Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thoughts on Adoption, part 2
"There is one who scatters, yet increases more; And there is one who withholds more than is right, But it leads to poverty. The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself" (Proverbs 11:24-25 NKJV).
I have been reflecting that I have a choice. I can live by man's rules, which tell me to save, invest, and provide for myself. There is a certain amount of wisdom in this. But then there are God's rules, which say to throw everything I have into His treasury and trust Him for the outcome (see Luke 18:18-22; 21:3-4).
Paul and I have decided that we would rather live by God's rules. This may cause us to have some need at times as our Father teaches us to trust Him completely. After all, didn't Jesus allow the people to become hungry before He multiplied the loaves and fishes for them? But as we water others, pouring out what has been given to us to meet others' needs, we trust that we ourselves will also be watered when it's our turn to drink.
"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who wins souls is wise" (Proverbs 11:30 NKJV).
The Amplified says, "he who is wise captures human lives." We are privileged to offer ourselves and all our resources (financial, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) to capture a few human lives for Jesus. Some of them have been captured into our family by birth and others, we hope, through adoption. But what better way to spend ourselves that this?
I remind myself of this frequently when I look at my own natural resources of wisdom, energy, time, and money, and know that I do not have what it takes. I am glad that I do not, for then I have to rely on the One who gives me strength. And that is right where He wants me to be.
I have been reflecting that I have a choice. I can live by man's rules, which tell me to save, invest, and provide for myself. There is a certain amount of wisdom in this. But then there are God's rules, which say to throw everything I have into His treasury and trust Him for the outcome (see Luke 18:18-22; 21:3-4).
Paul and I have decided that we would rather live by God's rules. This may cause us to have some need at times as our Father teaches us to trust Him completely. After all, didn't Jesus allow the people to become hungry before He multiplied the loaves and fishes for them? But as we water others, pouring out what has been given to us to meet others' needs, we trust that we ourselves will also be watered when it's our turn to drink.
"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who wins souls is wise" (Proverbs 11:30 NKJV).
The Amplified says, "he who is wise captures human lives." We are privileged to offer ourselves and all our resources (financial, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) to capture a few human lives for Jesus. Some of them have been captured into our family by birth and others, we hope, through adoption. But what better way to spend ourselves that this?
I remind myself of this frequently when I look at my own natural resources of wisdom, energy, time, and money, and know that I do not have what it takes. I am glad that I do not, for then I have to rely on the One who gives me strength. And that is right where He wants me to be.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
The Last Word
I really wanted to post something tonight, but I have had very little to say. My heart is filled with sadness and hope. I can only cry out to God for His love and mercy and forgiveness.
Then I saw this. Tonight, who best to speak but one of the silenced masses who by God's grace lived to tell about it? Watch this beautiful, eloquent woman and be encouraged. There is a God, and He loves us so much.
I ask, Lord, that You will give me such holy boldness as You have given Gianna. I beg You to teach me to rejoice in being hated as she has been hated since before she was born. As You were hated. And to love those who are hating You in me. My Daddy loves me too!
Then I saw this. Tonight, who best to speak but one of the silenced masses who by God's grace lived to tell about it? Watch this beautiful, eloquent woman and be encouraged. There is a God, and He loves us so much.
I ask, Lord, that You will give me such holy boldness as You have given Gianna. I beg You to teach me to rejoice in being hated as she has been hated since before she was born. As You were hated. And to love those who are hating You in me. My Daddy loves me too!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
One Vote Counts
When our childen are gown, they will want to know what we stood for.
Here is a four-minute video to pass on. Reminds me of the America I believed in as a child.
http://www.valuevotersusa.com/
Here is a four-minute video to pass on. Reminds me of the America I believed in as a child.
http://www.valuevotersusa.com/
Monday, October 13, 2008
What?!?
Read this to see why it is so important to pass Proposition 8:
First Graders Taken to San Francisco City Hall For Gay Wedding
With hope,
Michelle
First Graders Taken to San Francisco City Hall For Gay Wedding
With hope,
Michelle
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Another Moment of Grace
And when Salt Racer (aka Knight in Shining Armor) came home early from work, he brought these:
Thank You again.
Thank You again.
Moment of Grace
Yesterday was a really hard day. I cried a lot of tears while crying out to the Lord. But in the morning, there was this bright, peaceful moment. Something (One my heart knows well) told me to take pictures and remember. The kids and I sat on a blanket on our picnic table (the only dry spot in the back yard) to pray and read the Bible together. I want to thank You publicly, Lord, for this moment of grace.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
What to do today?
