my heart."

So, my precious pearl, I am yours forever. No matter what you choose to do with my heart, you have it today and forever. You always have, and you always will. I love you.

With all my heart,
Your mommy

Dedication

This morning we dedicated our babies! I loved how Pastor Bob pointed out that the little children were brought to Jesus during His earthly ministry, and we are continuing to do the same. Yes, Lord, bless our babies and make them Your own!

What made it extra special is that our friends Junius and Melissa dedicated their daughter Naomi at the same time. Johnny and Gina dedicated their youngest two, Hannah and Luke!

Asking for a Miracle

I hesitate to write this post, as I have posted so rarely in the past few months, and several of the last few posts have included requests for money. There are other things I would much rather talk about, and there are pictures to post. We are all growing and learning and adjusting to being a big family. Many of the things that I love to do have gone by the wayside lately, such as journaling, blogging, playing piano, reading, taking walks, and spending time with friends. Instead, I am feeding and caring for the babies 24/7, home schooling the older three children, and trying to keep up with Kole's constant busyness. And I don't regret it one bit.

However, as I prayed this evening for wisdom and direction regarding our financial situation, I felt that perhaps it is time to let others know again of our need. I know that God is giving many people a heart for adoption. There are so many children who need a forever home. We have stepped out in faith to open our home to one of them. God miraculously provided the up-front money we needed without our having to ask, but for whatever reason it is not so easy on this end of the process. Perhaps He is testing our faith. Will we trust Him no matter what? We are determined to do so.

So here's the deal. In order to finalize Alana's adoption, we need $800 for the last two post placement visits and $500 for finalization fees. In addition, today we received a bill from the lawyer in Louisiana for $1000 on top of what we have already paid him. As his job is not yet done, we expect we will owe him more before it's all over. This came as a total surprise. We had been told that the amount we paid up front would probably be more than enough. And we simply do not have the money for these expenses, despite the fact that we are constantly adjusting and trimming our budget.

Many people have already helped us with Alana's adoption. We are so grateful. I am not asking anyone to do anything that they cannot do. I am simply asking God for a miracle. In reality, this is such a small thing. Our Father, who created the heavens and the earth, can take care of it in a moment. So the issue is not whether He can. We know He can. And it is not whether He will. We know He will! The issue is whether we will trust Him.

". . . [O]ur God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us. . . . But if not, let it be known to you . . . that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up" (Daniel 3:17-18, NKJV).

We will not bow down to fear. No matter what, we WILL trust Him! We have taken a stand for righteousness. He will be faithful.

"In You, O LORD, I put my trust; let me never be put to shame" (Psalm 71:1, NKJV).

Thank you for your understanding.

Bring Home Alayna

This is a family that I have been following through their blog for about a year. They are amazing, have such hearts to give a home to children. God has brought a new baby to them, due to be born in the next couple of weeks. Please consider giving to help with the adoption expenses. You can read about the adoption here.

Drawn from Water

Please read below, click the link, do as the Lord leads. These kids need our help.

The rubber hitting the dirt (not much pavement in Jinka)

I debated if I should make this post into a whole stand-alone post or quietly add it into another of the posts here…. And honestly am still debating in my head which is the best way to do it. But here goes nothing.

We are having a hard time with money. The costs of running the orphanage and working on getting the children adopted despite being in a inexpensive country are high and we do not have enough supporters. We had a good push at the beginning of people who donated but that has dropped off and we are getting dangerously low on money.

I need to stop right here and say that this is a very hard post to write. Everything in me is telling me to stop and delete it and hope for the best but I know that I made a commitment to these kids to help support them and right now that means being humble and asking that people like you help support them and our effort to get them into families. So I am going to keep rolling on here and hope that it works.

Our costs are extremely low by western standards; we support 10 children and 7 full time staff for less than the cost of one couple with no children in to live a modest lifestyle in America. Yet we are still having a hard time getting the money together to make that happen. The other thing is that now with the plan to find families for the children our cost are going up.

Ok I need to stop and just let you do what you feel led to do. We have a neat little donate button up above that you can click and the rest is up to you.

Also, I have said this before and am saying it again because so many of you have helped out in this way and it works so good. If you have a blog please post about us so that we can spread the word.

And let me be the first to say thank you, thank you, and thank you!

Levi Benkert

Please click here to donate.

Little 'Lana

Words cannot express how in love we are with our little 'Lana. She is beautiful, happy, peaceful, and indescribably precious. Her eyes are so expressive, and she has long, beautiful, curly eyelashes. When you look into her face, she responds with the most uninhibited, happy grin that you've ever seen. I hope we can capture it on camera sometime. Everyone who meets her is instantly in love.

We are still in need of $2,000.00 to finalize Alana's adoption. Would you please consider a donation of any size? You can use the link to the right and donate securely through PayPal. Thank you so much!

An Exciting Opportunity!

Drawn From Water is a ministry that is rescuing babies from being killed by their own tribe. CLICK HERE to read more about them and to see the exciting news - the children are going to be made available for adoption!

Drawn from Water from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

We Have Room

This one too!

Promo for "We Have Room" Documentary from David Watson on Vimeo.

The Blind Side

I HAVE to see this movie!

Praise Report and Prayer Request

Click on picture to see entire album:

2009-08 Tayan

We want to praise God for the healthy delivery of our son, Tayan Glenn Swagerty! After five hours of relatively easy labor and an intense half hour at the end, he was born 9 lb. 3 oz., 21.5 inches, at 9:34am on Sunday, August 9. We are so glad that God started the labor naturally before our scheduled inducement. Tay is simply a joy, very peaceful, and eats like a horse! He also looks a lot like his namesake, "GoPa" Glenn.

We also ask for continued prayer for Michelle's recovery. Several hours after the birth, Michelle started hemorrhaging. She lost a good deal of blood. The doctors and nurses were considering a transfusion but decided not to after things started to turn around. Thanks to the diligent prayer covering and the skill of the medical staff, she was released the next day to recuperate at home. Paul and Laura are caring for Michelle, Tayan, and Alana at home while our older children are cared for by other family members.

Daddy Paul asks that you please be considerate of our children's little ears regarding what you may have heard or think you know about what happened to their Mommy last Sunday.

Thank you again and again for all your prayers and love during this pregnancy and birth.