Sleeping like a baby

Alana sleeps fairly soundly...

...which is really nice in the middle of the night...

...but when it's dinner time...

...and she still looks like this... we just have to laugh.

She's a Swagerty alright. We make good sleepers. :)

Today in Louisiana

 

This morning Michelle put Alana into the wrap during breakfast. We had fun thinking of various names for the double-decker effect. Our favorite is "bunk beds."

 

This afternoon Michelle took a watch on the prayer wall here at LaHOP.

 

The names of the businesses here in Louisiana are quite ... fun. "Skent & Dent Outlet"? What is that? Oh ... they sell not-so-gently used washing machines and dryers. I still don't understand "skent" but at least "dent" makes sense.

And in case you weren't paying close attention to the bottom of the sign above...here is a closeup of the bottom of the sign.

 

That's right: "Billy Bob's Bank & Tooh Extraction." What?!?

Wakey Baby

Cuddling with Mommy

Alana likes the new wrap Mommy made for her!

Mommy likes it too - nice and snug.

La HOP

Here are some pictures of the beautiful House of Prayer/B&B where we are staying while we're here. We are in awe of our Father's extravagant care for us!

The prayer room

Another view of the prayer room

The kitchen



Making Alana's bottle

A Taste of Lousiana

This evening we were treated to dinner by our wonderful hosts. They took us to a traditional little "mom & pop" restaurant on a Louisiana bayou. Paul ate crawfish, catfish and some baby shrimp. Michelle ate salad. We were both were very happy.

Louisiana Bayou

Turtles in the water


Feeding the turtles in the water

Louisiana Michelle

The reason we are here! Princess Alana.

NOT Unwanted

Watch this video. It's only 1:30, and it's amazing and powerful.

The Louxes

One of the familys we follow closely is the Louxes in Kansas City. Derek and Renee Loux were one of the couples God used to give us the courage to go ahead and pursue adoption ourselves. John and Tracie, their brother and sister-in-law, are also an incredible adoptive family. And Tracie Loux has been our consultant and is the one who connected us with our precious Alana!

All that to say, read this post about Sasha Loux's new wheels! God is so extravagant in His love!

Alana's First Bath! (Now with sound!)

The Bath!


The Aftermath!




















Mommy and her CLEAN princess!

Alana Michelle - 8 days old

Big yaaaaaaawn. (She gets that from her Poppa.)

The Princess and her Daddy.

The Princess and her Mommy.

Holding hands at breakfast.

Introducing Alana Michelle Swagerty

Here is our baby girl ready to go home with Mommy and Daddy. We had such an incredible meeting with Jennifer, her birth mommy. We talked for two hours nonstop. The social worker said that in her 30+ years of adoption experience, she has never seen the visit go on that long. She basically had to kick us all out! Not that surprising, since Paul and I love to talk, and apparently so does Jennifer. :) We talked about everything from family, history, and Jennifer's birth experience, to sports (yes Dallas Cowboys, no 49er's, Packers, or Steelers), the military (Jennifer was stationed in Iraq for two years), and washing machines.

We also met Tami, Alana's foster mommy for the first week of her life. She obviously loves Alana as well. She herself has birth and adopted children, and she home schools her kids too! She was sad to let Alana go.

Nothing could have prepared us for the emotions of that time. We laughed and cried, and then we laughed and cried some more. By the time we left, Jennifer said that her tears were happy tears. She seems to be very much at peace with her decision.

We are completely in awe of the amazing gift that we have been given today. We have to keep reminding ourselves that Alana is really ours from the Lord and from her birth mother. The moment when that began to become real to me was when we got to La HOP (where we are staying) and she started acting hungry. I decided to take the plunge and try nursing her - and she latched right on! She has a strong suck, too. Somehow in that moment I knew that she is mine and I am hers forever, and it was meant to be.

Thank you again for all your prayers, love, and support. We are surrounded by grace and favor.