What to do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
Many chores beckon,
Duties never-ending,
Children always needing,
Errands to be done.
But ...
Baby niece born last night
Tiny bundle of sweetness
Life beginning, makes me think
What really matters?
Should I vacuum all the house
Fold the laundry, organize,
Bead a necklace, shop for food,
Practice piano, write a song?
Somehow I don't know where to start
Today - just a Tuesday, I guess
But not.
This is the only "today" I have
These hours precious, not to be
Spent carelessly.
so tell me please
What would You have me do today?
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
In Pain
My soul is in anguish. My spirit cries out.
The world is in pain. And yet it dances the night away.
And babies die.
Does anyone care? Does anyone notice.
There are mommies who cry tonight. And yet the world says dance.
And so they do.
Why?
Why dance?
There is other music playing. Another song is being sung.
Just listen harder and you can hear it.
It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."
And when you listen your spirit soars.
Listen to the song of ages. Listen to the song of songs. It is a quiet song. It is not a loud song. But it is the oldest song.
You don't like it because it isn't new. You want the latest. The latest will fade. The newest will age.
But this song will remain. This song is the oldest. But this song will always be the latest. As the world looks for the next best thing. After you have been used up and discarded, the song still sings.
It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."
Just listen.
The world is in pain. And yet it dances the night away.
And babies die.
Does anyone care? Does anyone notice.
There are mommies who cry tonight. And yet the world says dance.
And so they do.
Why?
Why dance?
There is other music playing. Another song is being sung.
Just listen harder and you can hear it.
It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."
And when you listen your spirit soars.
Listen to the song of ages. Listen to the song of songs. It is a quiet song. It is not a loud song. But it is the oldest song.
You don't like it because it isn't new. You want the latest. The latest will fade. The newest will age.
But this song will remain. This song is the oldest. But this song will always be the latest. As the world looks for the next best thing. After you have been used up and discarded, the song still sings.
It says "You are loved."
It says "You can be sad."
It says "I still love you. I loved you first."
Just listen.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Questions of Prayer, Healing, Life, and Death
It's Sunday evening. The kids are all in bed. The girls asked if they could sleep together tonight, promising that they really wouldn't talk. This led to a conversation about promising things that they would never follow through on (and telling them that I never expect them to sleep together without talking, just to keep it quiet). I was just upstairs swaddling Thunder Buddy (Daddy's nickname) so he would stop crying and go to sleep, and I heard them whispering to each other in bed. I have so many fond memories of late-night conversations in bed with my sisters. Hearing their quiet giggles makes my heart smile.
I kissed Thunder a little more tenderly after I swaddled him tonight. This evening I've been reading a blog by a mother who lost her little one around the same time that we received our miracle baby. I sobbed as I watched a slideshow of the day her baby was born.
The Lord is so much greater and more beautiful and more terrible and more tender than I can comprehend.
While we are rejoicing over the birth of our little one, another mother is losing hers.
One person is healed and another continues in chronic pain.
He relieves my chronic neck and shoulder pain without any fanfare while I continue to struggle with depression and hypothyroidism.
One night a couple of weeks ago, I prayed for Thunder who was coughing and struggling to sleep through a stuffy nose. At first I was frustrated and complaining, God, why don't you heal him? Then my heart suddenly received the grace to be humble, and I simply lifted him up before the throne of grace, asking God to touch his little body. He immediately went into a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night and only coughed a couple more times over the next day or two.
My Salt Racer endures constant back and neck pain. Visits to the chiropractor helped for a season, but when we trimmed our budget a couple of years ago he stopped going. The pain drains his energy. I pray for him, sometimes with much faith and sometimes with little. One night my heart was filled with such childlike faith. I placed my hands on his neck and lower back and lifted him up to Abba, knowing that my prayers were being heard and that He cared for us and delighted to hear us asking Him for help. I even felt something shifting in his back. He said he felt it too.
Since then, he's had some of his worst days.
I wonder, is it my fault? Am I not praying hard enough or consistently enough? Does God care? Why doesn't He heal my husband? Why doesn't He heal me?
I am afraid I'm becoming like an Israelite in the wilderness--tired and complaining. Forgetting all the miracles God has done for me. Experiencing a little discomfort (or a lot), and suddenly my memory of His goodness becomes very short. I start to question His goodness. What a fickle, unruly heart I have!
