Adoption News

Thank you so much for continuing to pray with us about this situation that we have been presented with this week. What an exciting, emotional week it has been for us!

So it looks like this situation is not for us. The agency is simply not willing to budge on the fees, and we don't have the time (and are not prepared) to be able to raise that amount of money that quickly. They said that they will look for another family for him. So we are continuing to pray that God will place him in just the right family!

Our home study should hopefully be completed next week (we just found out yesterday that there are still a couple of documents missing from our file). Then we will be able to start applying for financial aid and fund raising so that we will be ready when God brings the situation our way that IS for us! We are not in a hurry to make anything happen. We are simply trusting Him in the timing and provision of it all. We're trusting in the leading of our Good Shepherd.

Adoption Update!

Thanks so much for responding quickly to our request for prayer yesterday. We got THE CALL today from the agency in Las Vegas telling us that if we want the baby, he's ours! We have been praying and processing all day ... this is what we have dreamed of for so long. Can it actually be happening? I mean, we have so tried not to push this. We have moved really slowly on our home study, which is still a week away from completion. We have not yet submitted applications to adoption agencies. We have four young children and are pregnant. Through all of this we have questioned and prayed and asked again and again if we are on the right track and every time God has responded with an unequivocal YES! From Paul's raise at the beginning of our home study (which has covered all our adoption expenses so far) to the continued peace we have had (in the midst of our minds telling us we must be crazy) to the fact that we have done NOTHING to get this baby ... He is literally being offered to us without our having done any of the mounds of paperwork and applications and sending out of our profile to several agencies, being presented to different birth moms, waiting to be chosen ... none of that. We were simply called and asked if we were interested, and we say yes! What is this? It must be God, because it certainly isn't our doing, and it isn't what we were prepared to expect.

When I found out that I was pregnant, the first thing I did was to pray, "Lord, what is this about? Are we ahead of you on adoption?" (In my mind, being pregnant could very possibly end our chances of adopting.) "Did we really hear you when we felt you said now is the time? All we want to do is be obedient to you. We don't NEED to adopt. We have plenty of children by birth. But we have such a burden to provide a home to one or more of Your precious orphans. Are we disqualified? Is this not what You have for us?" And then I opened my Bible to continue my daily reading where I had left off the day before. The chapter before me was John 21, and the words came alive as living manna to my heart. The disciples had been fishing all night with no success, and then Jesus came and told them to throw their nets on the other side of the boat. They wondered, is it really Him? (I was asking the same question, is this really You, Lord, telling us to adopt right now?) They did what He said and then their nets were so full that they couldn't pull them into the boat, but their nets didn't break. I asked God how this applied to me, and He said, "I have an abundance for you, so much that you cannot pull it in without Me. But your nets will not break!" This was challenging to me, but encouraging, so I read on. Later in the chapter, Jesus' question to Peter again pierced my heart. "Do you love Me?" Yes, Jesus, you know that I love you. So very, very much. "Then feed my lambs." Is that all You really need to be able to use me, Lord? Just my love for You? Well, You have it. If You can use it to feed Your lambs, then bring on the lambs. I may not have much wisdom or energy or natural resources, but I do have love for You. You are welcome to use me to feed Your lambs, and I will trust You to provide for everything we need.

That morning conversation with the Lord has stuck with me the past couple of months as we have continued to say "yes" to adoption. We have known that there is not much we can do to convince anyone to "let" us adopt given our somewhat unusual situation (not being an infertile couple and pregnant). But we also knew that if this is what God had for us, then nothing would stand in the way of Him bringing the child He intended for us into our home. We simply did our part to be ready.

So at this point we need your continued prayers. We will be talking to the agency tomorrow to let them know that we are willing to adopt this precious little boy and to work out the details. Please pray that we have favor with them, especially regarding the finances. We are hoping they will be able to come down a bit on the adoption fees, which we have been told will come to about $23,000. We know that the money is no problem for God, but we want to do our part in being good stewards. Also, we will be doing some quick fund raising and applying for financial aid because part of the fees will be due immediately and the rest (I believe) when he is born. So we don't have much time. But ultimately, that's God's problem, not ours, since this was all His idea in the first place. We are praying and believing to be able to do this without going into debt.

Please pray with us that if this is our son, nothing will stop him from coming into our home!

Possible Match Today?

Please be praying for us today! We just got a call this morning from Christian Adoption Consultants about a baby boy who is due to be born around Feb. 13 in Las Vegas. The agency wants to make a match today, and we are being presented to them as a possibility! Please pray 1) that God would direct the agency as they choose a family for this little boy (apparently the agency is choosing in this case, not the birth parents), and 2) that if we are chosen God will provide the money needed quickly! I am working on applying for grants today.

Kole is Walking!

I think this video is too cute not to share.

Baby Swagerty!

 

I am very thankful that the Lord opened a last-minute appointment for me to have an ultrasound today. I found out at 2:15pm that my doctor had scheduled an appointment for me right by my house at 3:05pm. And my sister was already over, so I was able to just go!