Meeting Pictures Part 2

Holding hands

Three mommies and a baby:
adoptive mommy Michelle, foster mommy Tami, and birth mommy Jennifer

Daddy holding Alana for the first time

Forever Daddy and Forever Mommy make a Forever Family.

Meeting Pictures Part 1

Paul, Jennifer, Michelle, and Baby Alana just met.

Meeting Alana

Admiring Alana

MommyJen and Baby Alana

97 miles to go!

We just passed a "Shreveport - 97 Miles" sign. We are going to get there right at the time we are scheduled to meet Alana Michelle and her VERY brave and courageous birth mother, Jennifer.

Heavenly Father, may your peace that passes understanding be tangibly felt in the meeting. Thank you for giving Alana a forever family. Thank you for giving Jennifer a heart that is like yours, thinking nothing of her own pain, but looking ahead for life for her daughter. Wrap your arms around her. Let her feel your love. Amen.

Almost There ...

We are up bright and early this morning in great anticipation of meeting our new baby girl! It just seems like the heavens are open as we read the Bible and pray and act in concert with the One whom we love and who loves us so much. We are walking on air.

So today we have appointments between noon and 3pm to meet Alana, her birth mother, her foster mother, the agency, and a lawyer. Please be praying for a covering of peace and joy as the Lord sovereignly joins two families who were previously strangers through the love of this blessed child. She is double, triply, infinitely loved!

We can hardly wait to bring her home to meet all the family and friends who are eagerly awaiting her arrival. Until then ...



More pictures to come!

We're Adopting! Please Pray!

We just received word yesterday of a precious baby girl born on May 20th who was in need of a family. After a whirlwind of phone calls and emails, we were placed in contact with the birth mother today at 11am. We were able to talk with her for a very long time on the phone and just fell in love with her (and she with us)! So what that means is that we are suddenly leaving for Shreveport, LA Tuesday morning to pick up our new baby girl. We will be arriving in Shreveport Wednesday morning to begin the paperwork process.

We covet your prayers as we travel during this very emotional time. Please pray that things will flow smoothly and the paperwork angels will bring their 'A' game. :) Also for the peace that passes understanding for everyone involved.

The baby's birth name is "Alana Michelle". We are in awe of the fact that the birth mother gave her such a perfect name since Alan is Paul's middle name and of course Michelle.

If you would like to be part of what God is doing please click the PayPal button at the top of the page and you can donate. Every little bit helps.

My Dream Car

I have recently found my new dream car. Here is a picture:




I can just imagine driving up to church in this beauty and piling out with my half-dozen kids. Wouldn't that be awesome???

Match Fell Through

I have been too sad to post anything for the past couple of days, but I think I can say something now. We found out Tuesday morning that the birth mother who had chosen our family changed her mind. Here is what I wrote as I processed my thoughts:

We find (somewhat to our surprise) that our hearts are broken over the loss of this child. We tried not to hope too much, but with each day that passed we found ourselves loving and praying for the baby and her mother with a passion that surprised us. So to have the situation fall through is devastating. (We have had other situations fall through - even having thought we had a match once before - but it has not hurt like this before.)

We looked forward to raising this baby with our other children, to the privilege of being able to breast feed her easily since I am having a baby soon, and to continuing to love and pray for her birth mother. Our family and friends were equally excited about welcoming this little one into their lives!

We are now asking the Lord to heal our hearts and help us to move on. He is faithful and has already begun to do so.

Thank you for your love, prayers, and support.

Adoption Update!

So we were able to talk with the agency today and get more information about our baby's birth mother and the overall situation. It is starting to look like this might really happen! We are hoping to talk with the birth mother later this week by phone conference. That will be our "match meeting," after which she and we will confirm whether we still feel right about going forward. I am so nervous about that conversation! I'm sure she is too. Then, assuming all goes well, we will sign the contracts and move forward.

Please pray for our conversation to be relaxed and filled with peace.