Heart, I would teach you to rest in the Lord with the trust of a little child.
On Friday I got the results of a blood test that show my thyroid is still not working right. Had I gotten the results I hoped for, I would be rejoicing. Since I didn't, I am discouraged. This morning, I read this excerpt from a letter by the apostle Paul:
"... we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life [itself]. Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the [very] sentence of death, but that was to keep us from trusting in and depending on ourselves instead of on God Who raises the dead. [For it is He] Who rescued and saved us from such a perilous death, and He will still rescue and save us; in and on Him we have set our hope (our joyful and confident expectation) that He will again deliver us [from danger and destruction and draw us to Himself] ..." (2Corinthians 1:8b-10 AMP).
As I am writing this, my sister-in-law, Beloved Pearl, is watching The Passion of the Christ. Jesus is being beaten and mocked, and Peter is so confused by what is going on that he is denying his Lord. He does not understand the heart of a Father who would love His Son so much and yet allow Him to suffer defeat, discouragement, and death. I am reminded of these words:
"Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, there shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone" (Psalm 91:9-12 AMP).
These words are so confusing in light of very real circumstances, even the circumstances of Jesus' life, that Satan used them to try to confuse and tempt the Son of God (Luke 4:10). If anyone deserved this level of protection, it was Jesus. Yet He suffered more than any man.
What does that mean, God?
The answer begins here:
"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Psalm 91:15 AMP).
He does not promise that we would not suffer, but that those who dwell "in the secret place of the Most High" (91:1) shall have no evil befall them. In other words, nothing can happen to them outside of Abba's perfect, loving will. In the case of Jesus, it was the Father's will to crush His Son:
"Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief and made Him sick" (Isa 53:10a AMP).
Jesus is being whipped. Satan is watching, seeming to think that he is winning. God's perfect will is being done. And the Son is submitting willingly. (The scene currently playing from The Passion.)
These are the paradoxes in which we live. Lord, I would like to understand. But more than that, I would like to trust You as did Your Firstborn. He didn't question or complain. He rested in Your love even when You lovingly assigned Him to endure torture and death. He endured everything You asked because He knew Who You Are and Who He Is in You. No circumstance would ever cause Him to become offended or disobedient to You, the only One who is Good.
I, too, am Your child. Help me to rest in You as He did. Help me to trust You no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what.
Thank You for these struggles that keep me from trusting in myself. Help me to look beyond the present death and despair. For You are the God who raises the dead.
I kissed Thunder a little more tenderly after I swaddled him tonight. This evening I've been reading a blog by a mother who lost her little one around the same time that we received our miracle baby. I sobbed as I watched a slideshow of the day her baby was born.
The Lord is so much greater and more beautiful and more terrible and more tender than I can comprehend.
While we are rejoicing over the birth of our little one, another mother is losing hers.
One person is healed and another continues in chronic pain.
He relieves my chronic neck and shoulder pain without any fanfare while I continue to struggle with depression and hypothyroidism.
One night a couple of weeks ago, I prayed for Thunder who was coughing and struggling to sleep through a stuffy nose. At first I was frustrated and complaining, God, why don't you heal him? Then my heart suddenly received the grace to be humble, and I simply lifted him up before the throne of grace, asking God to touch his little body. He immediately went into a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night and only coughed a couple more times over the next day or two.
My Salt Racer endures constant back and neck pain. Visits to the chiropractor helped for a season, but when we trimmed our budget a couple of years ago he stopped going. The pain drains his energy. I pray for him, sometimes with much faith and sometimes with little. One night my heart was filled with such childlike faith. I placed my hands on his neck and lower back and lifted him up to Abba, knowing that my prayers were being heard and that He cared for us and delighted to hear us asking Him for help. I even felt something shifting in his back. He said he felt it too.
Since then, he's had some of his worst days.
I wonder, is it my fault? Am I not praying hard enough or consistently enough? Does God care? Why doesn't He heal my husband? Why doesn't He heal me?
I am afraid I'm becoming like an Israelite in the wilderness--tired and complaining. Forgetting all the miracles God has done for me. Experiencing a little discomfort (or a lot), and suddenly my memory of His goodness becomes very short. I start to question His goodness. What a fickle, unruly heart I have!
Heart, I would teach you to rest in the Lord with the trust of a little child.