The baby looked great! Heartbeat and all ... everything as it should be for a seven-week pregnancy.

Thank You, Lord!!!!!

Feeling Better Today

Thank you to everyone who is praying for me. I am doing better today. Nothing has become very clear yet. The good news is that the bleeding has slowed. Yesterday it was very light and today I have seen no blood. Still a little cramping but nothing severe. I saw my doctor yesterday who ordered blood tests and an ultrasound to find out how the baby is doing, so we should be getting results sometime this week. In the meantime I'm continuing to take it easy. My sister, Christal, is helping me out this week as well as our friend, Anne, and my mother in law, Helen. These amazing people simply volunteered to help out; we didn't ask anyone! God completely amazes me how He takes care of us all the time.

Please Pray for Me

Please pray for me today. Saturday evening I started bleeding (like a light period) and it hasn't stopped (though it has slowed down). I also have been having some mild cramping and lower back pain. Hubby has been taking care of the kids and house for the past couple of days, but he needs to go back to work today. The house is messy, which always depresses me. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor regarding an appointment today. The heater went out yesterday, so we're waiting for our rental agency to send someone to fix it. We have space heaters all over the house which thankfully are doing a pretty good job fending off the cold. I really need a shower and just want to cry. I know all these things are merely circumstantial, but I'm having a hard time with my perspective today. I know that everyone can relate to "one of those" days/weekends/whatever. Worst of all is that I feel all messed up inside, like none of my thoughts are right. I REALLY need God's perspective today.

Candid

The assignment:

Take a picture of yourself right NOW!

DON’T change your clothes, DON’T fix your hair… Just take a picture.

Post that picture with NO editing.

Post these instructions with your picture.


Okay, Courtney, here you go. I like you a lot to post this one taken this morning - before breakfast and before shower - hadn't washed my hair in a WEEK! At least I was holding the baby on my lap. He's cute all the time!

 

:) :) :)

Not Exactly What I Was Expecting

I have been wanting to post for a long time. There is so much on my heart about adopting and God's heart. But recently I have been rather speechless at the turn that the path has taken in the journey our good Shepherd is leading us on. Just as we are finishing up our home study, we find ourselves pregnant ... again.

There are many things that I could say. I could try to defend or explain what seems a bit strange in this day of birth control and voluntary sterilization. But I won't. Not right now. My mouth is closed before the God who made the universe, who holds the stars in His hands, and who holds my heart. Suffice it to say that as we are following His leading to the best of our ability, He is teaching us to trust Him in ways that are deeper and more glorious than I'd ever anticipated.

I have been joking that while I am very glad to be welcoming another baby into our family (after all, I have been looking forward to that anyway), I am somewhat in denial about the process that child is taking to get here. I think she (yes, my guess is that it's a girl) is just going to be dropped off on our doorstep next August, and we will welcome her joyfully. My heart is open to welcome any and every child the Lord sees fit to bring to us. And, having spent half of my seven years of marriage pregnant, I am now at a point that it seems better not to dwell on that fact too much. I am trusting that God will give me the strength to do what He asks of me.

One question has come up many times as others have heard that we are pregnant. "Are you still going to adopt?" That is the question that I would like to address here. It is a question that has been weighing on my heart for weeks, months even. When we started the home study process, knowing that we may still become pregnant at some point along the way, we looked at each other and said, "If we get pregnant, we won't stop this time."

You see, we have begun the adoption process twice before. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember. Many times, both before and since marrying my Salt Racer, I have cried out to the Lord in tears, asking when I will be released to adopt. When my husband and I had the usual premarital conversation, "So, how many kids do you want?" I made him answer first. "2.3" was, I believe, the answer he gave. So I decided to go for the jugular. "I want six," I said. I figured that he'd either run away right then and there, or he would reconsider his position. He didn't run, and since then he has become at least as committed to having a large family as I am. And his heart to adopt is equally strong.

There are many days, many moments, when I think I must be crazy. It is not easy to be a stay-at-home mother to four children five and under, especially when I am pregnant (sick, tired, in pain, etc.) half the time. When I look at my circumstances, I am easily overwhelmed.

Then there is always the question, what social worker or birth mother is going to think that we should be able to adopt a child whose future is in their hands? We certainly don't fit the usual paradigm of adoptive parents.

So this is the conclusion that we've come to. It seems reasonable enough. We are going to finish up our home study (which is valid for three years) and simply be available. Should the Lord see fit to bless our family with any children through adoption, we will be ready. And if three years pass without our adopting, then we will seek the Lord about updating it so that we will continue to be ready.

You see, we figure that we can "easily" fit eight children in our home, and possibly more with some creative thinking. So why not go for as many as we can? We feel a bit like Oscar Schindler at the end of Schindler's List, "I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don't know. If I'd just... I could have got more." In light of the alternative (babies being aborted and abandoned), the difficulties fade in magnitude.

That is my "reasonable" state of mind. But my heart is crying out, "No! I don't want to just 'be ready'! I don't want to take no for an answer! I know a little girl right now who needs a mommy and daddy to love her. Why not me? Why not us? Why not now?" So what if human reasoning says it's too much? So what if it's a risk? I don't want to live by that kind of thinking anymore. I want to live by the kind of thinking that instead of saying, "I can't," says, "Yes, Lord! Show me how!"