Also, please be praying that the Lord brings in the funds we need. We have been saving all we can and have enough to get started, but since the baby is due in just a few weeks the full amount will be due very quickly (not sure yet just how quickly--we're hoping for a bit of leniency in this area). We are still figuring out what exactly the full amount will come to.

We know that all of this is no problem for our Abba! He has made the way before us up to now, and we know that if this is His will, He will continue to do so. All of our trust is in Him!

In Las Vegas, Part 4: Hoover Dam

I had mentioned in my first Las Vegas post that I was looking for a couple of Fun Things that Paul and I could do together in the evenings. We found (and did) them!

First, we both really wanted to see Hoover Dam since it is only about 45 minutes away. I had seen it once before while travelling through, and Paul had never seen it. However, we decided at first that we wouldn't. Due to Paul's conference schedule, there was no way that we could get there before dark, much less in time for a tour. Then, Tuesday night we decided, who cares? It will be a nice drive, even if we can't see much, and it will get us out of the city for a little while. So we stopped by In-N-Out for dinner and drove out to the Dam.

I capitalize "dam" here because this is no ordinary dam. Even at night, with construction going on and guards and not being able to walk on it to look down, it was awe-inspiring. It was beautiful. And as we approached, we were amazed to see a gorgeous, huge, partially-finished Bridge suspended over the gorge high above the Dam. We marveled at what it must take to build such a thing. It looks like it should be impossible, and yet we were seeing it right there, larger than life! (Much, much larger.)

We drove over the Dam and parked at a lookout up the hill a little way. Looking back at the Dam and the Bridge, and out over the waters of Lake Mead, it was so peaceful. Definitely a needed break from the Las Vegas Strip. We drove back with hearts full.

I will write about our second Fun Thing in a separate post.

In Adoption News ...

We just can't wait to share the news that we have been picked by a birth mom!!!!!! She lives in Illinois, and she said she picked our family because she wants her baby to have siblings. There are several formalities to go through before this is fully official, but this is the first real step. It looks like OUR baby GIRL will be born around June 30 (just over seven weeks away!). We are so excited!!!!!!!!! We're going to have "twins"!!

What an adventure this is!!!

In Las Vegas, part 3: A Prayer

This week, as I read the following in Song 3:1-3. I felt that it was a picture of the hearts of the people in Las Vegas and in our nation/culture:

"Night after night on my bed I looked for the man I love. I looked for him, but I didn't find him. 'I will get up now and roam the city, through the streets and open places, I will look for the man I love.' I looked for him, but I didn't find him. The guards roaming the city found me. 'Have you seen the man I love?'"

Day after day, night after night, they are looking for the One they love. They may not even realize Who it is they are really looking for. But they don't find Him, so they go look for him in the public places, asking the "guards" for help. The wisdom of the age (represented by the guards) tells them that they will find it by satisfying their lusts, by filling themselves with any pleasure available. So they participate willingly, giving themselves to one another and to whatever pleasure presents itself. They even leave thinking that they have been filled. But they have not found what they are looking for, because the guards don't know how to point them to Him.

"Scarcely had I left them, when I found the man I love. I took hold of him and would not let him go until I had brought him to my mother's house, to the bedroom of the woman who conceived me. I warn you ... not to awaken or stir up love until it wants to arise!" (Song 3:4-5).

Lord, You are the love for which they are searching. You are the magnificent obsession for which they are hungry. Reveal Yourself to them. Help them to stop listening to the "guards" and instead to pass them by, determined to find what truly satisfies. And let them find You, take hold of You, and not let You go. Go with them into the deepest, most intimate places of their hearts and bring healing, hope, and restoration. Let them not be awakened by counterfeit loves, but to arise into Your love. Satisfy them, Lord. Bring their dryness to an end. In all their searching, may they find You and be filled.

In Las Vegas, part 2: Random Impressions

It's amazing how full my days have been even when I have most of the day to myself in a hotel room. Those long, luxurious baths and naps really eat up the time! :) But I have been wanting to post a short list of impressions of this ugly, beautiful city.