On Friday I got the results of a blood test that show my thyroid is still not working right. Had I gotten the results I hoped for, I would be rejoicing. Since I didn't, I am discouraged. This morning, I read this excerpt from a letter by the apostle Paul:
"... we were so utterly and unbearably weighed down and crushed that we despaired even of life [itself]. Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the [very] sentence of death, but that was to keep us from trusting in and depending on ourselves instead of on God Who raises the dead. [For it is He] Who rescued and saved us from such a perilous death, and He will still rescue and save us; in and on Him we have set our hope (our joyful and confident expectation) that He will again deliver us [from danger and destruction and draw us to Himself] ..." (2Corinthians 1:8b-10 AMP).
As I am writing this, my sister-in-law, Beloved Pearl, is watching The Passion of the Christ. Jesus is being beaten and mocked, and Peter is so confused by what is going on that he is denying his Lord. He does not understand the heart of a Father who would love His Son so much and yet allow Him to suffer defeat, discouragement, and death. I am reminded of these words:
"Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place, there shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent. For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone" (Psalm 91:9-12 AMP).
These words are so confusing in light of very real circumstances, even the circumstances of Jesus' life, that Satan used them to try to confuse and tempt the Son of God (Luke 4:10). If anyone deserved this level of protection, it was Jesus. Yet He suffered more than any man.
What does that mean, God?
The answer begins here:
"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him" (Psalm 91:15 AMP).
He does not promise that we would not suffer, but that those who dwell "in the secret place of the Most High" (91:1) shall have no evil befall them. In other words, nothing can happen to them outside of Abba's perfect, loving will. In the case of Jesus, it was the Father's will to crush His Son:
"Yet it was the will of the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief and made Him sick" (Isa 53:10a AMP).
Jesus is being whipped. Satan is watching, seeming to think that he is winning. God's perfect will is being done. And the Son is submitting willingly. (The scene currently playing from The Passion.)
These are the paradoxes in which we live. Lord, I would like to understand. But more than that, I would like to trust You as did Your Firstborn. He didn't question or complain. He rested in Your love even when You lovingly assigned Him to endure torture and death. He endured everything You asked because He knew Who You Are and Who He Is in You. No circumstance would ever cause Him to become offended or disobedient to You, the only One who is Good.
I, too, am Your child. Help me to rest in You as He did. Help me to trust You no matter what.
No matter what.
No matter what.
Thank You for these struggles that keep me from trusting in myself. Help me to look beyond the present death and despair. For You are the God who raises the dead.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My Beloved and Me
My beautiful, talented sister, Charlotte, who is eight months pregnant, graciously agreed to take these pictures of us last week. We thought it was time since we haven't had couple pictures done for a few years, and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary. (Woo hoo!)
Monday, September 01, 2008
How Does Your Garden Grow!
Happy Anniversary, my beloved Salt Racer!
I am so proud of you. You are an excellent gardener. The work that you do in your vegetable garden reflects the careful and conscientious way that you also care for our family. And both are growing well! Sometimes the fruit is hidden, but when you look it is there, under the leaves. I know that you often think you don't measure up to your own standards, but I want to let you know that you far exceed mine. Your love for us is evident in everything that you do, in the faces of our children, and in my heart.
Thank you for seven incredible years! I look forward to many, many more.
All my respect and love,
Michelle
I am so proud of you. You are an excellent gardener. The work that you do in your vegetable garden reflects the careful and conscientious way that you also care for our family. And both are growing well! Sometimes the fruit is hidden, but when you look it is there, under the leaves. I know that you often think you don't measure up to your own standards, but I want to let you know that you far exceed mine. Your love for us is evident in everything that you do, in the faces of our children, and in my heart.
Thank you for seven incredible years! I look forward to many, many more.
All my respect and love,
Michelle
Friday, August 22, 2008
1000 Gifts
I continue to add to my 1000 Gifts list whenever I remember to. I love seeing it gradually grow - I'm getting close to 200! It is good for me to remember how many good gifts my Father gives me every day:
139. Deliverance from darkness.
140. Bright bowls brimming with ripe, red tomatoes.
141. Migrating geese flying low overhead.
142. Children's cries of delight as they run to see the honking geese and a rumbling airplane--their private airshow from Heaven.