I KNOW that He will meet us there. I KNOW that He loves a heart of faith that doesn't tell Him, "Enough!" I KNOW that He will honor a heart that continues, no matter what, to say, "More, Lord!" Yes, in my own strength it is impossible. But He never asked me to live by my own strength, did He? No, He most certainly did not.

Even if He gently says, "Not yet, little one," I know that He loves my heart. He is not thinking, "Foolish little girl who wants to take on the world but doesn't know her own limitations." (Even though that's what I'm afraid He thinks in my lower moments.) No, what He is thinking is, "I love that! I love that you trust Me so much! That you want to walk in such a place of dependence on Me that you are willing to take on more than you know you can handle on your own. Don't worry, I will meet you there. I will give you an abundance, and your nets will not break. Don't fear, you will feed many lambs for me."

And so, are we still going to adopt? YES!!!! As long as there is breath in me, I will continue to hope that the Lord will allow us to adopt at least one child, if not more. And I will continue to welcome every precious life that He brings to us, whether "homegrown" or "transplanted."

Thank You, Lord, for Your many blessings. Help me not to be afraid but to walk in the reality of Your love which casts out all fear. I love You!

What Really Matters

My husband posted about what really matters. It is worth reading.

Thoughts on Adoption, part 2

"There is one who scatters, yet increases more; And there is one who withholds more than is right, But it leads to poverty. The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself" (Proverbs 11:24-25 NKJV).

I have been reflecting that I have a choice. I can live by man's rules, which tell me to save, invest, and provide for myself. There is a certain amount of wisdom in this. But then there are God's rules, which say to throw everything I have into His treasury and trust Him for the outcome (see Luke 18:18-22; 21:3-4).

Paul and I have decided that we would rather live by God's rules. This may cause us to have some need at times as our Father teaches us to trust Him completely. After all, didn't Jesus allow the people to become hungry before He multiplied the loaves and fishes for them? But as we water others, pouring out what has been given to us to meet others' needs, we trust that we ourselves will also be watered when it's our turn to drink.

"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who wins souls is wise" (Proverbs 11:30 NKJV).

The Amplified says, "he who is wise captures human lives." We are privileged to offer ourselves and all our resources (financial, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) to capture a few human lives for Jesus. Some of them have been captured into our family by birth and others, we hope, through adoption. But what better way to spend ourselves that this?

I remind myself of this frequently when I look at my own natural resources of wisdom, energy, time, and money, and know that I do not have what it takes. I am glad that I do not, for then I have to rely on the One who gives me strength. And that is right where He wants me to be.

If You Want to Cry ...

Watch this and be blown away at how much you are loved.

The Last Word

I really wanted to post something tonight, but I have had very little to say. My heart is filled with sadness and hope. I can only cry out to God for His love and mercy and forgiveness.

Then I saw this. Tonight, who best to speak but one of the silenced masses who by God's grace lived to tell about it? Watch this beautiful, eloquent woman and be encouraged. There is a God, and He loves us so much.



I ask, Lord, that You will give me such holy boldness as You have given Gianna. I beg You to teach me to rejoice in being hated as she has been hated since before she was born. As You were hated. And to love those who are hating You in me. My Daddy loves me too!

One Vote Counts

When our childen are gown, they will want to know what we stood for.

Here is a four-minute video to pass on. Reminds me of the America I believed in as a child.

http://www.valuevotersusa.com/

What?!?

Read this to see why it is so important to pass Proposition 8:

First Graders Taken to San Francisco City Hall For Gay Wedding

With hope,
Michelle

Another Moment of Grace

And when Salt Racer (aka Knight in Shining Armor) came home early from work, he brought these:

 

Thank You again.

Moment of Grace

 

Yesterday was a really hard day. I cried a lot of tears while crying out to the Lord. But in the morning, there was this bright, peaceful moment. Something (One my heart knows well) told me to take pictures and remember. The kids and I sat on a blanket on our picnic table (the only dry spot in the back yard) to pray and read the Bible together. I want to thank You publicly, Lord, for this moment of grace.

What to do today?

What to do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?

Vote Yes on Prop 8

This video is eye-opening.

In Pain

My soul is in anguish. My spirit cries out.

The world is in pain. And yet it dances the night away.

And babies die.

Does anyone care? Does anyone notice.

There are mommies who cry tonight. And yet the world says dance.
And so they do.

Why?

Why dance?

There is other music playing. Another song is being sung.
Just listen harder and you can hear it.

It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."

And when you listen your spirit soars.

Listen to the song of ages. Listen to the song of songs. It is a quiet song. It is not a loud song. But it is the oldest song.

You don't like it because it isn't new. You want the latest. The latest will fade. The newest will age.

But this song will remain. This song is the oldest. But this song will always be the latest. As the world looks for the next best thing. After you have been used up and discarded, the song still sings.

It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."

Just listen.