1) A pleasant surprise greeted us when we arrived at the Las Vegas airport: clean(er than we expected) air! We had prepared ourselves to be hit by a wall of smoke when we arrived, since that's what had happened last time we flew here about three years ago. We couldn't figure out what was going on until we got to the casino (marveling that we could still breathe even here) and spotted a sign explaining the new "Nevada Clean Air Act" which has been passed by voters. Hallelujah! No headaches this time!

2) A not-so pleasant surprise while driving to our hotel: the sight of five men lining the sidewalk on the Las Vegas Strip wearing neon green, yellow, and orange shirts emblazoned with the words "Girls Direct" It was literally a gauntlet that everyone walking on that side of the street had to pass through. I was glad to see that all the people I saw pass through it were refusing to take the flyers the pimps were trying to force on them. It's amazing how institutionalized and open prostitution is here. I've heard about it but had never before seen the evidence with my own eyes. (Thankfully I have been mostly protected from this during our stay since I haven't been outside much. Paul, on the other hand, has had to face it every day. He has gotten so mad that he wants to take a machete to the "news" bins carrying porn. Instead, he picks up as much of the trashy trash as he can on his daily walks to and from the conference center and dumps it in the nearest dumpster.)

3) Circus Circus at 6am: Did you realize that casinos actually close? Well, not the slot machines. I have seen people at those at every time of the day and night. But the restaurants, shops, and vendors actually do close down for the night. Trying to find hot coffee at 6am is not that easy. But I have grown to enjoy those morning walks to the Krispy Kreme shop. The casino is relatively peaceful. Few people are awake, no one is trying to get your attention, and the only people to be seen are other early risers looking for coffee. There's a sort of cameraderie that is completely gone by 8am when everyone and everything else starts waking up. Though it is a bit surreal to walk through the empty halls of a "circus." Zoltar the fortune teller still talks to you when you walk by. It sort of feels like that scene in the 80's movie, "Big."

4) After spending several days here, I both love and hate Las Vegas more than ever. She can be so beautiful and so ugly at the same time. She is meant to be a jewel, but she has settled for being a cheap thrill. (It was sort of sad-funny to see a woman trying to talk us into discounted show tickets search vainly in her book for something "clean" in her book. She finally gave up and acknowledged that she probably had nothing to interest us. Here eyes seemed to say, "So why are you here?" We were sort of wondering the same thing at the time!)

Time to go get the coffee! I hope to post at least one more time before we head home tomorrow.

In Las Vegas, part 1

We got away!!! After six weeks of nearly continuous illness in our household, Salt Racer is still recovering from pink eye, but thankfully the rest of us haven't gotten it this time. And our wonderful, stupendous family all decided to go ahead and watch our kids anyway so that my hubby and I can get away together for a week in Las Vegas. (He has a conference to attend for work and invited me to come along so I can rest during the day and we can hang out - alone together! - at night.)

This morning we got up early and had breakfast together before he went to his conference for the day. This was fun: I got up while he was still sleeping and went on a trek to find coffee for him. At home the past couple of weeks I've been getting him hot tea in the morning to help him wake up earlier, so it felt really good to still be able to do that for him this morning even though I had to be more creative in finding where to get it in a casino at 6am when everything is mostly closed.

Coming here has been such an adventure already! Surrounded by so much that is really bad, we were feeling a bit out of place last night as we were arriving and getting checked in. Then, as we stood in line at registration, I remembered how when I was a kid traveling with my parents, we could go anywhere and it never fazed me at all because I was with them. So many strange places that we ended up sometimes: casinos, bars, even beaches in Europe with people who didn't think the top parts of their swimsuits were necessary. But as a child, I was hardly affected by my surroundings because I was secure in my parents' care. When I told Paul what I was thinking, he said, "There's something to learn there." We began to realize that we still don't need to worry because we are with our God-Daddy, and He is just as much with us here as anywhere else.