143. Early morning cuddles, kisses, and coo's with baby.
144. Increasing clarity of mind and lightness of heart.
145. Casting all cares on Him who cares for me.
146. Giving away as much as possible, then looking for opportunities to give more.
147. Trusting Abba to provide.
148. Soothing sound of circulating fans in quiet, sunny rooms.
149. Hiss of early morning sprinklers watering thirsty lawns.
150. Sprinkler rainbow illuminating children's slide.
151. Small hands harvesting ripe fruit.
152. Enjoying bounty right from the vine: "Can I eat one, Mama? Two? Three?"
153. Filling little hands with Abba's goodness--juicy manna bursting with sweetness.
154. Sun's light-play on walls.
Lord, let Your light shine in me today, peeking through my windows, seeping around the cracks. I open my heart and mind to You fully so that I may receive more of You flooding my soul.
139. Deliverance from darkness.
140. Bright bowls brimming with ripe, red tomatoes.
141. Migrating geese flying low overhead.
142. Children's cries of delight as they run to see the honking geese and a rumbling airplane--their private airshow from Heaven.
143. Early morning cuddles, kisses, and coo's with baby.
144. Increasing clarity of mind and lightness of heart.
145. Casting all cares on Him who cares for me.
146. Giving away as much as possible, then looking for opportunities to give more.
147. Trusting Abba to provide.
148. Soothing sound of circulating fans in quiet, sunny rooms.
149. Hiss of early morning sprinklers watering thirsty lawns.
150. Sprinkler rainbow illuminating children's slide.
151. Small hands harvesting ripe fruit.
152. Enjoying bounty right from the vine: "Can I eat one, Mama? Two? Three?"
153. Filling little hands with Abba's goodness--juicy manna bursting with sweetness.
154. Sun's light-play on walls.
Lord, let Your light shine in me today, peeking through my windows, seeping around the cracks. I open my heart and mind to You fully so that I may receive more of You flooding my soul.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Answered Prayer!
We have an amazing, wonderful Father who loves to plan fun surprises for us!
OK, so here's the story:
We have decided to go with Bethany Christian Services for our home study. Since we do not know what state we will be adopting from, we need a home study that will transfer to any state, and Bethany can provide this. They are an agency that we have known about for a long time, and we feel comfortable working with them for the home study process.
However, we discovered that the cost of a home study has gone up significantly in the past few years. We had started the process of adopting thinking that the home study would be $1200. We had that amount of money set aside already, so we figured we were set to get through the home study and then we would have to start trusting God for the money to adopt. :) Imagine our dismay when we discovered that the home study would actually cost $2500! That gave us pause for a few days as we processed whether we should go ahead and start the home study with a $500 down payment, not knowing where we would get the money to complete the home study. Yesterday evening, we sat down to talk and seek God's will about all of this. After reading these verses, ...
"He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know what is the way of the wind, or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good" (Ecc 11:4-6 NKJV).
... we had peace about going ahead and sowing our seed in faith, trusting that God would cause it to prosper. Whether or not He did, we knew that we were sowing in faith and that He would be glorified.
(By the way, I thought it very interesting that right in the middle of this passage about sowing is the bit about "how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child." A little apropos for adopting?)
So Paul went to the post office and mailed our home study application and the $500 application fee. Afterward Paul went for a walk and gave it all to the Lord (again), asking Him to provide the rest of the money we need for the home study and adoption. Then, today at work, his boss came by with a big surprise: a job promotion and a twenty percent raise effective immediately.
As a result, we will now be able to pay for the home study out of Paul's raise! After that, we plan to put all of the extra pay (less tithe of course) into our adoption account to help with future adoption expenses.
We are completely floored at God's goodness. Praise Him!!!! He has made the path clear before us, and we are on our way into the next phase of the adoption process. Home study, here we come!
OK, so here's the story:
We have decided to go with Bethany Christian Services for our home study. Since we do not know what state we will be adopting from, we need a home study that will transfer to any state, and Bethany can provide this. They are an agency that we have known about for a long time, and we feel comfortable working with them for the home study process.
However, we discovered that the cost of a home study has gone up significantly in the past few years. We had started the process of adopting thinking that the home study would be $1200. We had that amount of money set aside already, so we figured we were set to get through the home study and then we would have to start trusting God for the money to adopt. :) Imagine our dismay when we discovered that the home study would actually cost $2500! That gave us pause for a few days as we processed whether we should go ahead and start the home study with a $500 down payment, not knowing where we would get the money to complete the home study. Yesterday evening, we sat down to talk and seek God's will about all of this. After reading these verses, ...
"He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know what is the way of the wind, or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good" (Ecc 11:4-6 NKJV).
... we had peace about going ahead and sowing our seed in faith, trusting that God would cause it to prosper. Whether or not He did, we knew that we were sowing in faith and that He would be glorified.
(By the way, I thought it very interesting that right in the middle of this passage about sowing is the bit about "how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child." A little apropos for adopting?)
So Paul went to the post office and mailed our home study application and the $500 application fee. Afterward Paul went for a walk and gave it all to the Lord (again), asking Him to provide the rest of the money we need for the home study and adoption. Then, today at work, his boss came by with a big surprise: a job promotion and a twenty percent raise effective immediately.
As a result, we will now be able to pay for the home study out of Paul's raise! After that, we plan to put all of the extra pay (less tithe of course) into our adoption account to help with future adoption expenses.
We are completely floored at God's goodness. Praise Him!!!! He has made the path clear before us, and we are on our way into the next phase of the adoption process. Home study, here we come!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Thoughts on Adoption, part 1
I have been thinking a lot lately about adoption. Why are we doing this? Is it a good idea? Are we hearing God, or just going off half-cocked with good intentions but little wisdom? What will people think? What does God think?
I know what I think. I think we're more than a little crazy. We have four children already. Our oldest is five, and our youngest is five months. There are many days when I wonder how in the world I will survive the next five years--no, minutes. In nearly seven years of marriage, we have yet to go more than nine months of our marriage without getting pregnant, and in addition to our four living children, we have had two miscarriages. In the natural, it makes sense that this would be a time to step back and regroup, not a time to step it up yet again.
And yet.
There is a burning in my heart that will not be ignored. And when I tap into that place, that God-space inside me, all of my objections are burned away in an instant. Suddenly I don't care how tired I am, how messy my house gets, or how much more I have to slow down my life. Suddenly I realize that my life is not getting more complicated by adding more children. No, with each additional child my life becomes less complicated. My focus turns more and more toward home, toward love, toward being. I have much less time and energy for outside activities and lots of doing. Instead, I find myself stopping, looking into little faces, smiling, laughing. Oh, there are still the moments (and they are many) when I think I am going to collapse under the drain of the continual need of the little people in my life. But then I am constrained once again to look at what I am really trying to do, who I am really called to be. To refocus my gaze. To stop trying so hard. To relax and let this season be what it is.
What is this season?
This is not a season for outward accomplishments. This is not a season for pursuing goals. This is not a season for being SuperMom. This is not a season for doing much at all.
And yet ... it is.
It is a season for digging deep. It is a season for gazing at the face of the One I love most in the countenances of His children. For wiping His tears, bandaging His owies, preparing His food, and, yes, even changing His diapers. It is a season for becoming less, less, and then much, much less, while He becomes more, more and more again within me, to me, through me, around me, above me, beneath me, permeating the very air I breathe.
It is a season for becoming, for discovering who I am in His heart as all my outward identities are stripped away. A season for being hidden in the palm of His hand, being fed from His table, and delighting in the intimacy of His gaze. A season for knowing that, though I am mostly invisible to the outside world, though most of my accomplishments go unnoticed, He sees. A season for learning that that is enough. It is more than enough. It is everything.
It is a season for learning that He is enough.
I meant to focus on adoption in this post, but my heart is so full that I couldn't even get that far. Think of this as the preamble. I have much more to share another time. For now, wherever you may be, whatever the circumstances in which you find yourself, I pray that in that very place you will find God. He is so worth finding that all the struggle becomes nothing compared with the delight of knowing Him.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Co 4:17-18 NKJV)
I know what I think. I think we're more than a little crazy. We have four children already. Our oldest is five, and our youngest is five months. There are many days when I wonder how in the world I will survive the next five years--no, minutes. In nearly seven years of marriage, we have yet to go more than nine months of our marriage without getting pregnant, and in addition to our four living children, we have had two miscarriages. In the natural, it makes sense that this would be a time to step back and regroup, not a time to step it up yet again.
And yet.
There is a burning in my heart that will not be ignored. And when I tap into that place, that God-space inside me, all of my objections are burned away in an instant. Suddenly I don't care how tired I am, how messy my house gets, or how much more I have to slow down my life. Suddenly I realize that my life is not getting more complicated by adding more children. No, with each additional child my life becomes less complicated. My focus turns more and more toward home, toward love, toward being. I have much less time and energy for outside activities and lots of doing. Instead, I find myself stopping, looking into little faces, smiling, laughing. Oh, there are still the moments (and they are many) when I think I am going to collapse under the drain of the continual need of the little people in my life. But then I am constrained once again to look at what I am really trying to do, who I am really called to be. To refocus my gaze. To stop trying so hard. To relax and let this season be what it is.