As we continued discussing this (mostly me philosophizing and he nodding his head agreeably), a lady motioned for us to follow her to register. We followed her past all the computer stations and then she motioned for us to go through double doors at the end of the counter labeled "VIP - Invited Guests Only." Our mouths dropped open. We grinning at each other as we realized that our Abba was telling us very plainly, "Yes, you are here with Me, and I am taking care of you. Don't be afraid. Trust Me." It was so powerful that we just sort of walked away on a cloud. We felt surrounded by His favor and love!

Anyway, now I am making my schedule for the day so I don't wonder what to do by myself in a hotel room all day. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm so used to having my schedule dictated by others' needs that I feel a little lost. I thought a schedule might help me feel a bit more grounded (even if I don't follow it strictly, at least it gives me something to come back to when I finish whatever I'm doing). I've got all our stuff unpacked and arranged so it feels a little more homey here. I'm looking forward to reading my Bible, praying, reading a book, resting, and taking a long bath! Then this evening Paul and I will have dinner together. We are thinking about possibly doing a couple of fun things together this week if it's not too expensive. And, of course, it has to be innocent which is hard to find here. I'm going to look into the possibilities today.

Stop What You Are Doing

I read the below this morning and have made my donation. Please join me!

"I have blogged about this family once already, but I have such a huge heart for them that I have to blog about them again.

"Their need is now URGENT. They are headed to the Ukraine VERY SOON to adopt an older boy. They are also trying to bring a 17 year old boy home on a student visa. Their story is so compelling and so amazing. They need to raise the money very quickly so they can go get their boys and bring them home.

"If they cannot raise the funds, they cannot bring him home. PERIOD.

"I am praying you would STOP right now and go and donate to their adoption. No amount is too small. Think of some small thing you can give up this week.... a coffee....a fast food lunch.....maybe something even larger ...on behalf of two very special boys. Their chances for adoption at their ages is so slim. And here they have a family who loves them and wants to give them a wonderful life and a FAMILY. And what stands in the way?

"MONEY.

"Should money be the thing that keeps these boys from ever knowing the love of a family?

"We can make this possible. Simply by banning together. We can help these boys. I want them to be derailed with donations. I want to knock their socks off. I want to show them that God DOES provide.

"I made my donation. And trust me when I say right now with two homes, we are not in a great place financially. But, giving SHOULD be a sacrifice. It shouldn't be something we do flippantly. It should be out of love and out of sacrifice. I pray you will find the love in your heart to help bring home Grisha. And Dima on a visa. And in giving you get to be apart of something greater than yourself. You get the honor and privilege of helping an orphan come home to a family.

"You can also spread the word by blogging about Grisha and placing this button on your blog.

"Click the photo below to go to their blog and make a donation."


Grab this button

"Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away" (Matthew 5:42).

Sound of Music

The sheer joy of this makes me long for Jesus' return. We are meant to live in this kind of joy, awe, and wonder all the time. Something inside us knows it, even while we tell ourselves it's too good to last.

My kids can't quite figure out why grownups cry when they're happy. I'm not sure I understand it myself.

***Adoption News Flash Update***

Thank you for praying! We just found out that another family was chosen for this little girl. Praise God for placing her in a family so quickly!

What an emotional roller coaster this can be. I'm glad that our Shepherd knows our path even when we do not!

***Adoption News Flash***

Our profile is being presented today to an agency which apparently has custody of a three-day-old baby girl. The birth mother has already terminated her parental rights. If we are the family God has chosen for her, we are ready to go pick her up. If He has another family in mind for her, we want everything to go smoothly for them. Please pray with us that God's will be done in her life! I will post another update when I know more.

Bring Liza Home

Here is a story I read today on Adoption Connect, a blog I follow. Please click the link below if you would like to donate $10 or more to help bring Liza home. As a bonus, you will also be entered into a raffle!

Rick and I were married almost 4 years ago. We were both single parents before we married who knew we wanted to have more children. When we were dating we started talking about adopting and being foster parents because we knew we were unable to have more children biologically. Rick himself is adopted and I was in foster care as a child so this is something that was near to both of our hearts. We also both have strong hearts for the orphan and those who are downtrodden. We have tried a few times to adopt through different avenues and the door has always been shut to us. We were beginning to think that it was never going to happen. Then a few months ago I had a dream that I was crossing a bridge and I was carrying two children. Rick came beside me, took one of the children out of my arms, and walked on ahead of me. When he was in front of me the child looked at me and smiled like a child would smile at their mother. I noticed that it was a little girl with blonde hair and she had Down syndrome. When I woke up I just knew that I had seen my daughter. Around that time I began to pay more attention to the children on the Reece's Rainbow site again and that's where I found Liza and started to pray for her and all of the rest of the children. The Sunday before we committed to her I felt that Holy Spirit telling me to find out the meaning of her name. After church I looked it up and was floored that it meant "God's Oath". (Before we were married God promised me during a church service that we would have more children.) I immediately stepped up my prayers and asked others to pray as well. That next Friday my husband told me he wanted to commit to her. and now here we are. Believing that god will provide for us to bring her home.


Please visit Journey to a Promise and consider giving a donation to help Liza come home.

http://journeytoapromise.blogspot.com/2009/03/lizas-first-fundraiser.html

The Heart of a Mother

Here is a beautiful article about life by Lorraine V. Murray. This is so encouraging to me with our surprise baby #5, because it reflects my heart.

Most life stories of great men open with their births. But in the case of the greatest man ever born, a man who was also God, the story starts with the actual moment of his conception.

And what a poignant moment it was, when an angel told a young girl that she would bear a son and call him “Jesus.” We can imagine her tangle of emotions at hearing this news.

She had to know that she was in danger of being harshly criticized. In fact, in her day, an unmarried woman who became pregnant faced death by stoning.

So when Mary said, “Let it be done to me according to thy word,” she was in effect saying, “I am willing to face death.”

Mary had plenty of reasons to tell the angel “Go away. Ask someone else.” She could have said, “I’m too young.” Or “I’m not married.” She certainly could have said, “I’m afraid!”

She obviously could have used many of the reasons that women rely on today when they decide to say “no” to a pregnancy: “I’m too poor” or “I’m too young” or “I’m unmarried” or “I have other plans.”

Talk about the ultimate unplanned pregnancy: This was what Mary faced!

It is very likely that many readers of this article are the results of unplanned pregnancies. Some may have been conceived after their parents had decided their family was big enough. Maybe others were conceived because Mom thought she was past childbearing days, and then: Surprise!

But even if a pregnancy is unplanned and comes as a shock to the parents, here is the important part: There is no unplanned life.

You see, God doesn’t create any child accidentally because God doesn’t make mistakes. So even if we stunned our parents, we certainly didn’t surprise God.

And the feast of the Annunciation reminds us of the old saying that “God writes straight with crooked lines.”

Here are some crooked lines in the life of Christ: His mother was very young, and she wasn’t married. But God had everything straightened out to protect Mary, so that Christ would be born nine months later.

God sent an angel to let Joseph know in a dream that Mary’s account of her pregnancy was true. And because Joseph accepted God’s plan and married Mary, she avoided social ostracism and stoning.

There are crooked lines in every life. In my own, my mother had a miscarriage before bearing my older sister, and my sister’s birth was long and dangerous. So arduous, in fact, that the doctors sternly warned my mother against having more children.

And then, on a day near Thanksgiving in Chicago, where my parents were visiting family, my story began: I was conceived in my mother’s womb. And I have to believe that my mother, Grace, had very mixed emotions when the doctors confirmed that she was pregnant.

After all, as she looked into the future, she saw another arduous delivery and maybe even death. But she went ahead and had the baby, the one she named Lorraine with Grace as a middle name.