What is this season?
This is not a season for outward accomplishments. This is not a season for pursuing goals. This is not a season for being SuperMom. This is not a season for doing much at all.
And yet ... it is.
It is a season for digging deep. It is a season for gazing at the face of the One I love most in the countenances of His children. For wiping His tears, bandaging His owies, preparing His food, and, yes, even changing His diapers. It is a season for becoming less, less, and then much, much less, while He becomes more, more and more again within me, to me, through me, around me, above me, beneath me, permeating the very air I breathe.
It is a season for becoming, for discovering who I am in His heart as all my outward identities are stripped away. A season for being hidden in the palm of His hand, being fed from His table, and delighting in the intimacy of His gaze. A season for knowing that, though I am mostly invisible to the outside world, though most of my accomplishments go unnoticed, He sees. A season for learning that that is enough. It is more than enough. It is everything.
It is a season for learning that He is enough.
I meant to focus on adoption in this post, but my heart is so full that I couldn't even get that far. Think of this as the preamble. I have much more to share another time. For now, wherever you may be, whatever the circumstances in which you find yourself, I pray that in that very place you will find God. He is so worth finding that all the struggle becomes nothing compared with the delight of knowing Him.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Co 4:17-18 NKJV)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Our Home Study
**This post is by Paul, my husband and a new contributor to this blog. -Michelle**
After a few phone calls and one divine encounter, we have found the agency that will be conducting our home study. This was a somewhat difficult process because it is important to find a Christian social worker who understands our family dynamic and how our religion influences our decisions -- such our decision to adopt.
When you decided to adopt and then start telling people, some people look at you like "but you already have kids"? When they do, it is clear that they don't yet understand that there can be more than one motivation behind a decision to adopt. We didn't want a social worker with that mind set conducting our home study.
So, just after signing the contract with CAC, we had a divine encounter at church with a friend who just so happens to be the director of adoption from a local foster and adoption agency. We were able to sit with him for nearly 30 minutes and ask questions until his ears nearly fell off. We were hoping that someone from his agency would be able to conduct the home study. Since adoption is a new area for them (they have been doing foster placements for a couple decades), he didn't recomment that we go through them for our home study (which will probably need to transfer out of state). However, in talking with him, I was able to learn a lot of the language that they use. This helped a great deal when I talked with the other two agencies that I contacted.
When I called the first agency I had a bad phone connection. This could have clued me in to the fact that it wasn't going to work out, but undaunted by my circumstances, I pressed on. I was transferred in what seemed like a handset to handset transfer and I imagined a guy in the background yelling "Hey Sue! Someone's on the phone for you!" When "Sue" picked up the phone, I could barely hear her. I wondered if she could hear me, but every time I asked her to speak a little louder she did, so I assume she heard me when I said, "Yes, we already have a contract with a consultant." That still didn't deter her from going into the hard pitch about how great her agency is and how they can do so much, and if we work with them direct the cost would be less, etc, etc. As soon as she got to the cost factor, my red flag detector went off. All of a sudden I could see what I looked like to her, a big fat wad of $100 bills. I politely excused myself from the conversation and hung up. "Moving on ...," I thought. I was a little bummed, because I was really hoping this agency would work out. But I knew God had a plan, so I wasn't very concerned.
There was a third agency that I had on my list to call. I was hoping to do it this week, but yesterday I started out having a really rough day at work. Stuff just wasn't working, and anything that I did seemed to make it worse. I looked like I was going to have to stay very, very late to get things straightened out. Then Michelle prayed for me. Within fifteen minutes, everything started working. To my relief, I discovered that nothing I had done was the cause of all the problems. I was merely exposing problems that already existed. I saw my day go from really long to wondering what to do with myself for the rest of the day. So I made a call to the third agency.
I got the front desk lady. "Yes, we already have kids. We still want to adopt." "Oh, okay. What county please?" Shocked at the reply, I actually answered with the wrong county. After quickly corrected my mistake, I was transferred to the social worker responsible for that county. She picked up the phone, "Hello, Paul?" Again I was floored. The professionalism mixed with personal contact was amazing after the impersonal hard sell I had gotten from the other agency. I started to get a very good feeling.
After several minutes of conversation, I realized that the social worked had no intention of telling me how great her agency was or how foolish I was for not having signed up with them. She was completely on board with our situation and willing to work with us and provide a home study that would transfer to another agency. She put an application packet in the mail, and over the next few months our house and family will be undergoing the process of a home study.
In the process of looking for an agency, we found out that the cost of home studies in this county (and perhaps the rest of the state, though I don't know) has gone up considerably. When we started, we calculated that we had just enough money to pay for the home study at the typical rate of $1200-$1500. They are now around $2500-$3000. Please pray that God will provide the additional money needed for the home study. We are completely open to His will, and we have complete peace about moving forward, but we are holding all of this with an open hand.
Thank you for praying with us!
After a few phone calls and one divine encounter, we have found the agency that will be conducting our home study. This was a somewhat difficult process because it is important to find a Christian social worker who understands our family dynamic and how our religion influences our decisions -- such our decision to adopt.
When you decided to adopt and then start telling people, some people look at you like "but you already have kids"? When they do, it is clear that they don't yet understand that there can be more than one motivation behind a decision to adopt. We didn't want a social worker with that mind set conducting our home study.
So, just after signing the contract with CAC, we had a divine encounter at church with a friend who just so happens to be the director of adoption from a local foster and adoption agency. We were able to sit with him for nearly 30 minutes and ask questions until his ears nearly fell off. We were hoping that someone from his agency would be able to conduct the home study. Since adoption is a new area for them (they have been doing foster placements for a couple decades), he didn't recomment that we go through them for our home study (which will probably need to transfer out of state). However, in talking with him, I was able to learn a lot of the language that they use. This helped a great deal when I talked with the other two agencies that I contacted.
When I called the first agency I had a bad phone connection. This could have clued me in to the fact that it wasn't going to work out, but undaunted by my circumstances, I pressed on. I was transferred in what seemed like a handset to handset transfer and I imagined a guy in the background yelling "Hey Sue! Someone's on the phone for you!" When "Sue" picked up the phone, I could barely hear her. I wondered if she could hear me, but every time I asked her to speak a little louder she did, so I assume she heard me when I said, "Yes, we already have a contract with a consultant." That still didn't deter her from going into the hard pitch about how great her agency is and how they can do so much, and if we work with them direct the cost would be less, etc, etc. As soon as she got to the cost factor, my red flag detector went off. All of a sudden I could see what I looked like to her, a big fat wad of $100 bills. I politely excused myself from the conversation and hung up. "Moving on ...," I thought. I was a little bummed, because I was really hoping this agency would work out. But I knew God had a plan, so I wasn't very concerned.
There was a third agency that I had on my list to call. I was hoping to do it this week, but yesterday I started out having a really rough day at work. Stuff just wasn't working, and anything that I did seemed to make it worse. I looked like I was going to have to stay very, very late to get things straightened out. Then Michelle prayed for me. Within fifteen minutes, everything started working. To my relief, I discovered that nothing I had done was the cause of all the problems. I was merely exposing problems that already existed. I saw my day go from really long to wondering what to do with myself for the rest of the day. So I made a call to the third agency.
I got the front desk lady. "Yes, we already have kids. We still want to adopt." "Oh, okay. What county please?" Shocked at the reply, I actually answered with the wrong county. After quickly corrected my mistake, I was transferred to the social worker responsible for that county. She picked up the phone, "Hello, Paul?" Again I was floored. The professionalism mixed with personal contact was amazing after the impersonal hard sell I had gotten from the other agency. I started to get a very good feeling.
After several minutes of conversation, I realized that the social worked had no intention of telling me how great her agency was or how foolish I was for not having signed up with them. She was completely on board with our situation and willing to work with us and provide a home study that would transfer to another agency. She put an application packet in the mail, and over the next few months our house and family will be undergoing the process of a home study.
In the process of looking for an agency, we found out that the cost of home studies in this county (and perhaps the rest of the state, though I don't know) has gone up considerably. When we started, we calculated that we had just enough money to pay for the home study at the typical rate of $1200-$1500. They are now around $2500-$3000. Please pray that God will provide the additional money needed for the home study. We are completely open to His will, and we have complete peace about moving forward, but we are holding all of this with an open hand.
Thank you for praying with us!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My Boys
Last weekend the girls went camping with their grandparents, so I got to spend some time with just my boys!
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