Obviously, St. Luke could have begun the story of Christ’s life with his birth in the stable, rather than nine months earlier at his conception. But it was not by accident that he opened the narrative where he did.

He was following God’s plan when he wrote the narrative of Christ’s life, and was guided by the Holy Spirit to tell the truth with a capital T.

And that Truth is this: Christ’s life started just like every life begins. The Word was made flesh not in a hospital room, not in an inn, not in a stable.

Instead, God became man in a womb at the very moment Mary said “yes.”

And that womb had to be nurturing and protective, just as the wombs that brought each of us into the world.

Perhaps a reason that Christ’s story begins at conception is to bring a message to a world in which the womb is no longer a safe haven.

Perhaps it is to remind us that the most beautiful words in the world are not those spoken at the birth of a baby when the doctor pronounces the child alive and healthy.

Instead, the most exquisite words are the little veiled conversation that goes on in the heart of the mother many months earlier, when she first learns that she is pregnant.

The loveliest words of all come despite inconvenience, despite having other plans, despite being too young or too old, despite being too poor, despite being scared, despite being unmarried, despite being afraid of death.

The most beautiful words of all come at the moment when the mother whispers to God: “Let it be.” And that’s where the story begins.

Ultrasound pictures!

Well, we got the big news! We're having a boy!! For the fuller story, please click here to read Paul's post and see some ultrasound pictures.

Tiller Going to Trial Today

Tiller is going to trial today for illegally aborting many, many babies. Oh, how I remember praying outside his abortion clinic and outside his home as a teenager that God would put an end to his atrocities. Lord, answer our prayers! And in Your kindness, lead him to repentance!

Keep praying!

19 Weeks

Here's me at 19 weeks, along with my girls who love their new baby so much already.

Broken

I have always been a bit clumsy, but it seems like lately there has been a rash of breakages and losses in our house. From the broken serving bowls a couple of weeks ago, lost cell phone and charger (finally found after three weeks) and other miscellaneous things, to today when I broiled the bread rising in the oven, along with the mixing bowl ($50 to replace) and plastic wrap covering it.

This brings up so many emotions ... fear of rejection, frustration, hopelessness, anger ... I don't even know how to respond. What are You showing me in this, Lord? I feel helpless on the outside, and with every break and loss I feel more lost and broken on the inside. So I am coming to You to be mended, healed, and found. Please help me.

Apart for Now

I miss my husband tonight. He is away on a business trip this week, and while I do much better these days than I used to when he is gone, I still miss him a lot.

So I just want to say that I miss you, Salt Racer. I am glad that we got to talk several times today. You are my best friend. And the best cook! Today we enjoyed eating all the food you had prepared for us yesterday. I don't really want to go to bed because there is no one there waiting for me. But I will, because you just might call me in the morning and I want to be awake for that! I love you.

Home Study Complete!

I am very excited to announce that our home study is finally complete! We started our adoption process last summer, started our home study around September I think, and finally (officially as of Feb. 19), we are legally cleared to adopt. Hallelujah!

Now, I don't think home studies have to take that long. But we were kind of moving slow due to our own choices and then our pregnancy slowed us down a bit more.

Nevertheless, we are now able to receive a child whenever God should bring one our way! The next stage can now begin ... we will continue to put money into our adoption fund, and we can also begin to apply for grants and such. And as God brings situations our way, we will continue to be open to them. We are in no hurry. Our home study lasts for three years, and we are willing to wait on God's timing.

One thing that I am continually in awe of is this. Over the past year, Paul's income has increased 36%. Nothing in the natural can account for this. The economy is doing poorly, Paul has only worked for this company less than two years, and he works for a ministry that relies on donations. It can only be God's provision. So we continually ask ourselves, for what purpose has He given us this provision? We continue to seek Him for wisdom in this area.

Please continue to pray with us that God will open doors that no one can shut and close doors that no one can open. We are putting all our trust in Him.